Additional Words
I think the best thing that one can do to help me would be to listen.
That was the fifth time in five years I had a white female who I didn’t date say something about me that was unflattering to a white male audience that was misleading at best and outright untrue at worst. What I thought was:
1) Tue texted that he had to have a spot ready for Tue’s return to Kansas City that night. And had it. The problem wasn't that a white woman came at him that way, it was the fact that enough white women before behaved that way that he already had a plan written out for that behavior. One specifically written for a different white woman, but same strokes for the same folks.
2) Ultimately, Tue is being hyper-accountable to himself. Remember, those who have wronged him will not apologize. Tue has a better chance of getting pregnant despite his lack of uterus. Yelly white women lack the self-reflection to understand why a black man would want to avoid white women making false claims. (Google “Emmett Till” white people. Come back to me when you understand.) The money means that Tue has the resources to circumvent those too weak in character to either avoid the behavior or apologize for it.
3) Notice Tue doesn't seem to get angry? Tue doesn’t want to mimic the pink balls of anger, so he makes sure he speaks deliberately. Slowly. Save his energy and capacity for black women. Bee Ree I speak to on a nearly daily basis. She, like most black women I know, is dynamic. She thinks, she breathes, she isn’t so blinded by being pissy that she loses the capacity to listen. I have yet to meet a black woman where yelling is even a monthly thing, let alone a daily expectation. Maybe all the black women Tue knows had better childhoods or better parents - either way, Tue doesn’t want to advertise himself as a shitty husband, so goes out of his way to mimic black women’s energy.
4) Tue mentioned being thankful. The last time he was yelled at, it was so over the top that Tue is beginning to find certain people repulsive enough that it’s changing his framework. It ultimately makes Tue a better husband and friend to black people. At this juncture, if Tue doesn’t aggressively cut out those who are like that, it’s on Tue. But knowing that is how we build the future.
Seeing a 50 something white woman behave that way made Tue sick to the stomach because he realized that the things he hoped Anna would have grown out of when she was sixteen would still be part of her when she was sixty, had she lived. So at that second, Tue thought he wasted twenty years of his life on Anna OR WOMEN LIKE HER. So, while this 50 y.o. yells in the background, he isn’t paying attention at all. The crazier she talks, the less her words matter. But her behavior brings insight into Tue's past. She was the trainwreck key.