my monthly address
seems like i'm jumping on here once a month just to justify still having this stupid waste of time. it's not like i don't have things to say, it's just the same shit i always talk about. i play video games to escape being me for a while. my job is becoming that place that i get sick walking to because i know something stupid is going on. i'm sleeping more but getting no rest. school is getting close to being over, but far enough away that i've got alot of work ahead of me. it's not to say that my life sucks. it doesn't. not at all. i'm just worn down. winter and x-mas and being close to too broke to get anyone anything doesn't help. but whatever. people don't read this to hear me bitch. people don't read this at all. if facebook had a blog feature, this site would be dead.
it's winter. snowed about two inches yesterday. been deader then shit at work. just bad vibes and desperation in the air. luckily, i don't dislike anyone that i work with on a regular basis so that makes work alittle more tolerable. needless to say, i'm really looking forward to quitting. i've got a while to go, but it's really run itself into the wall. i'm not wasting time writing about this.
music has all but died. i had plans. i really did have plans to keep playing. but with all the shit going on in my life, it's isn't really working out the way i want. i keep trying. i'm trying to play my guitar, something that i really haven't touched since i parted ways with Morphic. it's really a matter that i can't decide what i really want to play. i'm bored with metal and hardcore. it's ok to listen to, granted that i really don't listen to anything made in the last few years. getting back into Helmet and the Jesus Lizard. but i've been into Miles Davis and alot of obscure jazz stuff, as well as more Brian Eno and classical. been deep into video game soundtracks. bioshock, portal and oblivion are always in my ipod, bumming out people i work with. kool keith is taking up alot of space, too.
i've rediscovered DJ Shadow's classic "Endtroducing..." god damn! this album is the shit. it's sex. it's been replacing Aphex Twin's "selected ambient works 2" LP as my "record that i play all winter to get bummed out in a somewhat good way" record. i've been listening to SAW 2 all winter since i first heard it in 1995. "Changling" is the track i've been running through my head, wishing that i was the one that could have made it. listening to it makes me want to quit music altogether, because nothing i do will ever be as profound as the records i like. nothing i make moves me. like i wasted all the drive i had making the human cloning record that no one fucking cared about. all and all, my musical "career" has been pretty worthless. whatever. i still like some of the stuff i've done. it's just that now, i really don't care about anything relating to music enough to make new music anymore. i hate smokey clubs. i hate people that drink and waste my time with stupid and pointless talk. i hate club kids. fuck. seeing ads for the 1470's "reunion" nights or the never ending Mr.industrialpants goth nights lets me know that i'm on the right path. that shit is a huge waste of time. hey, if that's your thing, do it. but know that i think it's pointless bullshit to see the same people that have been getting wasted for the last 10 years still doing the same thing at the same nights to the same fucking music.
well, as cheery as this has been, i'm going back to Fallout 3 and taking DJ Shadow off pause and continuing with my cold night.
later,
J.
it's winter. snowed about two inches yesterday. been deader then shit at work. just bad vibes and desperation in the air. luckily, i don't dislike anyone that i work with on a regular basis so that makes work alittle more tolerable. needless to say, i'm really looking forward to quitting. i've got a while to go, but it's really run itself into the wall. i'm not wasting time writing about this.
music has all but died. i had plans. i really did have plans to keep playing. but with all the shit going on in my life, it's isn't really working out the way i want. i keep trying. i'm trying to play my guitar, something that i really haven't touched since i parted ways with Morphic. it's really a matter that i can't decide what i really want to play. i'm bored with metal and hardcore. it's ok to listen to, granted that i really don't listen to anything made in the last few years. getting back into Helmet and the Jesus Lizard. but i've been into Miles Davis and alot of obscure jazz stuff, as well as more Brian Eno and classical. been deep into video game soundtracks. bioshock, portal and oblivion are always in my ipod, bumming out people i work with. kool keith is taking up alot of space, too.
i've rediscovered DJ Shadow's classic "Endtroducing..." god damn! this album is the shit. it's sex. it's been replacing Aphex Twin's "selected ambient works 2" LP as my "record that i play all winter to get bummed out in a somewhat good way" record. i've been listening to SAW 2 all winter since i first heard it in 1995. "Changling" is the track i've been running through my head, wishing that i was the one that could have made it. listening to it makes me want to quit music altogether, because nothing i do will ever be as profound as the records i like. nothing i make moves me. like i wasted all the drive i had making the human cloning record that no one fucking cared about. all and all, my musical "career" has been pretty worthless. whatever. i still like some of the stuff i've done. it's just that now, i really don't care about anything relating to music enough to make new music anymore. i hate smokey clubs. i hate people that drink and waste my time with stupid and pointless talk. i hate club kids. fuck. seeing ads for the 1470's "reunion" nights or the never ending Mr.industrialpants goth nights lets me know that i'm on the right path. that shit is a huge waste of time. hey, if that's your thing, do it. but know that i think it's pointless bullshit to see the same people that have been getting wasted for the last 10 years still doing the same thing at the same nights to the same fucking music.
well, as cheery as this has been, i'm going back to Fallout 3 and taking DJ Shadow off pause and continuing with my cold night.
later,
J.