(no subject)
i finally developed some pics, im going to soo upload all the pics i have ever taken into picture trail... what ive always been wanting to do. once i buy my lap top im going to buy my own space in the web and put all the pics arrange them a certain way... talk about all the people i like and dont like in the pictures and let all my friends in. now that i know what lap top i want and how much it costs, 2155, i can make real plans as to how i can get that much money. i raised 1100 in like 2.5 weeks... :) and i can def hit any goal i have.
picture trail
i befriended justin... he seems to be a guy with dreams too. i love people with dreams and great expectations of themselves, with the willingness to better themselves so severely that it is what burns inside of them, im all about the sweat you produce due to all the exercise you do because of whatever it is you want to achieve. i love people who want to to the best they possibly can in this world and put the highest of expectations possible.
i was told that i know alot more than i credit myself for, that yeah i am pretty fucking smart... so god damn charming. and i hate having all this go to my head, and i hate the way i express myself to ana. i probably seem so heartless. but i just dont want to be too intimate with her. i was warned about her from the start i suppose. i go crazy when i think of her... and i dont think i should be going crazy just yet. i want to calm down.
i want her to see how great i am, and how hard i can be. i dotn want to be double crossed by her, i dont want her to think that i could be a fling... i want her to be how serious i am about whatever it is im serious about... dont feel like going into detail about that.. i want her to sort of be afraid of the limits i dont have. i want to pressure her to thinking that i am the one at the better end of the spectrum. i want her to think that im giving her the chance, rather than her giving me the chance. i want to the be the one that holds the strings because im so fucking scared of her. this is exactly what i read too. i tend to put up a grandiose appearance due to fear... all sorts of fear. i dont want to seem like im not worth it, i want to be noticed, and just fucking loved so intensely and truly appreciated because i am the person who is so willing to do whatever if i fucking love you. i just dont want to be walked on.
ana is so fucking pretty, and so smart... and given the chance she could accel herself to just about anything. i have more confidence in her than i do in myself, e ven knowing that i can be a salar manager in like 3-4 years. i cant fucking believe the amount of attention i dedicate to her. its all got to be so obvious. i am the most obvious person in the world, im sure she has that understanding. she believes in me too though. she tells people. yeah jose is so nice, and smart... very funny. and such a gentleman... and hes going to be rich. he's a hard worker. jose is so mature, especially for his age. yeah hes got so much going for him, hes 19 and going into headwait... wow jose, you deserve it, im wondering why you havnt been put into that section before hand.. she gives me so much credit. and i feel so appreciated when she looks at me... and when she walks with me, and tells me to walk with her, and every time we fucking talk... i hate saying all this, but saying all this is the best i can do for myself instead of having it repeated over and over in my fucking head, thats what i tend to do with things. when i write them out, i forget about them for a while. i hate being so nurotic. damn.
i plan ahead so often, and i want to do so much. i am buying the lap top with a crazy condition. i am going to tell ana all about it and be like yeah any time you have to do anykind of homework just let me know, you can borrow this any time... blah blah blah... and ill probably get her the memebership soon too. and once all of that is taken care of, i can save up for my car. a volkswagon jetta :). i hate being at peoples disposal, but that makes me feel like im needed, and like im apart of someone, and i like feeling the love it allows me to feel. i love caring for other people more than myself i really do. and the girl i marry will be so goddamn lucky.
if i were to say any of this to ana, she may be thrilled, or maybe scared? or maybe confused... i dont know what she wants with me, shes so good at playing these kind of games, and im new.. just like i am to drinking...
i went to katy and christines last night and had a fun time playing the dumbest game. i enjoy drinking, it gives you such a great feeling, its awesome. and i dont drink and drive. and people like me so they dont mind if i crash at their house, on the sofa... or anywhere else. i stayed up til 4 last night, and woke up at like 8 to go home... huntsvilles is such a long ways away. drunk night number 3. ahaha... i keep track of this kind of stuff, lame. 0 hangovers, because i just do it enough to get the buzz, ahaha.
work at 330, section j. i hope ana isnt working. and i just noticed that the pic i took of my pink shirt didnt come out, fucking flash. i bought 2 more disposable cameras though, and ill take some more pics and develop them soon. i love taking pics of all my current obsessions and favorite details throughout the day... i love it.
i can thank the diet green tea for allowing me to feel so good right now. and the employee meeting was fun, i love those kind of things... i love being professional and feeling apart of a whole, and head wait seems so easy, i think ill do well... and it gives me such a boost too. i am a much more important person at outback because of this. and sooner or later ill be even more important. i swear that i can get so far soo soon, i am confident that i can be a much better manager than some people there. i want to take this as serious as i once did.
picture trail
i befriended justin... he seems to be a guy with dreams too. i love people with dreams and great expectations of themselves, with the willingness to better themselves so severely that it is what burns inside of them, im all about the sweat you produce due to all the exercise you do because of whatever it is you want to achieve. i love people who want to to the best they possibly can in this world and put the highest of expectations possible.
i was told that i know alot more than i credit myself for, that yeah i am pretty fucking smart... so god damn charming. and i hate having all this go to my head, and i hate the way i express myself to ana. i probably seem so heartless. but i just dont want to be too intimate with her. i was warned about her from the start i suppose. i go crazy when i think of her... and i dont think i should be going crazy just yet. i want to calm down.
i want her to see how great i am, and how hard i can be. i dotn want to be double crossed by her, i dont want her to think that i could be a fling... i want her to be how serious i am about whatever it is im serious about... dont feel like going into detail about that.. i want her to sort of be afraid of the limits i dont have. i want to pressure her to thinking that i am the one at the better end of the spectrum. i want her to think that im giving her the chance, rather than her giving me the chance. i want to the be the one that holds the strings because im so fucking scared of her. this is exactly what i read too. i tend to put up a grandiose appearance due to fear... all sorts of fear. i dont want to seem like im not worth it, i want to be noticed, and just fucking loved so intensely and truly appreciated because i am the person who is so willing to do whatever if i fucking love you. i just dont want to be walked on.
ana is so fucking pretty, and so smart... and given the chance she could accel herself to just about anything. i have more confidence in her than i do in myself, e ven knowing that i can be a salar manager in like 3-4 years. i cant fucking believe the amount of attention i dedicate to her. its all got to be so obvious. i am the most obvious person in the world, im sure she has that understanding. she believes in me too though. she tells people. yeah jose is so nice, and smart... very funny. and such a gentleman... and hes going to be rich. he's a hard worker. jose is so mature, especially for his age. yeah hes got so much going for him, hes 19 and going into headwait... wow jose, you deserve it, im wondering why you havnt been put into that section before hand.. she gives me so much credit. and i feel so appreciated when she looks at me... and when she walks with me, and tells me to walk with her, and every time we fucking talk... i hate saying all this, but saying all this is the best i can do for myself instead of having it repeated over and over in my fucking head, thats what i tend to do with things. when i write them out, i forget about them for a while. i hate being so nurotic. damn.
i plan ahead so often, and i want to do so much. i am buying the lap top with a crazy condition. i am going to tell ana all about it and be like yeah any time you have to do anykind of homework just let me know, you can borrow this any time... blah blah blah... and ill probably get her the memebership soon too. and once all of that is taken care of, i can save up for my car. a volkswagon jetta :). i hate being at peoples disposal, but that makes me feel like im needed, and like im apart of someone, and i like feeling the love it allows me to feel. i love caring for other people more than myself i really do. and the girl i marry will be so goddamn lucky.
if i were to say any of this to ana, she may be thrilled, or maybe scared? or maybe confused... i dont know what she wants with me, shes so good at playing these kind of games, and im new.. just like i am to drinking...
i went to katy and christines last night and had a fun time playing the dumbest game. i enjoy drinking, it gives you such a great feeling, its awesome. and i dont drink and drive. and people like me so they dont mind if i crash at their house, on the sofa... or anywhere else. i stayed up til 4 last night, and woke up at like 8 to go home... huntsvilles is such a long ways away. drunk night number 3. ahaha... i keep track of this kind of stuff, lame. 0 hangovers, because i just do it enough to get the buzz, ahaha.
work at 330, section j. i hope ana isnt working. and i just noticed that the pic i took of my pink shirt didnt come out, fucking flash. i bought 2 more disposable cameras though, and ill take some more pics and develop them soon. i love taking pics of all my current obsessions and favorite details throughout the day... i love it.
i can thank the diet green tea for allowing me to feel so good right now. and the employee meeting was fun, i love those kind of things... i love being professional and feeling apart of a whole, and head wait seems so easy, i think ill do well... and it gives me such a boost too. i am a much more important person at outback because of this. and sooner or later ill be even more important. i swear that i can get so far soo soon, i am confident that i can be a much better manager than some people there. i want to take this as serious as i once did.