Hearts and brackets ahead.
I look at him and I feel at ease. I look at him and I finally understand why I always carried around an underlying sadness until I met him. It's a cliche to hear someone say that when you meet the right one, you know. That is, it's a cliche until you hear yourself saying it. But when you do, you're going to be so far away from caring what someone thinks that it won't even matter. I've entered another universe, another dimension. I'm another person while still remaining myself. I'm a better man. The wounds that I felt would never heal have finally become scars, I can't erase them but they no longer hurt me. Within this marriage, I feel true freedom for the first time in my life with the ball and chain. I get lost in thought and he looks over at me with glossy eyes, his hands still holding his drink.
"What's up?" He asks me, tilting his chin up with emphasis.
"Everything but that glass." I reply, tapping the bottom of his wine with my finger.
He smiles as he sips, his eyes locked on mine and all I can do is smile back. We smile like we have a secret and I love it. Harper and Gideon are knocking shoulders, fighting for the remote so that they can decide who will pick the next cartoon. Gideon is getting better at his insults and Harper excels at knowing exactly where on the arm to pinch for maximum pain. They are five years old and I am already terrified about their teenage years. As if he reads my mind, Neil jokingly whispers an offer that we can always send them off to live with David. I knock his shoulder with my own and suddenly realize where Harper got it from. Leo comes into the picture with two ears back and protectively sits himself between the twins and I can hear both Fred and Watson snoring on their dog beds behind us. They're not so interested in what we're doing but still enjoy being in the same room as their humans. The fireplace is golden on all of us, the contained flames dancing upright. I get carried away in thoughts again and feel my mind wander. His eyes are focused on the TV now as he sips and I wonder to myself, if I could choose, what is the last thing I would ever say to him. I play these games all the time in my mind but I didn't exactly plan for the water to well up in my eyelids during the thought. It's the alcohol I tell myself. Even though I blink it back quickly, he's already seen me and looks surprised with his focus entirely on me. And then it's like I don't need to say anything when I kiss him. He knows, he feels it. I couldn't have made it without him and I look forward to the future where I'll never have to know a life without him. There will be good times and there will be bad times but as long as those times are spent with him, that's all I care about.
[I've been a member of this community since December 2002 (in another form, obviously) and within these (almost) fourteen years I have found some amazing friends (some here and some not) that have helped me through more than they will ever know. Because of this place, I never had to be lonely, I never had to be sad. I always found a distraction when I needed it. This community has given me so much through the years that I hope I have done my part in giving back. Not too long ago I likened this place to someone on life support. You can hope they pull through but at the end of the day, it's a machine that beats the heart and a machine that gives breath. The true life has gone. It's hard not to hope for the best because you care so deeply even when there's no reason for you to. With some thought, I realized that I should have been applying that theory to my own view on this hobby as a whole, not just a single community. With that said, I'm going to go ahead and pull that plug.
Within my time here I have had some amazing laughs, made some incredible memories of late night foolishness and met some beautiful folks. Then when I left the first time, I couldn't help but feel some unfinished business and after a few years I dusted Jake off and brought him back out of boredom. Previously I've written out heartbreak after heartbreak and dealt with some of the absolute shittiest, most inexplicably cruel and bizarre behavior that another role-player can exhibit. It was never entertaining to me. I have never had much luck with this until February 27th, 2014 when he found Neil. It's been so easy, so flexible and so so so fucking enjoyable. Without a doubt, I had found my most favorite muse. One that is beyond compare. One that will never be repeated. I have had such a lucky run that part of me doesn't ever want it to stop but I know that going out on top is the best choice. Because of the love and kindness displayed through my friends here, I've managed to carry that warmth and confidence into the real world and find a very happy life for myself. And I am really excited to leave this to focus fully on the next chapter that life has for me. Unfortunately I can't always take this with me but I will never have to leave behind the love I have for those who have been there or the love I've felt from them. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for any and every one reading this and I hope that you find yourself happy and content, no matter what it is that makes you happy and content.
And harris? Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for trusting and going along with the craziness, thank you for always understanding and for all the nights when we were up beyond our bed times. Thank you for making this worthwhile and thank you for giving me the most amazing story line and the greatest place to take a bow. You, my dear, are one of a kind and I will punch you square in the face if you ever forget that. Thank you for reaching out first. Thank you for simply being awesome. Just, thank you.
I want to thank each and every person who has meant something to me but you already know. And if you don't know, I've failed on my part of being an appreciative human being. So in case you're wondering: I'm so grateful for you. I'm grateful for your comments and even more grateful to anyone who took the time to actually read my posts.
Thank you for a phenomenal set of years, MBP. I'm not anywhere else so this is my curtain call and I couldn't have picked a better place or time to close. I feel like I'm going out on top. Keep it classy and remember to never let that negative energy throw you off your game.]
"What's up?" He asks me, tilting his chin up with emphasis.
"Everything but that glass." I reply, tapping the bottom of his wine with my finger.
He smiles as he sips, his eyes locked on mine and all I can do is smile back. We smile like we have a secret and I love it. Harper and Gideon are knocking shoulders, fighting for the remote so that they can decide who will pick the next cartoon. Gideon is getting better at his insults and Harper excels at knowing exactly where on the arm to pinch for maximum pain. They are five years old and I am already terrified about their teenage years. As if he reads my mind, Neil jokingly whispers an offer that we can always send them off to live with David. I knock his shoulder with my own and suddenly realize where Harper got it from. Leo comes into the picture with two ears back and protectively sits himself between the twins and I can hear both Fred and Watson snoring on their dog beds behind us. They're not so interested in what we're doing but still enjoy being in the same room as their humans. The fireplace is golden on all of us, the contained flames dancing upright. I get carried away in thoughts again and feel my mind wander. His eyes are focused on the TV now as he sips and I wonder to myself, if I could choose, what is the last thing I would ever say to him. I play these games all the time in my mind but I didn't exactly plan for the water to well up in my eyelids during the thought. It's the alcohol I tell myself. Even though I blink it back quickly, he's already seen me and looks surprised with his focus entirely on me. And then it's like I don't need to say anything when I kiss him. He knows, he feels it. I couldn't have made it without him and I look forward to the future where I'll never have to know a life without him. There will be good times and there will be bad times but as long as those times are spent with him, that's all I care about.
[I've been a member of this community since December 2002 (in another form, obviously) and within these (almost) fourteen years I have found some amazing friends (some here and some not) that have helped me through more than they will ever know. Because of this place, I never had to be lonely, I never had to be sad. I always found a distraction when I needed it. This community has given me so much through the years that I hope I have done my part in giving back. Not too long ago I likened this place to someone on life support. You can hope they pull through but at the end of the day, it's a machine that beats the heart and a machine that gives breath. The true life has gone. It's hard not to hope for the best because you care so deeply even when there's no reason for you to. With some thought, I realized that I should have been applying that theory to my own view on this hobby as a whole, not just a single community. With that said, I'm going to go ahead and pull that plug.
Within my time here I have had some amazing laughs, made some incredible memories of late night foolishness and met some beautiful folks. Then when I left the first time, I couldn't help but feel some unfinished business and after a few years I dusted Jake off and brought him back out of boredom. Previously I've written out heartbreak after heartbreak and dealt with some of the absolute shittiest, most inexplicably cruel and bizarre behavior that another role-player can exhibit. It was never entertaining to me. I have never had much luck with this until February 27th, 2014 when he found Neil. It's been so easy, so flexible and so so so fucking enjoyable. Without a doubt, I had found my most favorite muse. One that is beyond compare. One that will never be repeated. I have had such a lucky run that part of me doesn't ever want it to stop but I know that going out on top is the best choice. Because of the love and kindness displayed through my friends here, I've managed to carry that warmth and confidence into the real world and find a very happy life for myself. And I am really excited to leave this to focus fully on the next chapter that life has for me. Unfortunately I can't always take this with me but I will never have to leave behind the love I have for those who have been there or the love I've felt from them. I genuinely wish nothing but the best for any and every one reading this and I hope that you find yourself happy and content, no matter what it is that makes you happy and content.
And harris? Thank you for taking this journey with me. Thank you for trusting and going along with the craziness, thank you for always understanding and for all the nights when we were up beyond our bed times. Thank you for making this worthwhile and thank you for giving me the most amazing story line and the greatest place to take a bow. You, my dear, are one of a kind and I will punch you square in the face if you ever forget that. Thank you for reaching out first. Thank you for simply being awesome. Just, thank you.
I want to thank each and every person who has meant something to me but you already know. And if you don't know, I've failed on my part of being an appreciative human being. So in case you're wondering: I'm so grateful for you. I'm grateful for your comments and even more grateful to anyone who took the time to actually read my posts.
Thank you for a phenomenal set of years, MBP. I'm not anywhere else so this is my curtain call and I couldn't have picked a better place or time to close. I feel like I'm going out on top. Keep it classy and remember to never let that negative energy throw you off your game.]