Eyes That Know Me (1/2)
Title: Eyes That Know Me (1/2)
Pairing: Kradam,
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3090
Summary: Adam's got Kris doing crazy things, but truly, he doesn't mind.
Disclaimer: Not real, unfortunately.
Author's Notes: This was supposed to respond to the one of the boys goes crazy and kisses the other on national television, but it kind of frew a life of its own. Hence, the part 1 of 2. The rest of the prompt will continue in the next part. Title from Falling Slowly.
Kris can’t even imagine how his life got so insane. He keeps waiting for someone to pinch him and wake him up from the dream that’s been these last three months, but it never happens. This… is actually the life Kris Allen is now living.
It’s finale week and he’s running on like three hours a night. The producers give them a whole five hours to sleep daily, but it’s not like Kris can just fall asleep with that roommate of his. Adam makes sure Kris doesn’t go to sleep unhappy, and, well, being with Adam seems like a much greater use of giant bed that the producers left for them when they moved into the mansion, three months ago.
Yeah, okay, so maybe Kris should be forcing himself to sleep more. But maybe he shouldn’t be forced to learn that song Kara wrote or to dance to a Pink song where he’s merely backup to the two men who were supposed to be in the finals. Even so, Kris spends all of his spare time thinking about why his life does not make sense anymore.
Nine weeks ago, Kris was a regular 23-year-old man from Arkansas. He was married and in love with his wife, and was manipulating show themes so he could really sing a Dylan song on Grand Ole Opry night. Yeah, Kris wasn’t country, and he wasn’t going to pretend. While Kris expected a few contestants to subtly rebel against the theme, he never would have even imagined the approach his roommate would take.
Even though he doesn’t seem like it from his stage persona, Adam Lambert was the nicest guy. Sure he completely took over the bathroom shelves and wore slightly less clothing to bed that Kris would have been comfortable with, but within a week of moving into the mansion, Kris became completely okay with everything Adam did. Adam, of course, tried to make Kris as comfortable as possible without sacrificing a bit of himself in the process, and Kris really appreciated that. The two men, close from all the press they did after Round 2, started to become great friends when they moved in together.
And then, well, Adam decided to sing a Middle Eastern sexed up version of ‘Ring of Fire.’ Adam was really proud of the arrangement he found and the performance he came up with, and okay, maybe he was a little pushy when he asked Kris to watch him perform just short of a million times.
And everything was fine until Monday night, when Adam asked Kris to watch just one more time. Kris thought this would be just a regular practice session, but, well, it was anything but. It was right before the two men were about to go to bed. Adam was wearing nothing but really, really loose pajama pants that hung just a little too low on his hips and a tight black wifebeater. Kris wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything as gorgeous, a thought that he immediately shook out of his head.
This strategy worked for about a millisecond, which is how long it took for Adam to start singing. Except, Adam wasn’t actually just singing. He was performing, getting into the performance, caressing his body like he is actually on fire and he is just looking for release, eyefucking Kris with the most sultry look on his face, singing after the chorus but really just moaning, wailing, like he just can’t hold it in anymore, unless suddenly he climaxes, sorry, finishes his song and stops, and just smiles at Kris like he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.
When Kris could only stare with his mouth wide open causing Adam to ask him if it was too much, Kris tried to get a hold of himself.
“Um, Adam don’t you think that was kinda, well, sexual?”
“Of course, Kris, what do you think I was going for? I just want to show America my true personality,” Adam responds with that dazzling smile that only he can pull off. Adam always managed to look like a sex god and cute as a button, at the same time. Kris never understood how that worked.
Still, Adam was searching for approval, so Kris had to give it to him. “Adam, man, that was amazing. I mean, I could obviously never do a performance like that, but with all the confidence you have, I don’t see how the judges could not love it. It’d be impossible.”
Upon hearing that Adam’s smile grew to an impossible size, and responded “Oh, Kris, honey, I would love to see you give a performance this dirty. I don’t think I could imagine anything more hot. Maybe you’d even let me make you up a little, with a little eyeliner and some leather, there wouldn’t be a prettier person in the world. Not, of course, that you’re not pretty all the time. Cuz, you know are you.”
Kris laughed this blatant flirting off, and just told his roommate he needed some beauty rest for tomorrow’s performance. But sleeping was the last thing on Kris’s mind. Adam had just appealed to him in a way that no one, no girl or guy, has ever before. Kris knew he was going to develop an obsession with Adam, because the older man made him react to the world in a way that nobody had before.
Five weeks ago, Kris had brought up his obsession with his roommate to a new level. Kris could not spend an hour without thinking about Adam, was always trying to spend time with Adam even when it was time for your!top!7! to hang out all together, or could not even sleep throughout the night without waking up to watch how beautiful Adam was when he slept. Adam seemed to notice all of this extra attention, too, which was not something Kris was really okay with.
Adam begged Kris to let him pick out his outfit, just one time! He just wanted to see how Kris would look in tight pants, or a tight shirt, or anything that Adam would pick out for himself. And then there was the time wouldn’t speak to Kris for an entire day, and only pouted around him until Kris finally agreed that Adam could put eyeliner on his eyes, as long as no one else had to see. Adam’s reaction to Kris dressing up a little for him was more than Kris could handle, and Kris begged Adam to go away, claiming he couldn’t handle anyone looking at him in makeup, but really just needing to have some alone time with the shower.
Kris knew he wanted to relationship with Adam to grow and continue more than any friendship he ever had. So when Kris asked the producers if he could sing an Oscar winning song that had never been sung on Idol before for songs from the cinema week, it wasn’t just to be original. He sang that song for Adam.
The younger man didn’t know how to keep his feelings for Adam bottled up anymore, so he tried to express himself the only way he knew how. The song was the best release he could have imagined. It was nice not to keep this secret within himself anymore, even if he still hadn’t told anyone how he truly felt.
On Tuesday night, when Kris gave his most heartfelt performance yet and the judges, surprisingly, liked it, Kris was elated. He was glad his crush on Adam finally brought some good out of it. He was completely content with his choice, until he and Adam got back to the room that night.
“Kris, can I ask you something about Falling Slowly?” Adam asked this question in a voice that Kris had rarely heard before, the one that only came out when Adam was nervous about something.
“Sure, Adam, what’s up? Do you want to know how I finally convinced the producers to let me go after you in the lineup, or how I happened to sing it absolutely perfectly, or why I thought it was a good idea to sing a current song instead of an old-time ballad, or…”
Of course Kris would start rambling when he was nervous. Of course Adam seeming nervous would make Kris nervous. Adam was really starting to affect Kris’s emotions way too much.
“Um, well, “ Adam stuttered as he tried to get through his question.
Adam stuttering? Now Kris was really freaking out.
“Did you, well, did you sing that song to me?”
And so it was out there. Adam was admitted that he knew Kris felt something for him, but leaving it as an open-ended question for Kris to answer anyway he wanted. Of course Adam would give Kris an out when he tried to find out the answer to the question he had been silently asking for weeks.
Kris knew he only had two options. He could deny Adam’s claim and bottle his feelings up even more, and choose his married persona that he was beginning to lose as his roommate captivated him more and more everyday, or he could simply answer yes. Confirming Adam’s suspicions would probably ruin the life he had made for himself. If Adam knew what he wanted, there was no turning back.
But maybe turning back wasn’t something Kris wanted to do anymore.
“Yeah, Adam, I did.”
“Kris, you know what this means, right? I’m the gay one, of course I’ve wanted you since the day we met. But I promised myself I wouldn’t take any action, I wouldn’t trying to turn you gay or anything, I wouldn’t try to touch you even if it killed me. But, Kris, you’re straight. I mean, you’re married! You’re a fucking newlywed, for god sakes. How am I supposed to react to this?”
The only time Kris had ever seen Adam get this mad was when Danny asked him if he was sure he was living his life the right way. When Danny told him it wasn’t too late to get God’s forgiveness, Adam just got this look in his eye like he was ready to kill his competitor. Still, Kris was being brave, going after something he wanted this badly for pretty much the first time in his life, and he had to answer this question the right way.
“Well, Adam, I don’t know how you’re supposed to react, but I was really hoping that you’d kiss me.”
“Kris, you’re absolutely sure about this? I can’t just kiss you, I can’t just start something only to have it end when one of us gets drowned in confetti in a few weeks. I want this more than you know, I’ve wanted this for so long, but you have to be absolutely sure that this is the right thing to do.”
“Adam, I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. I don’t know how my life turned into something like this, but I honestly can’t imagine a world in which I didn’t see you every day. I need this, I need you.”
Upon hearing those words, Adam moved from his own bed and sat down right next to Kris. He leaned in and kissed him tentatively at first, but when Kris started slightly nibbling on his lower lip, begging for entrance, Adam lost all willpower to be gentle. The kiss deepened until both men were dying for air, when Kris pulled away with the biggest smile on his face.
“You know, man, when Randy compared you to the Twilight vampires, I pretty much thought it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But now, that really doesn’t sound so bad. I want nothing more than to kiss you and never have to pull away.”
“Kris Allen, you dirty boy, I think I like this side of you. Maybe you can continue showing me the hidden side of your personality while I work on taking these clothes right off of you?”
Kris’s smile turned from a wide grin into that lazy smile Adam loved to see on him. It normally signified Kris’s southern roots, but today, that smile had another whole meaning. Katy called it his sex smile, but that wasn’t really anything Kris wanted to think about right now. At this time, he just wanted Adam to become acquainted with what this grin truly meant.
When the night was ending, and both men’s clothing were strewn all over their floor, and Adam and Kris were cuddling under their covers, unable to hide the happiness that they were both feeling from each other, Kris finally felt calm for the first time since Adam performed “Ring of Fire,” just for him.
Within the next few weeks, Adam and Kris began spending even more time together, if that was possible. Allison started to be a little offended that she turned into the third wheel, but eventually she figured out what was going on. Funny how only the 17-year-old in the house could understand Kris and Adam’s true feelings for each other.
The two men started ‘going to sleep early’ but obviously, they didn’t sleep as much as they claimed. It sure was nice to have an entire wing of a house to yourselves; you could be as loud as you want.
The kissing and sleeping together and showering together and eventually Kris wearing nail polish continued wonderfully. Until one week ago, that is. One week ago, everything changed.
One week ago, Kris got called down by the Idol lawyer. He thought he was in trouble, but the lawyer only had a document hidden in a large brown folder for Kris, and sorry eyes.
When Kris opened the folder, he couldn’t believe what he saw. Kris was being served. Katy was divorcing him. Even though Kris knew his new relationship meant that his marriage wasn’t going to last, Kris had to know what his (soon-to-be-former) wife was thinking.
“Katy, babe, what the heck are you doing? Are you trying to be funny or cute, or something? Cuz you’re not. Not at all.”
“Kris, you know I love you, right? But I can’t do this anymore. Don’t worry, I won’t let anything get out to the media until the competition is over, but we can’t just pretend to be husband and wife anymore. It’s not fair.”
“Pretend? Katy, what are you talking about? We’ve been married for eight months, how could we be pretending?”
“Kris, the most important part of a marriage is that the two people are in love. As painful as this is for me to admit, you’re not in love with me anymore. I’ve seen the way you look at Adam, I see the way he touches you when he thinks no one is looking, I’ve seen the two of you enter your own little world every time you’re together. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
When Kris hears this, he lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. There’s no point in denying what he was dreading sharing with his wife. Kris knew if he just admitted his feelings for Adam now, he wouldn’t hurt her as much. At least, wouldn’t hurt her more than he already has.
“Yeah, Katy-bear, I am.”
“Kris, I love you. But I just want you to be happy. And if you’re happier with Adam than I could ever make you, than he’s who you should be with. I don’t want you to stay with me if it’s just going to kill you, kill both of us. I need to go, okay? Other than pretending for the cameras, I think it’s going to be hard for me to talk to you for a while.”
When the only thing Kris hears on the other end is the dialtone, he knew everything has changed. But it was a change that only his actions brought, and one that he can’t say he’s sad about. Even though he loves Katy more than anything, he loves Adam in a different, all-consuming way.
And suddenly, Kris has ended up with a life that he still can’t believe or understand how it happened. He’s about to be a 23-year-old divorcee, and he’s in love with his best friend. A best friend who, somehow, Kris managed to make the finals with. When Ryan told Kris that he would be performing in the finals, he knew Adam would be there all the way with this, and he has never been happier in his life.
So somehow, Kris survives the final performance show and all the press and a week with no sleep and lots of sex and reunion with all his Idol buddies and a duet with Keith Urban and it’s almost time for results. Kris was happy when the producers told him that the duet would be the last performance before the results were announced. Kris and Adam would be together until the end. Kris’s excitement turned into euphoria when he learned Queen would be there, too.
Kris and Adam sing together in perfect harmony, of course. Even though they are supposed to be looking at the audience (or at least, the cameras), they can’t keep their eyes off each other. Kris starts to think that this, now, is his life. He and Adam have started something that he’s pretty sure will last forever, and that’s something he’s perfectly okay with. Adam’s got this Christian boy wearing nail polish (and, okay, enjoying how he looks in eyeliner, but don’t let Adam know he’s won) and Kris has never been happier.
When the song ends and Adam runs to Kris to embrace him for the epic duet they’ve just performed, and Kris almost jumps into the hug, but then looks in the eyes of the man that he loves, and leans his face to kiss Adam, on national television, right when the director decides to put a close-up on the final two, and Adam hungrily responds and both boys forget where they are, and they finally pull away, Kris with the guiltiest look on his face and Adam with the naughtiest one, well, Kris really can’t understand what he’s turned his life into.
And yet, announcing him divorce and coming out on the most watched hour of television of the year all seems worth it, when he sees the smile that has landed on Adam’s face.
Plus, the sex that follows when they return after the hotel and Kris still can’t get the confetti out of his hair, well, that’s pretty nice, too.
Pairing: Kradam,
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3090
Summary: Adam's got Kris doing crazy things, but truly, he doesn't mind.
Disclaimer: Not real, unfortunately.
Author's Notes: This was supposed to respond to the one of the boys goes crazy and kisses the other on national television, but it kind of frew a life of its own. Hence, the part 1 of 2. The rest of the prompt will continue in the next part. Title from Falling Slowly.
Kris can’t even imagine how his life got so insane. He keeps waiting for someone to pinch him and wake him up from the dream that’s been these last three months, but it never happens. This… is actually the life Kris Allen is now living.
It’s finale week and he’s running on like three hours a night. The producers give them a whole five hours to sleep daily, but it’s not like Kris can just fall asleep with that roommate of his. Adam makes sure Kris doesn’t go to sleep unhappy, and, well, being with Adam seems like a much greater use of giant bed that the producers left for them when they moved into the mansion, three months ago.
Yeah, okay, so maybe Kris should be forcing himself to sleep more. But maybe he shouldn’t be forced to learn that song Kara wrote or to dance to a Pink song where he’s merely backup to the two men who were supposed to be in the finals. Even so, Kris spends all of his spare time thinking about why his life does not make sense anymore.
Nine weeks ago, Kris was a regular 23-year-old man from Arkansas. He was married and in love with his wife, and was manipulating show themes so he could really sing a Dylan song on Grand Ole Opry night. Yeah, Kris wasn’t country, and he wasn’t going to pretend. While Kris expected a few contestants to subtly rebel against the theme, he never would have even imagined the approach his roommate would take.
Even though he doesn’t seem like it from his stage persona, Adam Lambert was the nicest guy. Sure he completely took over the bathroom shelves and wore slightly less clothing to bed that Kris would have been comfortable with, but within a week of moving into the mansion, Kris became completely okay with everything Adam did. Adam, of course, tried to make Kris as comfortable as possible without sacrificing a bit of himself in the process, and Kris really appreciated that. The two men, close from all the press they did after Round 2, started to become great friends when they moved in together.
And then, well, Adam decided to sing a Middle Eastern sexed up version of ‘Ring of Fire.’ Adam was really proud of the arrangement he found and the performance he came up with, and okay, maybe he was a little pushy when he asked Kris to watch him perform just short of a million times.
And everything was fine until Monday night, when Adam asked Kris to watch just one more time. Kris thought this would be just a regular practice session, but, well, it was anything but. It was right before the two men were about to go to bed. Adam was wearing nothing but really, really loose pajama pants that hung just a little too low on his hips and a tight black wifebeater. Kris wasn’t sure he had ever seen anything as gorgeous, a thought that he immediately shook out of his head.
This strategy worked for about a millisecond, which is how long it took for Adam to start singing. Except, Adam wasn’t actually just singing. He was performing, getting into the performance, caressing his body like he is actually on fire and he is just looking for release, eyefucking Kris with the most sultry look on his face, singing after the chorus but really just moaning, wailing, like he just can’t hold it in anymore, unless suddenly he climaxes, sorry, finishes his song and stops, and just smiles at Kris like he hadn’t done anything out of the ordinary.
When Kris could only stare with his mouth wide open causing Adam to ask him if it was too much, Kris tried to get a hold of himself.
“Um, Adam don’t you think that was kinda, well, sexual?”
“Of course, Kris, what do you think I was going for? I just want to show America my true personality,” Adam responds with that dazzling smile that only he can pull off. Adam always managed to look like a sex god and cute as a button, at the same time. Kris never understood how that worked.
Still, Adam was searching for approval, so Kris had to give it to him. “Adam, man, that was amazing. I mean, I could obviously never do a performance like that, but with all the confidence you have, I don’t see how the judges could not love it. It’d be impossible.”
Upon hearing that Adam’s smile grew to an impossible size, and responded “Oh, Kris, honey, I would love to see you give a performance this dirty. I don’t think I could imagine anything more hot. Maybe you’d even let me make you up a little, with a little eyeliner and some leather, there wouldn’t be a prettier person in the world. Not, of course, that you’re not pretty all the time. Cuz, you know are you.”
Kris laughed this blatant flirting off, and just told his roommate he needed some beauty rest for tomorrow’s performance. But sleeping was the last thing on Kris’s mind. Adam had just appealed to him in a way that no one, no girl or guy, has ever before. Kris knew he was going to develop an obsession with Adam, because the older man made him react to the world in a way that nobody had before.
Five weeks ago, Kris had brought up his obsession with his roommate to a new level. Kris could not spend an hour without thinking about Adam, was always trying to spend time with Adam even when it was time for your!top!7! to hang out all together, or could not even sleep throughout the night without waking up to watch how beautiful Adam was when he slept. Adam seemed to notice all of this extra attention, too, which was not something Kris was really okay with.
Adam begged Kris to let him pick out his outfit, just one time! He just wanted to see how Kris would look in tight pants, or a tight shirt, or anything that Adam would pick out for himself. And then there was the time wouldn’t speak to Kris for an entire day, and only pouted around him until Kris finally agreed that Adam could put eyeliner on his eyes, as long as no one else had to see. Adam’s reaction to Kris dressing up a little for him was more than Kris could handle, and Kris begged Adam to go away, claiming he couldn’t handle anyone looking at him in makeup, but really just needing to have some alone time with the shower.
Kris knew he wanted to relationship with Adam to grow and continue more than any friendship he ever had. So when Kris asked the producers if he could sing an Oscar winning song that had never been sung on Idol before for songs from the cinema week, it wasn’t just to be original. He sang that song for Adam.
The younger man didn’t know how to keep his feelings for Adam bottled up anymore, so he tried to express himself the only way he knew how. The song was the best release he could have imagined. It was nice not to keep this secret within himself anymore, even if he still hadn’t told anyone how he truly felt.
On Tuesday night, when Kris gave his most heartfelt performance yet and the judges, surprisingly, liked it, Kris was elated. He was glad his crush on Adam finally brought some good out of it. He was completely content with his choice, until he and Adam got back to the room that night.
“Kris, can I ask you something about Falling Slowly?” Adam asked this question in a voice that Kris had rarely heard before, the one that only came out when Adam was nervous about something.
“Sure, Adam, what’s up? Do you want to know how I finally convinced the producers to let me go after you in the lineup, or how I happened to sing it absolutely perfectly, or why I thought it was a good idea to sing a current song instead of an old-time ballad, or…”
Of course Kris would start rambling when he was nervous. Of course Adam seeming nervous would make Kris nervous. Adam was really starting to affect Kris’s emotions way too much.
“Um, well, “ Adam stuttered as he tried to get through his question.
Adam stuttering? Now Kris was really freaking out.
“Did you, well, did you sing that song to me?”
And so it was out there. Adam was admitted that he knew Kris felt something for him, but leaving it as an open-ended question for Kris to answer anyway he wanted. Of course Adam would give Kris an out when he tried to find out the answer to the question he had been silently asking for weeks.
Kris knew he only had two options. He could deny Adam’s claim and bottle his feelings up even more, and choose his married persona that he was beginning to lose as his roommate captivated him more and more everyday, or he could simply answer yes. Confirming Adam’s suspicions would probably ruin the life he had made for himself. If Adam knew what he wanted, there was no turning back.
But maybe turning back wasn’t something Kris wanted to do anymore.
“Yeah, Adam, I did.”
“Kris, you know what this means, right? I’m the gay one, of course I’ve wanted you since the day we met. But I promised myself I wouldn’t take any action, I wouldn’t trying to turn you gay or anything, I wouldn’t try to touch you even if it killed me. But, Kris, you’re straight. I mean, you’re married! You’re a fucking newlywed, for god sakes. How am I supposed to react to this?”
The only time Kris had ever seen Adam get this mad was when Danny asked him if he was sure he was living his life the right way. When Danny told him it wasn’t too late to get God’s forgiveness, Adam just got this look in his eye like he was ready to kill his competitor. Still, Kris was being brave, going after something he wanted this badly for pretty much the first time in his life, and he had to answer this question the right way.
“Well, Adam, I don’t know how you’re supposed to react, but I was really hoping that you’d kiss me.”
“Kris, you’re absolutely sure about this? I can’t just kiss you, I can’t just start something only to have it end when one of us gets drowned in confetti in a few weeks. I want this more than you know, I’ve wanted this for so long, but you have to be absolutely sure that this is the right thing to do.”
“Adam, I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my entire life. I don’t know how my life turned into something like this, but I honestly can’t imagine a world in which I didn’t see you every day. I need this, I need you.”
Upon hearing those words, Adam moved from his own bed and sat down right next to Kris. He leaned in and kissed him tentatively at first, but when Kris started slightly nibbling on his lower lip, begging for entrance, Adam lost all willpower to be gentle. The kiss deepened until both men were dying for air, when Kris pulled away with the biggest smile on his face.
“You know, man, when Randy compared you to the Twilight vampires, I pretty much thought it was the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. But now, that really doesn’t sound so bad. I want nothing more than to kiss you and never have to pull away.”
“Kris Allen, you dirty boy, I think I like this side of you. Maybe you can continue showing me the hidden side of your personality while I work on taking these clothes right off of you?”
Kris’s smile turned from a wide grin into that lazy smile Adam loved to see on him. It normally signified Kris’s southern roots, but today, that smile had another whole meaning. Katy called it his sex smile, but that wasn’t really anything Kris wanted to think about right now. At this time, he just wanted Adam to become acquainted with what this grin truly meant.
When the night was ending, and both men’s clothing were strewn all over their floor, and Adam and Kris were cuddling under their covers, unable to hide the happiness that they were both feeling from each other, Kris finally felt calm for the first time since Adam performed “Ring of Fire,” just for him.
Within the next few weeks, Adam and Kris began spending even more time together, if that was possible. Allison started to be a little offended that she turned into the third wheel, but eventually she figured out what was going on. Funny how only the 17-year-old in the house could understand Kris and Adam’s true feelings for each other.
The two men started ‘going to sleep early’ but obviously, they didn’t sleep as much as they claimed. It sure was nice to have an entire wing of a house to yourselves; you could be as loud as you want.
The kissing and sleeping together and showering together and eventually Kris wearing nail polish continued wonderfully. Until one week ago, that is. One week ago, everything changed.
One week ago, Kris got called down by the Idol lawyer. He thought he was in trouble, but the lawyer only had a document hidden in a large brown folder for Kris, and sorry eyes.
When Kris opened the folder, he couldn’t believe what he saw. Kris was being served. Katy was divorcing him. Even though Kris knew his new relationship meant that his marriage wasn’t going to last, Kris had to know what his (soon-to-be-former) wife was thinking.
“Katy, babe, what the heck are you doing? Are you trying to be funny or cute, or something? Cuz you’re not. Not at all.”
“Kris, you know I love you, right? But I can’t do this anymore. Don’t worry, I won’t let anything get out to the media until the competition is over, but we can’t just pretend to be husband and wife anymore. It’s not fair.”
“Pretend? Katy, what are you talking about? We’ve been married for eight months, how could we be pretending?”
“Kris, the most important part of a marriage is that the two people are in love. As painful as this is for me to admit, you’re not in love with me anymore. I’ve seen the way you look at Adam, I see the way he touches you when he thinks no one is looking, I’ve seen the two of you enter your own little world every time you’re together. You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
When Kris hears this, he lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding. There’s no point in denying what he was dreading sharing with his wife. Kris knew if he just admitted his feelings for Adam now, he wouldn’t hurt her as much. At least, wouldn’t hurt her more than he already has.
“Yeah, Katy-bear, I am.”
“Kris, I love you. But I just want you to be happy. And if you’re happier with Adam than I could ever make you, than he’s who you should be with. I don’t want you to stay with me if it’s just going to kill you, kill both of us. I need to go, okay? Other than pretending for the cameras, I think it’s going to be hard for me to talk to you for a while.”
When the only thing Kris hears on the other end is the dialtone, he knew everything has changed. But it was a change that only his actions brought, and one that he can’t say he’s sad about. Even though he loves Katy more than anything, he loves Adam in a different, all-consuming way.
And suddenly, Kris has ended up with a life that he still can’t believe or understand how it happened. He’s about to be a 23-year-old divorcee, and he’s in love with his best friend. A best friend who, somehow, Kris managed to make the finals with. When Ryan told Kris that he would be performing in the finals, he knew Adam would be there all the way with this, and he has never been happier in his life.
So somehow, Kris survives the final performance show and all the press and a week with no sleep and lots of sex and reunion with all his Idol buddies and a duet with Keith Urban and it’s almost time for results. Kris was happy when the producers told him that the duet would be the last performance before the results were announced. Kris and Adam would be together until the end. Kris’s excitement turned into euphoria when he learned Queen would be there, too.
Kris and Adam sing together in perfect harmony, of course. Even though they are supposed to be looking at the audience (or at least, the cameras), they can’t keep their eyes off each other. Kris starts to think that this, now, is his life. He and Adam have started something that he’s pretty sure will last forever, and that’s something he’s perfectly okay with. Adam’s got this Christian boy wearing nail polish (and, okay, enjoying how he looks in eyeliner, but don’t let Adam know he’s won) and Kris has never been happier.
When the song ends and Adam runs to Kris to embrace him for the epic duet they’ve just performed, and Kris almost jumps into the hug, but then looks in the eyes of the man that he loves, and leans his face to kiss Adam, on national television, right when the director decides to put a close-up on the final two, and Adam hungrily responds and both boys forget where they are, and they finally pull away, Kris with the guiltiest look on his face and Adam with the naughtiest one, well, Kris really can’t understand what he’s turned his life into.
And yet, announcing him divorce and coming out on the most watched hour of television of the year all seems worth it, when he sees the smile that has landed on Adam’s face.
Plus, the sex that follows when they return after the hotel and Kris still can’t get the confetti out of his hair, well, that’s pretty nice, too.