(no subject)
i am living in a mental state of hell
everytime i speak up i feel guilty
everytime i keep my mouth shut i feel guilty
everytime i want something for myself i am made to feel guilty
this sucks
yesterday i got to be stuck, barracaded in my room, all night. i tell chris about this and he says o well. what does he care he wasnt here he didnt have o deal w the bullshit, crack being cooked in the living rooms, rocks being cut, the smoke pourin in my room. besides he was out smoking as usual everything was peachy fucking keen for him.
he got his unemployment today, of course he didnt give me ny of the 40 he owes me. niether did he put any of it away for the $70 ticket he got in machester or for the $50 he has to put in for his stupid game.
hes trying to tell me that i should pay more than 50 for my share of it(as his anniverary gift) because of "intrest" for it is 2 months late. right in is face i said bullshit, the only reason hes getting a fucking gift late is bc 1st he wants something small which i could have financially handle, 2nd he wants me to make him new wrestling pants out of pleather but not to rush, 3rd he decides no u shouldnt make me pants u should just give me money(fuck that), then he says i dont want pants bc i dont know how much longer ill be doing this shit(woe is me bullshit) and i shoudl just help pay for guitar hero 3 for his xbox 360..
i agreed to that even though i still say bullshit. i want that game too true, but i want it for my wii, so i can play it when i want not just when he wants to play the fuckin game and i get a few turns and even then i have to pull the fucking controller from his hands. seeing how he owes me 40 shouldnt i just say forget the money you owe me and jut get the game for yourself, but no that aint fair. but when i ask him to use the money he owes me to go half on a game for me right now, he wines and says but ur suppose to save ur money to get me a game. i dont see him saving shit and just automatically assuming ill fork over everything i get from my dad to help us get to waw and feed him and bye him munchies after the show,....... im getting so sick of this
today i told/asked him ur never changing huh. he started freakin out and yalled at me saying i will when i fuckin want to, dont u have other shit u should do before u worry about me. i told him no, bc hes the most important thing to me.he grew silent after that and gave me the silent treatment. apparently im not good enough to talk to but he can still use me as a scapegoat to get off teh phone w his friend dave that annoys him and he doesnt want to talk to that often.
he pulled up in front of my house and said u know u made me upset today, i said u do teh same to me everyday. i didnt fase him that much as he still dropped me off at 4:40 so he could go smoke w his asshole friends
i guess im just not that important to him anymore.
everytime i speak up i feel guilty
everytime i keep my mouth shut i feel guilty
everytime i want something for myself i am made to feel guilty
this sucks
yesterday i got to be stuck, barracaded in my room, all night. i tell chris about this and he says o well. what does he care he wasnt here he didnt have o deal w the bullshit, crack being cooked in the living rooms, rocks being cut, the smoke pourin in my room. besides he was out smoking as usual everything was peachy fucking keen for him.
he got his unemployment today, of course he didnt give me ny of the 40 he owes me. niether did he put any of it away for the $70 ticket he got in machester or for the $50 he has to put in for his stupid game.
hes trying to tell me that i should pay more than 50 for my share of it(as his anniverary gift) because of "intrest" for it is 2 months late. right in is face i said bullshit, the only reason hes getting a fucking gift late is bc 1st he wants something small which i could have financially handle, 2nd he wants me to make him new wrestling pants out of pleather but not to rush, 3rd he decides no u shouldnt make me pants u should just give me money(fuck that), then he says i dont want pants bc i dont know how much longer ill be doing this shit(woe is me bullshit) and i shoudl just help pay for guitar hero 3 for his xbox 360..
i agreed to that even though i still say bullshit. i want that game too true, but i want it for my wii, so i can play it when i want not just when he wants to play the fuckin game and i get a few turns and even then i have to pull the fucking controller from his hands. seeing how he owes me 40 shouldnt i just say forget the money you owe me and jut get the game for yourself, but no that aint fair. but when i ask him to use the money he owes me to go half on a game for me right now, he wines and says but ur suppose to save ur money to get me a game. i dont see him saving shit and just automatically assuming ill fork over everything i get from my dad to help us get to waw and feed him and bye him munchies after the show,....... im getting so sick of this
today i told/asked him ur never changing huh. he started freakin out and yalled at me saying i will when i fuckin want to, dont u have other shit u should do before u worry about me. i told him no, bc hes the most important thing to me.he grew silent after that and gave me the silent treatment. apparently im not good enough to talk to but he can still use me as a scapegoat to get off teh phone w his friend dave that annoys him and he doesnt want to talk to that often.
he pulled up in front of my house and said u know u made me upset today, i said u do teh same to me everyday. i didnt fase him that much as he still dropped me off at 4:40 so he could go smoke w his asshole friends
i guess im just not that important to him anymore.