L&O: SVU fic: Blank 3

[jezyk]

part 3...


Chapter Eleven

Olivia watched, frightened of the animalistic way Elliot had launched himself at the man, at the angry sound of his voice. She didn’t know what to do or how to intercede. She could only watch as Fin and Lake struggled with the man while Cragen shot out of his office to pull Elliot away. Even while their boss was yanking him away, Elliot continued to struggle, his strength split between trying to free himself of the lock while he continued to pound Marks. His fists and arms were flying, coming into painful contact with far more than the one man he was aiming for.

Cragen was a much smaller man than Elliot and so the best he could do was keep Elliot somewhat away while Fin and Lake took Marks into one of the interrogation rooms. Olivia was stunned to see Elliot’s face, eyes burning with hate and aggression, after Marks was gone. He snapped his arms forward suddenly, wrenching himself out of Cragen’s loosened hold, and for one long, tense moment of silence, Olivia was certain Elliot was about to charge right into the other room and go after the man again.

Cragen stepped in front of Elliot, his displeasure with the younger man’s actions written clearly across his face. “Sit your ass in the chair and don’t you dare think about it, Stabler.” His voice was so loud, so hard, so commanding, that Olivia’s eyes widened further when Elliot didn’t obey.

The veins were sticking out in Elliot’s neck and forehead, giving him a crazed, slightly possessed look to him. He didn’t actually appear to hear a word of Cragen’s demand as his eyes focused on the door that had closed behind the three other men.

Finally, probably due to a waning adrenaline rush, Elliot slumped into his chair. His eyes didn’t meet Olivia’s and for the moment, she was thankful. She’d seen his temper a few too many times. She’d made a silent promise to forget the events of the previous night, but Elliot’s repeated explosions were making that difficult. Still, she didn’t want him to see the lingering effects of her fear, her shaking hands, her trembling jaw. She couldn’t imagine dealing with Elliot on a regular basis, watching his temper spark out of control all the time. It was a real concern, one that she would have to resolve if she was going to continue living her life. She couldn’t be in constant fear that Elliot was going to hurt someone, even if she knew he would never hurt her.

Cragen’s chest was heaving and his fingers were pressed to the corner of his mouth. When he moved them a moment later, Olivia saw a trickle of blood.

She looked away, knowing deep down that Elliot drawing his boss’s blood was not something he could get away with. She didn’t want to see him get in trouble. She didn’t want to see him lose his job. God only knew who he’d attack then.

Before Cragen could say a word, Fin and Lake reappeared without Marks.

Fin shrugged at Olivia, ducking into his seat in what she thought was an attempt to avoid any fireworks directed at him. It left Lake with the unhappy job of informing Cragen that Marks wanted a lawyer and that he was threatening to sue for police brutality.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” All eyes turned on Elliot as he continued. “That’s a fucking joke.”

Cragen glared at him. “Until your little stunt, we had him nailed. We would have put him away easy. Now the DA’ll let him walk before he looks like a fool prosecuting someone who’ll swear the cops beat him up.”

Elliot was out of his chair in a flash. “Give me a minute with him. He’ll plead guilty. He’ll beg to be in prison.”

Cragen stepped in front of him. “Sit down.”

Elliot’s eyes narrowed and he glared right back, every bit as pissed off. “He’s not walking away.”

Cragen didn’t budge. “Sit down, Elliot. I’m not even going to try to fix this mess you made until I know you’re not going to make another one.”

It looked as though Elliot tried to listen. But his temper flared again and he wasn’t any better at controlling it than any of the other times Olivia had witnessed. He got right in Cragen’s face and started yelling. “After what that son of a bitch did? You’re fucking joking! They should put a damn needle in his arm.”

Olivia wondered exactly what Marks had done to get Elliot so riled up. She looked around and saw everyone was listening, watching, but still pretending to work. She turned back to see Cragen pointing at the hall.

“Get the hell out of here.” Folding his arms across his chest, he shook his head to forestall any argument. “Go home, Elliot. Two days suspension.”

Elliot stared him down and Olivia feared Cragen was about to get a black eye to go with the fat lip. Eventually Elliot nodded, although it was hardly in agreement. “You’re suspending me? That bastard attacked Olivia and you’re suspending me!”

The blood ran cold in Olivia’s veins as she realized the whole scene had been about her. The rage, the anger, the loss of control, had all been because the man had hurt her. She didn’t know how she felt about the man herself, how she felt about being attacked, if it was even the attack she knew about, the one that had rendered her in her current state.

Cragen’s voice was laced with anger. “After that stunt, you’re lucky it’s only a suspension. Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind.”

Elliot wanted to fight, Olivia was sure the fury had hardly burned off, but he seemed to belatedly realize no one was going to let him kill Marks. “Fuck. Whatever.” He threw his hands up in the air and stormed down the hall.

Olivia didn’t have the faintest clue what to do. She sat at her desk, watching Cragen as he addressed Fin and Lake. He was counseling them against letting their tempers get the better of them, promising them that he’d happily suspend the whole department and bump the case to another precinct if they didn’t feel they could be objective. Butt-kisser Lake reappeared and nodded eagerly, informing the captain that he’d have no problem focusing on Marks’ earlier crimes. Fin wasn’t nearly so eager, his eyes darting to Elliot’s empty desk and to Olivia’s face, before he cracked his knuckles and said he’d see what he could do. It made Olivia smile to see that Fin was apparently so loyal to Elliot and herself.

Shaking his head, Cragen turned to square off with Fin. “I don’t need him filing complaints against a second detective. I can explain one hothead, the partner of Marks’ attack victim. I can’t explain away a squad of vigilantes. Are we clear?”

Fin shrugged. “Sure, cap. How do you feel about random street violence when it happens unexpectedly to criminals?”

Cragen shook his head, a small smile forming. “Just what I need. A third Musketeer.”

Olivia giggled, calling Fin’s attention back to her. Lake was heading back to the interrogation room, but Fin squatted down beside her to speak without Cragen overhearing. “Don’t worry, Liv, I got your back.”

She nodded, unsure as to the correct response.

“Lock up can be a dangerous place, you know.” He winked before he walked away, cluing Olivia in on the fact that she was missing something. But he was back in the interrogation room with Lake and Marks before she had the chance to say anything.

“I know I just told you to get the hell out of here. I’m not kidding, Elliot. You just assaulted a man in custody in a room full of witnesses. If you don’t hear from IAB, you’ll be lucky.” Cragen’s voice was still angry, but there was a hint of exasperation as well. As though Elliot’s reaction hadn’t been a bit out of the ordinary.

Olivia looked up to see her partner, his head down, mutely nodding as he accepted the correction. When Cragen’s voice fell silent, Elliot peeked up and motioned at her. “I should probably take her with me.”

Cragen looked at her, confused for a moment. “She’s not suspended.”

“She’s not a lot of good to you either.” Elliot was only referring to her memory loss, but Olivia frowned at him anyway. “Unless you want to take over watching her.”

Cragen was still facing her, and she saw a warm, good-natured smile cross his face for a moment before he replaced it with a stern frown and looked back at Elliot. “No, by all means, she’s all yours.” He disappeared back into his office.

Thoroughly confused, Olivia looked at Elliot and shrugged. “I wasn’t sure you were coming back for me.” She stood up and joined him on the other side of his desk.

A hint of red colored his cheeks as he looked at her. “I only forgot you for a minute. Besides,” he placed his hand at the small of her back as they started walking, pausing for a second to grin at her. “You usually chase after me when I storm out after I get suspended for flying off the handle.”

She wasn’t sure it should seem so funny, but it was, considering that he’d lost it over her injury. “A cool headed guy like you? You’d never lose your temper.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, imagine that.”

“Thank you.” She figured it was something he deserved to hear after what he’d done. Misguided or not, it had been a show of feelings for her and it had been public and, surprisingly, not exactly unexpected by their coworkers.

Elliot’s startled eyes found hers, furrowing together as his mouth dropped open. After a moment of silence, he shook his head. “You don’t normally thank me for that sort of thing.”

“Is it something you normally do?” She wasn’t sure why she wouldn’t thank him for standing up for her, it seemed like a perfectly sweet thing to her.

“Maybe once or twice.” He shrugged, stepping into the elevator and pushing the button for the ground floor repeatedly, letting her know that it had happened far more often than he felt comfortable discussing. “But you never like it.”

“Why not?” Anything that displayed his attachment to her seemed like a good thing.

“Because you always somehow think I mean to imply that you can’t do your job or defend yourself.”

Curious she mulled it over in her head, realizing that it made sense if she was the sort of headstrong woman she’d have to be to face her job every day. “But that’s not what you mean by it, right?”

He blushed deeper, red staining all the way down his neck and disappearing under his collar. “I just like defending your honor.”

Giggling, she leaned her head against his shoulder. “Right, like I’m sure Lake and Fin do for each other all the time.”

He turned to face her, his eyes daring to glance at her lips even as the elevator doors opened. He wanted to kiss her. He didn’t have to say a word; his face told her. Finally he smiled, his hand at her back again, guiding her forward. “Casey was right about you. You’re certainly a trouble maker.”

Taking the opportunity she bet Liv rarely did, she stopped for a moment and let her eyes feast on him, slowly taking in his appearance from head to toe and back up. “She was right about you too.”

Chapter Twelve

Elliot was quiet through the long walk back to her apartment. Olivia didn’t say anything, just let him think. She was preoccupied with trying to ascertain what in particular had caused his silence. There were several possibilities - her injury, his marriage, his suspension. Not only did she think the time to ruminate on everything would do him good, but she also enjoyed the unspoken companionship. She found a comfort in simply walking at his side, in discovering the length of their strides and the pace of their steps were exactly the same, in realizing that she somehow innately knew precisely where he was even if she wasn’t looking at him, in noticing she could feel his presence beside her as well as if he’d been holding her hand.

As her friend, he’d had a rough two days. And when she thought about it, none of it would have happened to him had it not been for her. He was in need of cheering up, she decided, and she was the one to do it. But not knowing him that well, she really was at a loss as to what would make him happy.

As she walked into her apartment, nearly tripping over the garment bag he’d tossed there earlier, an idea occurred to her. She turned to him, indicating the bag, and smiled.

His face fell and he stepped forward to move it, thinking she was upset about it. “Sorry, I wasn’t sure where to put it.”

Shaking her head, she continued to smile, partly because it appeared to unnerve him, mostly because looking at him just made her happy. “Put it anywhere.”

His eyes were narrowed, but he did as told, unfolding the bag and hanging it in the hall closet. When he looked back, she was still grinning. “Ok, what?”

She giggled. She didn’t know him well at all, but there was one thing she knew he liked - her. And she was thinking that she could give him that wrapped in the slinky black dress she’d found in her closet. Whether he chose to unwrap his gift or simply enjoy staring at it, well, now that part was up to him.

“Tell me there’s a nice suit in that bag.” Not that there was anything wrong with the blazer and tie he was wearing, but she suspected that he’d look spectacular in a fancy suit.

He looked even more suspicious and his eyes darted toward the closet where he’d just left his bag. “Yeah, in case I have to appear in court.”

Her grin grew wider if that was possible. “Good.”

“Why is that good?” He looked down, clearly checking to make sure his fly was zipped. “What the hell are you smiling about?”

“Because we’re going out to dinner.” Knowing she had his full attention, she winked at him. “Someplace nice.”

“When we eat together, it’s usually off a hot dog cart.” He managed to look even more confused. “Someplace nice for us is a diner with vinyl booths.”

“Not tonight.” She went into the kitchen where she remembered seeing a phone book the night before. Then she took it and the phone back into the living room. “Make us reservations.”

He looked at the phone book. “No diners?”

“I said someplace nice. I think that inherently means no diners.”

“Um, is this, you know, um, well, a, uh, you know?“

She smiled at him. “No, actually I don’t have a clue. Try speaking in sentences.” She did know, knew he was trying to figure out if it was a date, but she wanted to make him decide. He was the one whose marriage wasn’t looking so hot. She was the one who was probably only going to be around temporarily.

He looked at her seriously for a moment, his eyes almost boring through hers. “Never mind. Someplace nice. I can do that.” He sat down on the couch and started flipping through the phone book.

She left him to work on the arrangements while she started getting ready. It was early afternoon and the reservations were likely to be several hours away, but Olivia figured she might as well take the time to fix herself up nicely. She retrieved the dress and hung it over the top of the closet door. After yanking all of Liv’s shoe assortment out of the closet for a better inspection, Olivia was torn. There was a nice pair of black patent leather pumps with a modest heel she could walk in, which appealed to her since Elliot had given his car to his children, and she had to admit that the little peep-toe in the front was the best excuse for red nail polish she was sure had ever existed. But there was another pair that spoke to her. It was a perfectly ridiculous pair of strappy black sandals, boasting a rhinestone buckle on the side of the ankle, that she really, really liked. She especially liked how the height would boost her up to being nearly as tall as Elliot.

Deciding on the second pair, she set them on the floor beside the closet while she kicked all the other ones back into the closet. Maybe Liv liked having her shoes lined up in some pathetic obsessive-compulsive array, but Olivia didn’t have any desire whatsoever to deal with it. She moved onto the jewelry box next, carefully choosing a pair of diamond studs. She toyed with the idea of a necklace, but decided to pass. The neckline of the dress was simple and the low cut back was dramatic. She feared it would be an overload, considering the rhinestone straps of her shoes counted as jewelry in her book.

Besides, she thought with a smile, Elliot was liable to enjoy the vast expanse of skin on display better without anything to distract him.

She dug through the dresser drawers next. With the length, or lack thereof, of her dress, hose were necessary. Apparently Liv owned the dresses, but generally didn’t wear them, because she was nearly through the lingerie drawers and had not come up with anything resembling hose or stockings. It was a disappointing thought since she couldn’t possibly go in any of the dresses with bare legs. Naturally tan skin or not, it wasn’t summer and she’d just look cheap.

Luckily, just as she was reaching into the back corner, her hand fell on fabric.

Jackpot.

The soft ball she’d found turned out, when she carefully unspooled it, to be a pair of black stockings. The top several inches were lace and Olivia giggled to herself. She was slightly disappointed to feel the sticky rubber liner around the top, saddened to know there wouldn’t be a garter belt involved. Of course, she accepted that it was just as well because, should Elliot get to see the stockings, she was pretty sure he’d be floored enough.

The poor man might have a stroke if he saw her in a garter belt too.

Giggling happily to herself, she selected a lacy black thong. She replaced the items she’d thrown about in her search for the stockings, lingering on the bra that matched the thong. It was too bad she wouldn’t get to wear it as well because she suspected it was just the sort of visual Elliot might like, to see his tough, strong partner all dolled up in matching black lace and thigh-highs. But the cut of the dress left no room for that sort of modesty, so the bra went back in the drawer.

Heading into the bathroom to start the water for her shower, she figured that Elliot would be just as pleased to find that she wasn’t wearing a bra at all.

She took her time in the shower, deciding she didn’t mind the lavender scent of Liv’s soap after all. It was soothing and Elliot was probably used to it, probably associated it with her in his head. It seemed a perfectly good reason to give it a chance. She used the new razor she’d found in the medicine cabinet to shave her legs, taking a moment when she was finished to rub her hand over the soft, smooth skin and hope that Elliot would do the same later. Then she stood there, basking in the steaming hot water, feeling the heat seep into her tight muscles and drawing out some of the tension.

When she finally stepped out, the bathroom was so steamy it felt like a sauna. She wrapped herself up in a thick fluffly towel and twisted another around her head. It wouldn’t take long for her hair to dry, but it would keep it out of her face until it did. Just as she was reaching for the door to her bedroom, there was a soft knock on the other door.

She opened it with a wide grin, feeling a rush of cold air greet her. “Thinking of joining me?”

His eyes dropped sharply, taking in the sight of her barely covered by her towel. It seemed like forever as his eyes moved down, staring at her feet for a long time, then her legs, which she’d crossed at the ankle, then slowly up the long column of leg the towel didn’t cover. His throat worked hard to swallow when his eyes stalled on their trip back up, moving across her shoulders and collarbone rather than up to her face. They even moved down over her bare arms for a period before his burning eyes finally found hers.

She was still grinning, pleased that he hadn’t even managed to fake a response. “No, I guess you’re not thinking much of anything right now, huh?”

Well, he was thinking, she reasoned, but it wasn’t with his brain, nor was it with a part of his anatomy that was much for speech.

His mouth fell open, processing very belatedly that she was talking.

She reached out, placing her index finger under his chin, and gently pushed his mouth shut. “You trying to catch flies?”

Her intention had been to tease and flirt and offer anything he wanted to take that evening. But she hadn’t quite expected to start so early. She decided to give him a break, aiming for mercy when she stepped into her bedroom and motioned for him to follow.

When he still failed to say anything, she cocked her eyebrow. “Was there something you wanted?” She hadn’t even meant for it to come out that way, but she saw the way his eyes widened a bit at what he assumed was a blatant come on.

Perhaps even more unsettling to what Olivia realized was a precarious balance in their relationship was his response. Rather than words, his eyes dropped again, so heavy with desire that she could practically feel them touching her, his stare raking over her body as though he intended to leave a mark. His gaze met hers again and only then did his mouth curve up into a smile. He didn’t say a word out loud, but she heard him all the same. There was definitely something he wanted, something he wanted so badly he might actually take it, something he was thrilled he was being offered.

His mouth fell open again, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, his eyes never leaving hers.

The answering rush of moisture between her legs made her wonder if she shouldn’t take another shower.

He stayed still, just staring at her, no longer even looking over her exposed body. His eyes were fixed on hers, emotion and passion and longing reflecting at her. Something about the way he was staring told her that he knew she was turned on, that he could smell her physical reaction to him, that he knew she was wet enough already that he could slide his dick into her right then without a bit of resistance from her body and fuck her hard.

She shuddered, unprepared for the feelings, for the idea that she wanted him to throw her on the bed and pound into her, not expecting that her body remembered Liv’s unadulterated desire for the man Olivia couldn’t honestly say was more than a stranger. Her body knew him, her body wanted him, her body was making decisions for her.

Which was just as well because her brain didn’t know what the fuck it was doing.

Chapter Thirteen

Suddenly chilled and shaking, Olivia sat down heavily on the bed. Some innate modesty held her knees together as her hands clutched the top of the towel around her chest. She’d convinced herself she was ready to pursue something with the man based on an emotional attachment she felt despite not being able to remember it.

But, she realized in a moment of sobering clarity, she simply wasn’t emotionally prepared for the strength of her reaction to him, for the rebellion of her body, for the fact that whatever the nature of the relationship she’d stepped into, it wasn’t one she understood, nor could she hope to. It was a bond, a tie, a silver chain, that was incomprehensible to most people, probably even to them. It defied conventional vocabulary. It defied description. The only word that even came close wasn’t one most people used to define their closest friendship.

Scary.

That was the best she could do.

Scary that she could remember wanting him so badly when she couldn’t remember her own name.

Sensing the change in her, she saw him instantly follow suit. The heated stare, the leering smile, the intensity radiating from his body, it all vanished so quickly that she wasn’t sure it had ever been there. He squatted down in front of her, his eyes reflecting worry and concern as one hand touched her knee.

“Are you all right?” His voice was normal, not thick or deep as she would have expected a moment earlier.

It was even more frightening to see how completely his body, his emotions, his thoughts, read and imitated hers. Shock and fear had chased the sexual desire right out of her and chased it out of him as well, amazing since it wasn’t even his own shock and fear.

She shook her head and then nodded, adding a shrug to the mix to thoroughly confuse him. “I don’t know. I guess.”

He smiled, finding humor when her answer soothed his fear of imminent peril. “Decisive, aren’t you?” He stood up, removing the warmth of his hand from her knee, and sat down beside her, leaving ample space between them. “I came back to tell you that we have reservations at Georgio’s at seven.”

She nodded, taking a deep breath to calm herself. The ease between them was there, as though there had never been any tension at all. But when her eyes skirted sideways to find his, her heart started to pound in time with the fluttering in her stomach. Reaching out, she set her hand on top of his. “This, this thing,” she motioned between them with her other hand. “It’s kind of nerve-wracking sometimes.” She didn’t look at him when she said it and she felt too exposed to look at him afterwards.

His silence worried her, but his hand slowly turned over under hers, linking their fingers together. When she finally glanced back at him, she saw a reassuring smile on his face, probably more for him than for her, because there was complete openness in his eyes. “It scares the hell out of me, Liv.”

She shuddered, realizing that he was telling her something he would never admit to Liv. It made her wonder what that meant. Did he see the change in her? Did he know how torn she was between wanting to be Liv and hating her at the same time? Did he trust her more than Liv? Or was it that he knew better than she what Liv’s reaction to such a revelation would be and had chosen never to say it?

She was pretty sure she’d never know what to make of it and that Liv wouldn’t necessarily appreciate it. She nodded slowly, deciding to accept his answer and his honesty and leave it at that. “So, seven?”

“Unless you changed your mind.” His eyes searched hers, looking for any sign of rejection.

“Not on your life.” The dress hanging on her closet door caught her attention and she grinned. “Besides, we have to eat, right?”

He nodded. “Yeah, we do have to eat.”

“And you might as well pay for it.”

Instead of the frown she expected, he grinned. “You sure you don’t have your memory back? Cause you sound an awful lot like my Liv.”

She laughed, glad that the tension was dissipating again. “Your Liv?’

His cheeks colored as he looked away. “I mean the regular Liv. The one I know.”

“Uh huh. Sure.” She smiled at his slip. “That’s the second time you said that.”

“Damn, I was hoping you’d forgotten.”

“Hit me with a two by four and I might.”

Smiling he stood up and nodded toward the bathroom. “Do you mind if I take a quick shower?”

She nodded with a wink. “Take all the time you need to take care of things.”

He closed his eyes to ward off the embarrassment while she laughed. She’d just given him permission to jerk off in her shower. Had she remembered her and him and them, she might have been mortified too for having suggested such a thing. As it was, she only grinned while he turned away, closing the door behind him.

Unable to do anything with her hair and makeup while the bathroom was occupied, she settled on applying her body lotion. True to his word, Elliot’s shower was fast. She heard him open the door leading out to the hall first. A moment later, he opened the door into her room.

“Bathroom’s free.”

She smiled at him, noticing that he was already half dressed and knowing it was to avoid anymore possible awkwardness between them. “Good, now I can make myself pretty.”

“Don’t waste your time.”

She didn’t have time to say a word; her face only had a chance to reveal her shock at his words before he was apologizing.

“That came out wrong.” He looked down at his hands as he shook his head. “I just meant that makeup isn’t going to help.”

She hurled one of her pillows at him, hitting him square in the head since he hadn’t looked up.

“That came out wrong too.”

Still only wearing her towel, Olivia stepped in front of him and carefully crossed her arms over her chest to hold her towel in place. Her position forced him to raise his head for fear of staring at her legs. He was wincing, expecting a sharp reprimand for his stupid words. She tried to look pissed off, but she kept smiling instead. “I should make you grovel.”

“As long as you don’t shoot me, I’ll take it as a win.”

“So I shouldn’t waste my time with makeup because it’s not going to help, huh?”

He swallowed hard. “You said you were going to make yourself pretty and I only meant that you don’t need to.” He shrugged as his eyes darted everywhere but towards her. “You’re beautiful, Liv.”

“You’re just trying to get into my pants.” She giggled until she saw his eyes darken the slightest bit.

“You’re not wearing pants.”

Leaning in and laying one hand on his bare chest, she quirked an eyebrow. “Makes it easier, doesn’t it?”

His eyes fell to her lips, his mouth opening as his tongue came out to moisten his lips unconsciously. When he finally pulled his eyes back up to hers, his pupils were dilated and his breath was coming in quick pants. “You’re going to be the death of me, woman.”

She loved having power over him, being so easily able to distract him, seeing him fully aware of her power and still letting her have it. Trailing a hand over his shoulder and arm, she let her head fall forward until her lips skimmed his chin. “Go get dressed before I decide I want dessert first.”

His head moved down as hers came up and he captured her lips in a kiss. A moment later, his arms were around her body, pulling her weight against him. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders, an automatic reaction to keep her balanced. His tongue was forcing its way between her lips, deepening the kiss before she had a chance to cooperate. He was eager, she could feel it in the instantaneous way his body responded, his length beginning to harden against her. Her body moved instinctively to spread her legs and allow one of his to press between them.

His mouth left hers, giving them a second to breathe before he moved on to kissing her jaw and neck. “How about we order in?”

Her laughter morphed into a moan as his tongue traced her clavicle. “Fine with me. Just remember not to ever make reservations at Georgio’s in the future.” Her arms pulled back so she could cup his face, pulling it back to hers. Then her tongue did the invading, marking his mouth as her territory.

But he pulled back. “Fuck.”

“I thought that was the plan.”

He smiled, kissing her forehead before he pushed her shoulders away. “I gave them my credit card, so we’re paying for dinner whether we go or not.”

Her hands caught the waistband of his pants, knowing she could distract him rather quickly. “So?”

His hands moved over hers, pulling them away from his body. “So, I’m probably about to get served with new divorce papers, Liv, therefore I’m not paying for a meal I’m not eating.”

She crossed her arms over her chest again, mulling over the idea that he’d admitted to the state of his marriage. It seemed like a big deal, but she wasn’t sure why. “Ok, fine. Tease.”

He grinned, looking over her body longingly. “Yeah, right. Are you the pot or the kettle?”

“We can still get dessert, right?” She leaned in again, managing to get her lips just against the corner of his before he turned away.

“We’ll talk about it later.”

Rolling her eyes, she stepped past him into the bathroom. “You’re still a tease.”

His eyes caught hers in the mirror, his smile forcing one from her as well. “So are you, sweetheart.”

She turned around, leaning on the counter and crossing her legs. The towel peeled back, revealing a long, tan leg that caught his attention exactly as she’d planned. “We’ll talk about that later too.”

Chapter Fourteen

He left her to get ready then, slinking off to the other room before she had the time to make another attempt. It was just as well with her. She wanted the chance to doll herself up. She wanted to see his reaction to her dress. Judging from how easily she was able to seduce him already, the poor man wouldn’t stand a chance in the face of stockings and that dress.

Her hair took more time than she’d anticipated since she had to straighten out the odd way it dried wrapped up in the towel. She didn’t have any personal experience with styling her hair to draw from, so it took quite a while with the blow dryer and curling iron before she got it to look right.

She stared at her makeup bag for a long time, trying to decide what to do with her face. She definitely wanted to do herself up, but remembering the way his mouth was all too happy to taste the skin all over her face and neck, she didn’t want to put on makeup that might dissuade him from doing it again. Eventually, she opted for powder rather than the thick liquid makeup. She figured there was a chance the powder would wear off before he had the opportunity to taste it. The smile that formed at the thought stayed in place while she continued with her face. Olivia wasn’t sure which of the seemingly endless colors she usually wore on her eyes, but she chose a shimmering silver one that she thought would look fancy. Eyeliner was a bit messy, involving three tries and two washcloths to get right. When she applied her mascara, she decided she looked pretty damn good. Mindful of both Elliot’s taste buds and the burning heat that tended to accompany Elliot’s taste buds in close proximity to her cheeks, she decided blush was unnecessary. She picked a pale rose colored lipstick to finish herself off.

She stepped back from the mirror and admired her handiwork. Olivia thought she looked pretty good and she hoped Elliot would think so too. Of course, he’d said she was beautiful, so she changed her mind and decided to hope Elliot would admit to thinking she looked good. There was something about the almost bashful way he’d offered the compliment both times that told her it wasn’t something he did often. With the trauma Liv dealt with on a regular basis, Olivia figured they both deserved to hear that a man thought she was attractive. Especially that man.

Taking the tube of lipstick with her, she returned to the bedroom. She hadn’t thought about a bag, hadn’t seen any evidence that she ever carried one, but she suspected that as a female, she probably owned at least one. Peering into the closet, she spied some hooks along the back wall. She reached blindly into the dark recesses, grabbing at the first thing she touched. Her hand came out attached to the handles of three bags - a backpack, a brown leather purse, and a small black clutch with a thin silver chain.

It was perfect. She threw the other bags on the floor and shut the door before anything could escape. Olivia hoped she wouldn’t be too irritated with herself if she got her memory back and then found her closet laid to waste. The lipstick looked lonely in the bag and Olivia wondered what she might normally keep in there. Probably her badge and gun, she thought, except that Elliot had confiscated both items from her the previous day and she’d seen them lying on Cragen’s desk that afternoon. With a laugh, she contemplated putting one of the condoms in there, but she fully intended to have the luxury of a bed while Elliot was exploring the curves of her body. Idly wondering where her drivers license was, she thought that a credit card might come in handy too, if she only knew where she might keep such a thing. But then, she’d only need the credit card if Elliot abandoned her and she didn’t honestly see that happening. She stuffed some tissues next to the lipstick instead.

Olivia glanced at the clock and realized it was time to get dressed. She’d already burned most of the time and she didn’t have any more to spare. Ducking back into the bathroom, she hung her towel over the rack. As she pulled on her thong, she saw her earrings lying on the dresser and put them in next. She didn’t want to forget them because she really liked the way they sparkled just beneath her short hair. Then it was time for her stockings. She sat down on the bed, sliding them on one at a time. Her mind unconsciously imagined his hands in place of hers, slowly moving along the length of her legs. Of course, she giggled, his hands would be removing the thin fabric and, hopefully, his hands would be removing the thin fabric right after dinner. Just as she tugged the second one into place around her thigh, there was a knock at the door.

“Liv?”

Wearing only a thong and stockings, she feared she’d give him a heart attack. “Just a minute.” She was still tempted.

“I just wanted to let you know we should be leaving in a few minutes.” His voice turned playful and she could practically see the smile on his face. “I wouldn’t have expected you to take so long to make yourself pretty considering how there’s no point.” The moment he finished speaking, she heard him mutter a curse. Open mouth, insert foot. The directions had to be tattooed on the back of his hand or something.

“Don’t make me come out there and smack you.”

His voice was muffled when he answered and she knew it was because his head was hanging. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

She giggled. “I’m almost ready.”

“I’ll be here.”

Olivia stayed where she was next to the bed until she heard his steps fade down the hall. As much fun as it would have been to open the door dressed as she was, she saw no point in wasting her time with makeup and hair if they weren’t going to make it out of the apartment. But as she slipped the dress over her head, she realized there was a very real possibility they weren’t going anywhere. The dress left very little of her figure to the imagination and she was willing to bet Liv had never faced Elliot without a bra. With a grin at the mirror, she saw there was just enough give in the body of the dress that he might have no choice but to notice her lack of undergarments.

The buckles on her shoes were the last bit to complete and she hooked them in a flash. She grabbed her purse and headed to the living room, giddy at the idea of watching while Elliot looked at her.

But her enjoyment was somewhat short lived because his eyes locked on hers the moment he came into sight and barely ventured below her neck. A hint of a smile played on his lips, but he wasn’t giving her the reaction she wanted. Hell, he wasn’t giving her anything.

Not about to have him not notice, she decided to play hardball. She pulled open the closet door beside her. “I should probably find a jacket. I might get chilly.” She turned her back to him, intent on revealing her exposed skin.

“Then you should have worn a whole dress.” His voice came from right beside her, causing her to jump in surprise.

Her lips started to smile before she even consciously realized how close he was. Her eyes darted to his lips and she started to wonder again if they were going to make it to dinner. “And here I thought you hadn’t even noticed my dress.”

“Or lack thereof.” He rolled his eyes at her, reaching over her shoulder.

Her chin tilted up automatically, although with the additional height her heels provided she needn’t have moved much. She expected his mouth to seek hers. She expected his arms would move around her. She expected to feel his body pressing her back against the open door.

She wasn’t expecting him to thrust a thick black something in her face. It took her a moment to recover, a moment she belatedly noticed he was enjoying at her expense. As she unwound what turned out to be a wrap, her face burned and she thanked her lucky stars she hadn’t bothered with blush. If she had, she’d have looked like a clown. “Thanks.” She went to throw the wrap over her shoulders, but his hands stilled hers.

He slid the wrap over her, allowing his fingertips to gloss over her skin in the process. “Of course I noticed your dress. I always notice when you wear that dress.”

“Have we gone out before?” She was about to give up on understanding them, since he was indicating having seen one of her three dresses, which she hadn’t expected. But it would go a long way to explaining how he knew where in her closet to find the only accessory that might look normal with her dress.

He grinned and shook his head, pulling on his blazer as he moved away. “I’ve seen you in it before, but I never got to enjoy it.”

Without even trying, she could easily picture getting ready for a date in the locker room at work. It was disconcerting, to know that she might expect to spend so much time there that she’d have to prepare for a special night in front of her coworkers, but she didn’t know what to think of it. With Elliot’s place in her life, Olivia wasn’t sure why she’d bother. Was Liv looking for his twin brother or was she just blind?

But as his words seeped into her brain, she started to smile. “Enjoying it, are you?”

“Oh, yeah.” He nodded smugly and his hand moved to the small of her back, as it had several times previously, except that he managed to position it between the wrap and her back, allowing his warm palm to press against her bare skin.

A shudder ran through her, rocking her entire body. It truly seemed accidental; his flirting until that point had been much more pronounced. And her reactions to him, despite being painfully obvious and unnerving, had somehow been less intense. It took her a long time to even remember to let out the breath that had lodged in her lungs the moment his skin connected with hers. She shook her head, trying to understand why such a chaste touch would seem so terribly intimate when his tongue had been in her mouth a few minutes earlier without quite making her swoon. Turned on, definitely; lightheaded, no.

As she had come to expect, Elliot noticed immediately. He moved around in front of her, his hand sliding to her cloth-covered side in the process. “Liv, are you ok?”

She sought the comfort, the warmth, the nexus she always found his eyes. The same blue eyes, the same determined face, the same hint of concern she knew better than her own reflection. It centered her. He centered her. “Yeah, I’m ok. You ready to go?”

His eyes held hers for a long time, darting back and forth between her own as he tried to assess her truthfulness. After a pause, he nodded. “Yeah. If we catch a cab, we won’t even be late.”

Trying to slow her racing heart, she smiled at him. “I wasn’t planning on walking far in these shoes.”

It seemed like slow motion as his eyes moved down her body, taking forever to reach her rhinestone decorated ankles. He shook his head, a rueful smile forming. “Fuck, I don’t know how you even stand up in those things.”

She shrugged, unwilling to admit that she wasn’t really sure herself considering that she felt kind of wobbly on carpet. Her hands braced on his lapels, her eyes even with his. “You’re not taller than me anymore.”

He took a moment to observe that she was telling the truth and then shrugged. “Like I’ve ever used my height against you.”

She imagined he was talking about being stronger or faster, but he’d walked into it and she wasn’t about to let him go. Leaning harder against him, she felt his other hand move to her side to support her. Her face brushed along his neck, the familiar scent of his cologne tickling her senses, and sending her blood rushing between her legs. Hoping to get the same sort of reaction from him, she purred against his ear. “I’m really hoping you will.”

His head moved back until he could look at her. His eyes were dark and hooded. She could feel his heart pounding quickly under her hand. He drew in a sharp breath as his eyes danced all over her face. And then one of his hands released her, his index finger coming to rest against her lips. “I keep forgetting you have amnesia.” And then he was an arm’s length away without even seeming to move. “Until you say something like that.”

Too forward. All that flirting earlier and he hadn’t been bothered. They’d kissed earlier too, and even that had been ok. But somehow her voicing that she wanted something to happen was going too far. Shaking her head to will away the sudden hurt, she opened the front door. “We should go.”

They stayed in step all the way to the corner where he hailed their cab, but she noticed all too painfully that he stayed out of contact the whole time.

Chapter Fifteen

The quiet between them was a little more stilted and much less comfortable than it had been earlier in the day. Elliot’s attention was turned out the window, staring at the buildings as they blurred past the cab. Olivia wasn’t sure what to do with herself. Her fingers tucked around the hem of her dress to tug it lower on her legs. She was afraid the lace tops of the stockings would show and she knew that would be the last straw. He was trying to get away from her, backing off from her attempts. She didn’t want to reveal that she’d chosen to wear stockings, didn’t feel like explaining she couldn’t find anything else.

Unfortunately, tugging on the hem pulled the neckline down further resulting in far too much cleavage for someone who wasn’t being received well. She yanked it back into place, wishing she had her t-shirt and jeans on. Better yet, a turtleneck and a baggy sweater sounded particularly comforting.

Her hands went back to the hem, still trying to adjust it without showing too much skin on top. It was a frustrating tug-of-war that she was going to lose either way.

And then his left hand covered both of hers, stilling their motion. He didn’t look at her, but she was embarrassed all the same since he’d apparently been aware of her tries to cover herself. His fingers curled around her left hand, his thumb rubbing the back of her right.

“You look amazing, Liv.” Finally he peeled his eyes from the window, smiling slightly at her. “Relax. It’s just me.”

She replied without thinking. “Exactly.”

She had no idea where the words had come from, no reason for saying them, no concept of why she would be nervous around him when she wasn’t comfortable around anyone else. His face revealed his concern at her answer, but he said nothing as he pulled his hand back into his lap.

Georgio’s was a quaint, small restaurant with dim lighting and a delectable aroma emanating from the doors. Regardless of the tension between her and Elliot, Olivia couldn’t help but feel excited. The atmosphere was unquestionably romantic, leading her to wonder why he’d chosen it. But as they were lead to their table, she slid her arm through his.

Their table was against the back wall, lit by a trio of white candles in the center. Olivia was nervous as she took her seat. The maitre d’ pushed the chair in against her legs and she froze, unsure of what she was supposed to do. She actually jumped when he took her napkin, shaking it out flat before laying it in her lap. Thankful for the low lighting, her face burned at the idea she was making a fool of herself. But as she looked at Elliot, she realized that memory had nothing to do with her anxiety. He looked like he was about to jump out of his skin and she knew it didn’t have anything to do with her.

The corners of his mouth quirked up. “I’m not used to eating at places like this.” She couldn’t be sure, but it seemed that he was blushing as well.

“Maybe we should hit up a hot dog cart on the way home.” Knowing that he was uncomfortable as she was somehow made her feel better and she was able to relax. They were both out of their element in the fancy restaurant, rather than just her without being able to remember anything.

He grinned and nodded, but he didn’t get to respond before the waiter asked for their drink order. Olivia didn’t have a clue and shrugged at the waiter. “Merlot?”

Elliot’s face revealed shock, his mouth falling open. “It’s your favorite.” He nodded at the waiter to bring the bottle.

But Olivia held up her hand to stop the man. “But it’s not yours, is it?” She wasn’t sure where she got the idea, but she was sure of it. Elliot narrowed his eyes at her, but she looked at the waiter. “Bring me a glass. He’ll take a scotch, on the rocks.”

His mouth curved up more as her eyes turned back to him. “How’d you know that?”

She shrugged. “Just a guess. Was it right?”

“Good guess.”

She had considerably more trouble with dinner. The first dish she mentioned, something incomprehensible in English, sounded great from the description, but Elliot shook his head and informed her that she was allergic to shellfish and therefore recommended against it, unless she wanted to wind up in the emergency room again. Dissuaded then from the entire seafood list, she moved on to another section of the menu. She was less convinced on her second try, asking him what he thought of the veal dishes.

He shook his head again. “You preached to me so many times about veal that I won’t let anyone in my family eat it.” He actually looked kind of sick at the thought.

Closing her menu, she set it to the side of her plate and sipped at her wine. “Maybe you should order for me.”

“You sure?” He still looked sick and that disturbed her.

“Why not? You know what I like, right?” Irksome as it was to have someone veto her ideas, she thought it was nice that he was protecting her interests, even if they were Liv’s interests rather than her own.

He set his menu on top of hers. “I’m not sure you’ve ever let a man order a meal for you in your entire life.” He smiled, a proud sort of smile. “You’re not the type of woman who stands for being spoken for.”

She sipped more of her drink, realizing that although she didn’t remember liking it, the taste was wonderful. “Under the circumstances, I think I can make an exception.”

When the waiter returned to refill their drinks, Elliot ordered the same meal for both of them, something with chicken that she decided sounded as good as the other selections she’d made. The silence that filled the table was a lot more comfortable while Olivia searched for something to say. She didn’t want to upset him, but the only thing she could come up with was work.

“Your suspension - are you in a lot of trouble?”

He shrugged, swirling his drink around in his glass. “It’s not the first time I’ve been suspended; it won’t be the last.”

“Hopefully I don’t get beat up that often.” She couldn’t help but feel guilty for it, even if he was playing it off.

“It’s not usually your fault.” He let go of his glass, clasping one hand over his fist. “I already told you about my problem solving technique.”

She hadn’t noticed before, but there were scars on the back of his hands, mostly around his knuckles. She could only imagine what sorts of things he’d slammed them into over the years. She recalled how he’d told her she was the sensible one while he was the physical sort. “I thought I was given strict orders to forget you admitted that.”

He grinned. “As much as I really do appreciate someone listening to me, I assure you, if I were ever dumb enough to try to order you around, you would absolutely not follow my commands.”

“Good to know.” She smiled and they lapsed back into silence for a bit. Turning over the various things he’d said to her about her personality, she was starting to dislike herself even more. It sounded very much like Liv was a hard-ass bitch, who didn’t take crap or favors from anyone. As nice as it was to know she was self-assured and confident, she didn’t like the rest of the picture that was emerging.

But Elliot picked up on her unease despite her attempt to conceal it. “Liv?” Her eyes met his and she offered him a tight smile. It didn’t fool him. “What’s wrong?”

She found it hard to talk with the emotions running through her. “I guess it makes sense now why you keep pushing me away.”

“It does?” The conversation was interrupted while their plates were set before them, but it didn’t deter him at all. “What is this great revelation you’ve had?”

Twirling her fork around in the noodles and failing entirely to get any pasta on it, she instead stabbed at a piece of chicken. “I’m not really soft and fuzzy, am I?”

Elliot choked on his food and had to take several sips of water while he attempted to clear his throat. Finally he shook his head at her with a wide smile. “No, you’re not what I’d call soft and fuzzy.” He tried another bite of food and chewed it thoughtfully. “In fact, I think you’d be pretty pissed off if anyone described you with the same words you might use for a teddy bear.”

She smiled and pushed the chicken around in the sauce. “I’m a bitch, aren’t I?”

“In the good sense of the word.”

“Is there a good sense of the word?”

He reached across the table, closing his hand over hers. “Yeah, there is.” He caught her eyes and smiled. “You can take care of yourself. You can take care of other people. You give a lot more than you’re willing to take.”

She nodded, appreciating the warmth of his hand, but feeling weird suddenly about the contact. “I guess.”

He pulled his hand back and she returned to playing with her dinner. “When I first heard I was getting a female partner, I was pretty pissed off, you know? I thought I’d have to watch out for you and protect you and have to watch my own back since you’d be too delicate to do it.”

“But I’m not delicate.” She didn’t look up and therefore missed the grin on his face.

“Maybe you are, but I’ve never seen it. You’ve never given me any cause to worry. I think I’m safer with you than any other partner out there.” His head shifted as he tried to get her to look at him, but he eventually gave up. “About a year ago, Cragen was talking about splitting us up.”

She looked up sharply, searching his eyes for truth. “Why?”

“He thought we were too close.”

Mortified, her head dropped back down. Their boss already thought they were too close and all she’d done was try to make them closer. She squeezed her eyes closed and wished she could undo everything, especially the outfit that seemed completely ill-conceived. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head and reached for her hand. “I’d quit, Liv.” Again, her head snapped up, shock causing her mouth to fall open. “There’s no one else I’d want to work with. I could never trust anyone like I trust you.” It was his turn to be embarrassed. Even in the dim light, his cheeks visibly darkened. “You’re my partner, Liv. And I won’t ever have another one.”

The words were incomprehensible, rolling around in her brain without making any sense. He couldn’t mean what he was saying; she wondered if the alcohol was talking. What she was hearing was too intimate, too secret, too important for him to ever confess to her. Elliot wasn’t one to share his feelings and certainly not one to display a weakness. Not to anyone, especially not to her.

How she knew that, she couldn’t say, but she knew it.

She knew his words were causing her heart to pound and her lungs to rebel. She couldn’t quite breathe right and she realized she was shaking.

Olivia looked down at her plate, watching the food swim through her tears. Elliot had confided something to her that she’d never heard before, something she’d known deep down but knew he’d never say, something she felt as well.

Her gasp was lost under the voice of the waiter who’d come by to offer them more drinks and to inquire about their meals. She kept her head down, letting Elliot’s short conversation with the waiter buy her some time.

Why were Elliot’s words so devastating? How did she know she could have said those same exact words to explain how she felt about him? Why did it scare her so terribly to hear spoken what had never been voiced in a decade?

“Excuse me.” She stood up and practically ran from the table, searching down the dark hallway for the bathroom. Once inside, she threw the lock to be sure of her privacy while she sank to her knees.

Because Olivia might have turned to Elliot for comfort, but Liv wouldn’t ever show so much of herself.

And she was Liv.

Her memories assailed her as she rocked back and forth, trying to get the floodgates to close on them. She was glad to have them back, to be herself once again, but she didn’t know how she’d ever face Elliot again. She’d made such a fool out of herself in front of him. She’d been throwing herself at him continuously since she’d woken up.

And if her own humiliation wasn’t enough, she had his to endure as well. He’d just told her something he never, ever would have said if he’d thought she was getting her memory back. The doctor hadn’t given either of them any hope that it might return so quickly, without any warning.

Grateful for a moment’s distraction, she let herself think about it, realizing there had been a few short bursts of something that might have foreshadowed the idea. She’d been so terribly shaken to feel his palm against her bare back, when an hour before that she’d felt no shame in having his erection pressed against her. She’d instinctively ordered her favorite drink and recalled his too.

But still, even had she understood the warning signs, it was too much.

Not only had Elliot opened himself up with his words, he’d done so physically. And shit, she knew he was getting divorced. He’d actually told her. He’d actually kissed her. He’d actually crawled into her bed and held her.

Her breath caught in her throat when she thought about her nightmares, about the way she’d curled up in his lap, about the way the lengthy embrace had ended - with his hips thrusting against hers, his erection pushing against her core.

She could feel her face grow warm as the blood rushed into her cheeks. She could die from the embarrassment of having to face her own behavior. She’d felt her partner intimately, she’d teased him, she’d chased him. And god damn the man, he’d reacted to her, to her touch. He’d stared at her, he’d made the first move to kiss her, he’d made no attempts to hide his physical desire for her.

It hadn’t simply been the opportunity of her sudden willingness, she knew. His body had responded so quickly, so eagerly, that she had no question he was far more willing than she ever would have suspected. Two days before and she would have sworn on her mother’s grave that Elliot wasn’t attracted to her, that he wouldn’t sleep with her even if he had the opportunity. But what she knew was turned on its head. He’d disrupted everything she thought she knew about them the moment he’d touched her, when he’d kissed her, when he’d settled them on the bed that first time.

The knock startled her and she stared at the lock in fear that it would give and he would find her there, crying and hysterical on her knees in the bathroom.

“Liv? Honey, are you ok?”

It wasn’t the first time he’d used a term of endearment for her since she’d lost her memory, but it was the first time since she’d remembered that he never would have done it if he’d known exactly who he was talking to.

It shook her to realize how quickly he’d been able to acclimate to the change in her, in them. He’d liked it. He’d liked her dependent on him. He’d liked her clinging to him. He’d liked her trying to fuck him.

Her lip curled into a snarl at the realization that he liked Olivia more.

That was just too bad, she thought, because she was Liv, his hard-assed bitch of a partner who wasn’t about to take bullshit chivalry or pet names from anyone. He’d taken advantage of her. She wiped at her eyes, took a deep breath and stood up. She had her memories, her life, back, but he didn’t know that.

It was time to play hardball.