I Haven't Done This in Years...
I guess I haven't posted anything personal here in years. Since I started this up again, I might as well.
A quick recap: I'm now an uncle of 7...My sister gave birth to Mia. She's a miracle child: if it weren't for her my sister would have not found out about a severe case of uterian cancer. Also, last I talked about me I was unemployed, after being laid off. I did gain employment in late 2010 at a Walmart in Evansville, IN, as a cart pusher. I worked outside during the winter and early spring, once I overcame a mental breakdown in January. I couldn't believe that all the hard work I did at Ashland came down to pushing carts. Frustrated in the direction my life was taking then, I took a minor leave of absence to get my ducks in a row. I returned to Walmart in Indiana a week later, week by week, day by day getting better. It was an amazing experience to work through a severe thunderstorm on new years' eve, and working through snowfall. I eventually enjoyed working there...the friends I made there, the open air, the time to work and think at the same time. Then things took a shocking turn for the worse in 2011.
In April 2011, I received horrible news: my father's health was failing. In the hopes of seeing him one last time, we moved back to Ohio. One problem though: I haven't heard from my father since the summer of 2006. At the time of moving I didn't have a way of contacting him, since he changed the only number he gave me shortly after I saw him in 2006, and sadly I didn't know how to find him. I couldn't think of who to talk to, who to call, etc. I was also afraid to ask my family to take me to Mansfield to see him, because I was afraid that my mother would disown me for entertaining the thought. My father passed in Mansfield on May 17, 2011 to a stroke, unbeknownst to me.
Three days later, May 20, I went to the Iberia Elementary School farewell ceremony. I planned to attend this event, even if I were still living in Evansville, because that building meant a lot to me. I wasn't there to talk to people; I was there to say goodbye. The building was full of people, but walking through the building I couldn't help but feel the horrible feeling of death.
Ever since I graduated Northmor in 1998, I've had an eerie dream many times. All I could remember from the dream was looking down the halls of the 6th grade wing of the building, surrounded that dreadful feeling of death. It was on May 20th, where this dream came to actuality. I was dreadfully looking down that hallway, breathing the heavy air that surrounds death. It wasn't until later when I realized the significance of the dream...
It was inevitable: I saw a lot of history I tried hard to block: the classmates who tortured me, however I did talk to some people: favorite teachers and some of my real friends I had there, whom I haven't seen in years. Then there were the people who knew me because of my father's work in Iberia's elementary boys basketball program and Northmor sports. A football coach came up to me asking about him. I couldn't just tell them I haven't heard from him in 5 years. So I told them he was doing ok, completely ignorant to the fact he died 3 days earlier. Them asking me that question bothered me...for some reason I felt it was meant to have been asked, but I didn't know why...
I didn't find out about my father's passing until a day in June, where I ran into childhood friends, the Langehor's, while I was working at Marion's Walmart in the electronics department. Karl told me, "I'm so sorry to hear about your dad," not knowing I didn't know of my father's passing. It was then where I found out that he died of a stroke, and Karl knew because cousins of mine lived next to him (once again, something I wasn't aware of). I was absolutely devastated. I called home to tell everyone what I just learned, and somehow they already knew. I completely lost it when my family brought home his cremated remains. The only time I cried harder in my life was the last night I saw
easterlily41482 in 2004. I cried so much I made myself sick. When they came home they told me they would have taken me to Mansfield to see him, mom wouldn't have been upset for doing so. Also it was then when I realized all of the answers of finding him were right there before my eyes. Then I completely fell apart when I started thinking about things: what his thoughts were before he passed, the possibility of him thinking I betrayed and neglected him. It absolutely tortured me. I credit
easterlily41482 to bringing me back from a personal dissent of madness. Even to this day those thoughts of what he was thinking haunt me, and I know they always will.
It was around this time in 2011 when a health problem began to rise. I was establishing myself with a doctor in Marion, and everything was going ok, until the very end, where they took my pulse. It was only 42, concerning the doctor. She had me go in for a walk-in EKG in August, 2011. I thought it would be an in-and-out thing, but I guess my pulse was so low, they admitted me in the hospital overnight. For months I went to Columbus' OSU Ross Heart Center, and ultimately they decided that I'd eventually need a pacemaker, but being so young, we decided to not do it then.
Then comes August 2012. Out of nowhere my blood pressure would fluctuate from dangerously low and high spikes, which would make me shake, weak, and at times pass out. I couldn't even get out of bed to work. This prompted more visits to OSU, and in October we decided to install the pacemaker. I haven't felt those symptoms since, so the procedure was a good thing, but I'll have to go in every 4-6 years to get the pacemaker replaced.
And that brings us up to 2013. Can't say things, but I have a bad feeling this year will cause much chaos, but ultimately it'll all be for the ultimate good. Now that my health's stable, I'm considering to work as a substitute teacher during the day and Walmart at night.
A quick recap: I'm now an uncle of 7...My sister gave birth to Mia. She's a miracle child: if it weren't for her my sister would have not found out about a severe case of uterian cancer. Also, last I talked about me I was unemployed, after being laid off. I did gain employment in late 2010 at a Walmart in Evansville, IN, as a cart pusher. I worked outside during the winter and early spring, once I overcame a mental breakdown in January. I couldn't believe that all the hard work I did at Ashland came down to pushing carts. Frustrated in the direction my life was taking then, I took a minor leave of absence to get my ducks in a row. I returned to Walmart in Indiana a week later, week by week, day by day getting better. It was an amazing experience to work through a severe thunderstorm on new years' eve, and working through snowfall. I eventually enjoyed working there...the friends I made there, the open air, the time to work and think at the same time. Then things took a shocking turn for the worse in 2011.
In April 2011, I received horrible news: my father's health was failing. In the hopes of seeing him one last time, we moved back to Ohio. One problem though: I haven't heard from my father since the summer of 2006. At the time of moving I didn't have a way of contacting him, since he changed the only number he gave me shortly after I saw him in 2006, and sadly I didn't know how to find him. I couldn't think of who to talk to, who to call, etc. I was also afraid to ask my family to take me to Mansfield to see him, because I was afraid that my mother would disown me for entertaining the thought. My father passed in Mansfield on May 17, 2011 to a stroke, unbeknownst to me.
Three days later, May 20, I went to the Iberia Elementary School farewell ceremony. I planned to attend this event, even if I were still living in Evansville, because that building meant a lot to me. I wasn't there to talk to people; I was there to say goodbye. The building was full of people, but walking through the building I couldn't help but feel the horrible feeling of death.
Ever since I graduated Northmor in 1998, I've had an eerie dream many times. All I could remember from the dream was looking down the halls of the 6th grade wing of the building, surrounded that dreadful feeling of death. It was on May 20th, where this dream came to actuality. I was dreadfully looking down that hallway, breathing the heavy air that surrounds death. It wasn't until later when I realized the significance of the dream...
It was inevitable: I saw a lot of history I tried hard to block: the classmates who tortured me, however I did talk to some people: favorite teachers and some of my real friends I had there, whom I haven't seen in years. Then there were the people who knew me because of my father's work in Iberia's elementary boys basketball program and Northmor sports. A football coach came up to me asking about him. I couldn't just tell them I haven't heard from him in 5 years. So I told them he was doing ok, completely ignorant to the fact he died 3 days earlier. Them asking me that question bothered me...for some reason I felt it was meant to have been asked, but I didn't know why...
I didn't find out about my father's passing until a day in June, where I ran into childhood friends, the Langehor's, while I was working at Marion's Walmart in the electronics department. Karl told me, "I'm so sorry to hear about your dad," not knowing I didn't know of my father's passing. It was then where I found out that he died of a stroke, and Karl knew because cousins of mine lived next to him (once again, something I wasn't aware of). I was absolutely devastated. I called home to tell everyone what I just learned, and somehow they already knew. I completely lost it when my family brought home his cremated remains. The only time I cried harder in my life was the last night I saw
easterlily41482 in 2004. I cried so much I made myself sick. When they came home they told me they would have taken me to Mansfield to see him, mom wouldn't have been upset for doing so. Also it was then when I realized all of the answers of finding him were right there before my eyes. Then I completely fell apart when I started thinking about things: what his thoughts were before he passed, the possibility of him thinking I betrayed and neglected him. It absolutely tortured me. I credit
easterlily41482 to bringing me back from a personal dissent of madness. Even to this day those thoughts of what he was thinking haunt me, and I know they always will.
It was around this time in 2011 when a health problem began to rise. I was establishing myself with a doctor in Marion, and everything was going ok, until the very end, where they took my pulse. It was only 42, concerning the doctor. She had me go in for a walk-in EKG in August, 2011. I thought it would be an in-and-out thing, but I guess my pulse was so low, they admitted me in the hospital overnight. For months I went to Columbus' OSU Ross Heart Center, and ultimately they decided that I'd eventually need a pacemaker, but being so young, we decided to not do it then.
Then comes August 2012. Out of nowhere my blood pressure would fluctuate from dangerously low and high spikes, which would make me shake, weak, and at times pass out. I couldn't even get out of bed to work. This prompted more visits to OSU, and in October we decided to install the pacemaker. I haven't felt those symptoms since, so the procedure was a good thing, but I'll have to go in every 4-6 years to get the pacemaker replaced.
And that brings us up to 2013. Can't say things, but I have a bad feeling this year will cause much chaos, but ultimately it'll all be for the ultimate good. Now that my health's stable, I'm considering to work as a substitute teacher during the day and Walmart at night.