Pussy and Cigarettes
Something is sitting on me. Holding me down. I can feel it I just cant explain what it is and how to make it stop. I mean, I know Olivia is gone, she couldn't have existed for long anyways, that just not a piece of my life that meant to be. I don't know... I just wake up, and want to go back to sleep. My days continue on like that. I'm not suicidal or horribly depressed I just don't want do anything because I can't move. I don't expect anyone to know what exactly this feels like. It's most likely part of a some psychosis I suffer from, lemme go find a pill for that.
Leo made fake IDs, yay Leo.
Gently he played with my fingers examining each one then kissing them all with the most loving touch it caught my full attention. He then put his arms around my waist and just held me. Just this action, this mere action made me tear. I couldn't remember the last time someone held me without trying to unhook my bra or get me into bed with them and it felt wonderful. And there we sat, watching a movie while he held me with one arm and held my hand with another. I have to say this almost made it all better, it almost made it all go away. Then when he told me he wanted to kiss me, it was all gone. Because then I remembered the person I really wanted to be with was across the hall. Fuck Me. You know it'd be soo much easier if he'd just say he hates me, that he could never be with me, that I'm not just what he's looking for. You know as special as that moment was with him I couldn't kiss him. The next day I woke up so defeated. I actually made myself hang out with new people to free my mind and it didn't even work.
And yesterday he walks into the kitchen and we continue our game of flirtation. The everyday game that drags me further into the world of his.
Damn I need a cigarette...
Leo made fake IDs, yay Leo.
Gently he played with my fingers examining each one then kissing them all with the most loving touch it caught my full attention. He then put his arms around my waist and just held me. Just this action, this mere action made me tear. I couldn't remember the last time someone held me without trying to unhook my bra or get me into bed with them and it felt wonderful. And there we sat, watching a movie while he held me with one arm and held my hand with another. I have to say this almost made it all better, it almost made it all go away. Then when he told me he wanted to kiss me, it was all gone. Because then I remembered the person I really wanted to be with was across the hall. Fuck Me. You know it'd be soo much easier if he'd just say he hates me, that he could never be with me, that I'm not just what he's looking for. You know as special as that moment was with him I couldn't kiss him. The next day I woke up so defeated. I actually made myself hang out with new people to free my mind and it didn't even work.
And yesterday he walks into the kitchen and we continue our game of flirtation. The everyday game that drags me further into the world of his.
Damn I need a cigarette...