i changed the scenery but not the fucking situation

Oct 19, 2005 19:04

I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible...

So here I am, thinking. But there lies the beauty: I'm done with thinking. All it ever did was make me cry.

Yeahhh I come home and sleep the rest of the night. I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake.

I'm sick of trying to make things work that don't want to.

People are two-faced and only out for themselves.

Now I will tell you what I've done for you-
Fifty-thousand tears I've cried
Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won't HEAL me
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