born under a bad sign
yes, i now have quasi-scientific proof that i was born under a bad sign: pisces. oh, i quite enjoy being a fish, don't get me wrong. the dreamy, airy-fairy way that i have about me, being one of the few left who believe in true love (yes, it's out there damnit [janet] and i will someday find it!), the sensitives of the zodiac. but really, let's face it. pisces get SHIT on more than any other sign in the zodiac, and do nothing to provoke it. it just happens out of the blue. in fact, i had a whole conversation with a fellow fish while at work yesterday about it. mentioned i was born under a bad sign. the customer says, "you're not a ...pisces? are you?" and there it was. the proof is in the pudding. of course poor pisces has no control of this shitting on. they just learn to deal with it, or some of us anyway. and quite frankly i am tired of being shit on.
you see, in my extended absence things take that usual roller coaster ride that my life so frequently seems to be on. though they were getting better. much better in fact. things between (the name for the moment... right now he deserves no name. i've mentioned him in the past year and a half...same one) poopoo monkey head and i had been going oh so well. better than when we were "technically" together title and all. this just seemed to be understood for a while. discussions were had. things were good. life was good. sure, the first apartment sucks. but don't all first places you have on your very own? it's not perfect, but it's yours and hell, your parent/s aren't there. and i had quit my shitty ass waitressing job (i don't mind waiting tables, nothing against waitstaff, but this one was shitty- management sucked, co-workers sucked, and lousy tipping red necks really scuked). all for the sit down desk job that i had been trying to get since i moved to missouri. yes, that job was FINALLY mine. and i liked it. better pay. over time hours (i can only work up to 10 overtime hours a week, but, hell it was 10 over time hours.). and health insurance for the first time in 2 years. yay to less expenisve birth control pills and pap smears done by someone other than the nurse at the shitty county clinic. and i can even get sick if i want. the job is great. i like it. i was even looking at moving out of the first apartment and in with friends (an engaged couple) that i had met through applebee's. i was enjoying being 21 and a very heppy lush. and then things started to go down hill....and very very quickly.
jeremy and jessica (the engaged couple) started having problems. i did the typical pisces thing and put myself aside and absorbed myself in helping my two very good friends, after all we were going to be living together. so the two break up (all at the same time in putting an immense strain in my relationship b/c poopoo monkey head doesn't understand how i can care so much about other people and forget myself in the process). i at this point figure out the previous, and decide to let them figure it out on their own. i have my own life and person to take care of. my own relationship to work on. so finally a week or two of ignoring the not-so-happy couple, jessica comes to me to talk. she says it is over for good. and i told her that i would only support her in this decision if she never went back to jeremny. she said that was fine, and i let her move in with me. this was post jeremy suicide attempt. post jessica realizing that i wasn't going to put up with her wanting to "fix him" after he kicked her, yes physically kicked her out while he tried to do it. so i have a roommate and things are still good, not the great happiness that they had been but good. that was a lot of stress.
july 2/3. poopoo monkey headd had been being a real DICK to me at work. jealous basically. i was sitting next to 2 MALE friends at work. no big deal. but he's being an ass. and i was a little upset with his behaviour. we go over to a friend's house after work for a party. i have my bottle of alcohol. and his. i'm waiting for him to show up, so i'm drinking and chilling with jessica and everyone else. the anger is disappating. and then he shows up - fucked up beyond belief. like not normal either. something else, and i wasn't sure of it. so i ask if we can talk, i didn't want this looming over my head all nite. i just wanted to get it out, say what had to be said and have a good time. he blows me off. which is when i start angry drinking (bad bad bad move). and not just angry drinking, but slamming back the shots of... cuervo. yes, that evil alcohol tequilla. and i don't remember much after that. i some how ended up at his house. and then i made a fool out of myself. i told him i hated him (and it is so totally the opposite!) and trying to hit him. people were pulling me off of him. holding me back. and i am NOT a violent person. not in the least. he tried to carry me to my car, b/c somehome my "dd" jessica had shown up to take me home. i guess he had given me a ride to his house. i slapped him. hard. and he dropped me (my left elbow is fucked up to this day b/c of him dropping me). and went back inside. i was concious enough to realize what i had done and went to appologize. and he wouldn't answer the door. i was screaming on the front porch that this was not me, it was th e evil tequilla. i proceded to bang on the door and call the house for what i can only guess was hours. finally jessica drove me home - across the street. she put me in bed, set me alarm for work. and then she took my car out for a ride. almost 4 hours later she called me to tell me that she had wrecked my car. i thought it would be ok based on what she told me. but that's where things started getting fucked up. her story started changing. and she started lying. and she wasn't in my apartment past monday. none of that. she avoided my insurance company. for 5 days. she has stolen some of my things, won't give me my KEY back, or anything else she has, including one og HIS books! and i'm going to have to sue her ass. the true story: jessica was driving at LEAST 45mph. dropped her cigarette. bent down to pick it up out of the floor board of my car, and looked up in time to realize that she was about to hit something. she hit a parked nissan xterra and flew it over 20 in my little saturn. not only that but she rammed the front end of my car under their's. broke my windsheild. air bags deployed. cracked MY engine. and now i have no car. over $8000 in damage. and the sticker price 3 years ago... $9000. yes, it's totalled. now she orginally said she would pay for it. and i said fine. but now... lies and avoidance have pissed off the worng girl. and i will kick her while she's down. her being in jail will not stop me from suing her ass. i will get money for my car.
so now, my credit cards are behind. and they won't be totally paid off by the end of the year, like i had all planned and budgeted out. i won't be going back to uni this semester. i have to deal with higher insurance rates. i have to buy a new car, when all i want is MY CAR back. and b/c my landlady breaks in and snoops around, i have to find a new apartment. i let my brother move in and he owes me $200 on sunday, the day after his birthday. his jobless ass won't have it either. and there's other things... coming full circle. it's quite frightening. my job is in jeopardy b/c of the shit she put me through. called in too many times in my 90 days (which isn't even up until the end of this month!!). should've been fired, but i got another chance. i just can't have any absences or tardies between now and december. and not having a car makes this difficult. my goal is to have a new car and apartment no later than the end of september.
and there is more, i just don't have time. but there is your quasi-scientific proof that i was born under a bad sign. i hate not being here to see what's going on with all of you. and believe it or not, i do miss you a great deal. i was supposed to be getting a computer also. and i was thrilled. that meant possibly being able to catch up with some of you but now... i feel like a big gigantic louse. ::sigh::
you see, in my extended absence things take that usual roller coaster ride that my life so frequently seems to be on. though they were getting better. much better in fact. things between (the name for the moment... right now he deserves no name. i've mentioned him in the past year and a half...same one) poopoo monkey head and i had been going oh so well. better than when we were "technically" together title and all. this just seemed to be understood for a while. discussions were had. things were good. life was good. sure, the first apartment sucks. but don't all first places you have on your very own? it's not perfect, but it's yours and hell, your parent/s aren't there. and i had quit my shitty ass waitressing job (i don't mind waiting tables, nothing against waitstaff, but this one was shitty- management sucked, co-workers sucked, and lousy tipping red necks really scuked). all for the sit down desk job that i had been trying to get since i moved to missouri. yes, that job was FINALLY mine. and i liked it. better pay. over time hours (i can only work up to 10 overtime hours a week, but, hell it was 10 over time hours.). and health insurance for the first time in 2 years. yay to less expenisve birth control pills and pap smears done by someone other than the nurse at the shitty county clinic. and i can even get sick if i want. the job is great. i like it. i was even looking at moving out of the first apartment and in with friends (an engaged couple) that i had met through applebee's. i was enjoying being 21 and a very heppy lush. and then things started to go down hill....and very very quickly.
jeremy and jessica (the engaged couple) started having problems. i did the typical pisces thing and put myself aside and absorbed myself in helping my two very good friends, after all we were going to be living together. so the two break up (all at the same time in putting an immense strain in my relationship b/c poopoo monkey head doesn't understand how i can care so much about other people and forget myself in the process). i at this point figure out the previous, and decide to let them figure it out on their own. i have my own life and person to take care of. my own relationship to work on. so finally a week or two of ignoring the not-so-happy couple, jessica comes to me to talk. she says it is over for good. and i told her that i would only support her in this decision if she never went back to jeremny. she said that was fine, and i let her move in with me. this was post jeremy suicide attempt. post jessica realizing that i wasn't going to put up with her wanting to "fix him" after he kicked her, yes physically kicked her out while he tried to do it. so i have a roommate and things are still good, not the great happiness that they had been but good. that was a lot of stress.
july 2/3. poopoo monkey headd had been being a real DICK to me at work. jealous basically. i was sitting next to 2 MALE friends at work. no big deal. but he's being an ass. and i was a little upset with his behaviour. we go over to a friend's house after work for a party. i have my bottle of alcohol. and his. i'm waiting for him to show up, so i'm drinking and chilling with jessica and everyone else. the anger is disappating. and then he shows up - fucked up beyond belief. like not normal either. something else, and i wasn't sure of it. so i ask if we can talk, i didn't want this looming over my head all nite. i just wanted to get it out, say what had to be said and have a good time. he blows me off. which is when i start angry drinking (bad bad bad move). and not just angry drinking, but slamming back the shots of... cuervo. yes, that evil alcohol tequilla. and i don't remember much after that. i some how ended up at his house. and then i made a fool out of myself. i told him i hated him (and it is so totally the opposite!) and trying to hit him. people were pulling me off of him. holding me back. and i am NOT a violent person. not in the least. he tried to carry me to my car, b/c somehome my "dd" jessica had shown up to take me home. i guess he had given me a ride to his house. i slapped him. hard. and he dropped me (my left elbow is fucked up to this day b/c of him dropping me). and went back inside. i was concious enough to realize what i had done and went to appologize. and he wouldn't answer the door. i was screaming on the front porch that this was not me, it was th e evil tequilla. i proceded to bang on the door and call the house for what i can only guess was hours. finally jessica drove me home - across the street. she put me in bed, set me alarm for work. and then she took my car out for a ride. almost 4 hours later she called me to tell me that she had wrecked my car. i thought it would be ok based on what she told me. but that's where things started getting fucked up. her story started changing. and she started lying. and she wasn't in my apartment past monday. none of that. she avoided my insurance company. for 5 days. she has stolen some of my things, won't give me my KEY back, or anything else she has, including one og HIS books! and i'm going to have to sue her ass. the true story: jessica was driving at LEAST 45mph. dropped her cigarette. bent down to pick it up out of the floor board of my car, and looked up in time to realize that she was about to hit something. she hit a parked nissan xterra and flew it over 20 in my little saturn. not only that but she rammed the front end of my car under their's. broke my windsheild. air bags deployed. cracked MY engine. and now i have no car. over $8000 in damage. and the sticker price 3 years ago... $9000. yes, it's totalled. now she orginally said she would pay for it. and i said fine. but now... lies and avoidance have pissed off the worng girl. and i will kick her while she's down. her being in jail will not stop me from suing her ass. i will get money for my car.
so now, my credit cards are behind. and they won't be totally paid off by the end of the year, like i had all planned and budgeted out. i won't be going back to uni this semester. i have to deal with higher insurance rates. i have to buy a new car, when all i want is MY CAR back. and b/c my landlady breaks in and snoops around, i have to find a new apartment. i let my brother move in and he owes me $200 on sunday, the day after his birthday. his jobless ass won't have it either. and there's other things... coming full circle. it's quite frightening. my job is in jeopardy b/c of the shit she put me through. called in too many times in my 90 days (which isn't even up until the end of this month!!). should've been fired, but i got another chance. i just can't have any absences or tardies between now and december. and not having a car makes this difficult. my goal is to have a new car and apartment no later than the end of september.
and there is more, i just don't have time. but there is your quasi-scientific proof that i was born under a bad sign. i hate not being here to see what's going on with all of you. and believe it or not, i do miss you a great deal. i was supposed to be getting a computer also. and i was thrilled. that meant possibly being able to catch up with some of you but now... i feel like a big gigantic louse. ::sigh::