(no subject)
Last night, was another chapter in my lengthy book of relationship sorrows. I wish I could go back in time and fix the first mistake I had made. I should have never been so mean to the beautiful girl that had the courage enough to come up and tell me how she felt. But I was young! Have I not suffered enough GOD? When does the punishment end? I believe in what goes around comes around, but how many times does it have to come around to me?
Last night I went to bed with teary eyes, and a weight on my heart which was un necessary. The load has since been lifted because I refuse to carry such a burden. It is a little difficult. But having forced myself not to get too attached has really helped. It still aggravates me, but I know its just a matter of time. But its gonna seem fucking lengthy. I need something to occupy my time. Cause that is all I have apparently. Just myself and time. NO one else. Nothing else. Nowhere to go. No goals. And nothing to return to. I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean with no knowledge how I got there or even how to get anywhere in particular. So I guess I will just keep sailing till I see land. With my luck I will prolly land somewhere where I am not welcome.
What I need is a fast paced lifestyle. I am not meant for this safe lifestyle. Math is nice but its a safe and steady lifestyle. I need something where my mistakes are over shadowed with the immediate future. This way I can not concentrate on them and focus on something else. What if I just gave it all up and it the road? Would I end up on my own two? Just up and leave. No house, no job. Just work under the table, cash, food and bus ticket going from city to city and living under one bridge at a time. It would be a perilous life, but it certainly would not be this life; this life which I have many a times regretted having.
Last night I went to bed with teary eyes, and a weight on my heart which was un necessary. The load has since been lifted because I refuse to carry such a burden. It is a little difficult. But having forced myself not to get too attached has really helped. It still aggravates me, but I know its just a matter of time. But its gonna seem fucking lengthy. I need something to occupy my time. Cause that is all I have apparently. Just myself and time. NO one else. Nothing else. Nowhere to go. No goals. And nothing to return to. I feel like I am in the middle of the ocean with no knowledge how I got there or even how to get anywhere in particular. So I guess I will just keep sailing till I see land. With my luck I will prolly land somewhere where I am not welcome.
What I need is a fast paced lifestyle. I am not meant for this safe lifestyle. Math is nice but its a safe and steady lifestyle. I need something where my mistakes are over shadowed with the immediate future. This way I can not concentrate on them and focus on something else. What if I just gave it all up and it the road? Would I end up on my own two? Just up and leave. No house, no job. Just work under the table, cash, food and bus ticket going from city to city and living under one bridge at a time. It would be a perilous life, but it certainly would not be this life; this life which I have many a times regretted having.