(no subject)
so today. blahhhh. it sucked pretty bad. school was alright i guess. ILC- kinda boring. but alright. parenting decisions was okay. nothin too special. chem was fucking boring. silak just lectured a bunch of shit to us. i think i fell asleep. lunch was good. band was hot...and band-like. after school me and kim went to mothers to get pizza, stopped by her house, and got gas for my car. then we went back to school for drum sectionals. that was pointless. we taught the freshmen cadences..and that was about it.
after that i went to chilis for dinner with my mom, dad, grandpa, and his wife. that was interesting to say the least. i hate being the only "kid" there. i miss my brother. he moved into his appartment with 2 girls today back at college. i always feel like no one gives a shit what i say when im with all adults. yeah im a teenager..but i do know about certain stuff. whatever.
i know i've said this before. but it just kills me inside seeing my grandpa holding hands with jackie ( his wife). i know they've been married for a year or whatever..but it was just 4 years ago that my grandma died. 4 years isnt that long of a time if you think about it. as much as she said she wanted him to be happy and get married again if she died before him, i know its not what she really wanted. i mean think about it...what if you died, went to heaven, and then watched your husband being with this other woman... i dont know. it makes me sick inside. i saw her wedding ring for the first time tonight. it was this gorgeous diamond ring that was exactly the ring that my grandpa got for my grandma. it made me want to scream. why the fuck would you give someone a ring exactly like your wife of 45 years?? has he completely forgotten about her??
he never goes to the mosoleum to see her anymore. he says he cant. he has a new wife now. i must have sat up in my room bawling tonight for at least an hour. i cant take this. i know i'm supposed to accept this woman who my grandpa married...and like the wedding vows say... till death do us part. but i believe marriage is eternal...not just until death. maybe he doesnt agree with that...but i dont think its right. but i guess its not my life to live. shes a great woman and all. but i cant ever accept her as a grandmotherly figure. shes just my grandpa's wife. no one can, or will ever replace my grandma.
most of you probably dont know how i feel...seeing as maybe you havent ever lost a grandparent, or have never had your grandparent remarry. but if you have...its certainly a very very awkward/weird feeling...and maybe you can understand where i'm coming from.
my eyes hurt. and are bloodshot from crying.
this sucks.
after that i went to chilis for dinner with my mom, dad, grandpa, and his wife. that was interesting to say the least. i hate being the only "kid" there. i miss my brother. he moved into his appartment with 2 girls today back at college. i always feel like no one gives a shit what i say when im with all adults. yeah im a teenager..but i do know about certain stuff. whatever.
i know i've said this before. but it just kills me inside seeing my grandpa holding hands with jackie ( his wife). i know they've been married for a year or whatever..but it was just 4 years ago that my grandma died. 4 years isnt that long of a time if you think about it. as much as she said she wanted him to be happy and get married again if she died before him, i know its not what she really wanted. i mean think about it...what if you died, went to heaven, and then watched your husband being with this other woman... i dont know. it makes me sick inside. i saw her wedding ring for the first time tonight. it was this gorgeous diamond ring that was exactly the ring that my grandpa got for my grandma. it made me want to scream. why the fuck would you give someone a ring exactly like your wife of 45 years?? has he completely forgotten about her??
he never goes to the mosoleum to see her anymore. he says he cant. he has a new wife now. i must have sat up in my room bawling tonight for at least an hour. i cant take this. i know i'm supposed to accept this woman who my grandpa married...and like the wedding vows say... till death do us part. but i believe marriage is eternal...not just until death. maybe he doesnt agree with that...but i dont think its right. but i guess its not my life to live. shes a great woman and all. but i cant ever accept her as a grandmotherly figure. shes just my grandpa's wife. no one can, or will ever replace my grandma.
most of you probably dont know how i feel...seeing as maybe you havent ever lost a grandparent, or have never had your grandparent remarry. but if you have...its certainly a very very awkward/weird feeling...and maybe you can understand where i'm coming from.
my eyes hurt. and are bloodshot from crying.
this sucks.