(no subject)
all i want to do is let it all out here just so i can sort things out. it looks like today is going to be the big day i let got of a lot of my fears and just try and be honest with this one girl whom i care a lot about... one who may be too pretty and too outgoing for me, but i dont know... i just think id be a good match for her, and i think shed be an ok match for me. i cant seem to stop worrying, i always become way more nervous than i should be... and actually im really just scared right now. ive been trying to undo the what if's recently... and this will hopefully pay off. i think ill be able to handle being rejected, i just cant handle not knowing anymore... last time i blew up. and i said some stupid ass shit. and i just felt so stupid afterwards, i havnt been able to apologize because im sure im just fucking crazy sometimes.
i dont want it to seem like its all an obsession or some stupid disillusion, because i really dont think it is... i dont want to think that i dont know her well enough, i think i do... as well as i should know her in order to make that decision and in order for me to care about her, i suppose...
i dont want her to worry or anything, at all.. im a well founded person of great principles and beliefs and i just want to know if there is anything there. or just to let her know that i care... its really hard to get that out because what she thinks is very important to me... its not about LOVE, its about compassion... and i dont like to seem like a fucking weirdo. oh man. i dont know what else to say, im going to try to look back at some entries and see if any of those are good enough to quote or not. i just wish this could be easier.
i dont want it to seem like its all an obsession or some stupid disillusion, because i really dont think it is... i dont want to think that i dont know her well enough, i think i do... as well as i should know her in order to make that decision and in order for me to care about her, i suppose...
i dont want her to worry or anything, at all.. im a well founded person of great principles and beliefs and i just want to know if there is anything there. or just to let her know that i care... its really hard to get that out because what she thinks is very important to me... its not about LOVE, its about compassion... and i dont like to seem like a fucking weirdo. oh man. i dont know what else to say, im going to try to look back at some entries and see if any of those are good enough to quote or not. i just wish this could be easier.