(no subject)

[jezabella87]

i seriously need to learn exactly what i want and dont want. cause i am so goddamn indecisive. i'm pretty lonely. And i dont think its just the fact that i'm missing a boyfriend, i just dont have any close friends around WPI at the moment. i dont have anyone i can call and just be like, "hey, you wanna hang out?" whenever i'm bored or something. mcghee is always with andrew, maggie is always with joe, and my other friends i'm not on that level of closeness with. I just have no special someone to go to. craig is gone for the term, and if he was here, he'd be around to fill my void (of friendship, that is). but this afternoon i was just sitting here alone in my apartment and i was super lonely. i didnt wanna watch TV or do homework. i wanted to be hanging with friends, but everyone was busy or doing their own thing. I had no one to call. So instead, i decided it'd be a good idea to IM Dan. Of course that got me thinking, "hey, maybe we should get back together." And of course i know that i REALLY dont want to do that cause if i wasnt completely happy the first time around, what makes me think i'm going to be happier the second time around? but part of me is just lonely and wants to hang out with him. I honestly want to be friends with him, just friends, cause we have fun together. We dont have to be dating, but we can just out as friends. But he still isnt over me, and i'm having crazy mixed thoughts/feelings, so hanging out probably isnt the best idea. I dont know what has gotten into me lately. And when i go to parties, i'm looking for someone to be interested in, or looking for something. There are times when i just wanna hook up with someone. but thats not really my thing...although its something that could easily happen. There is always some guy interested somewhere. its 75% men at WPI, so its not like its difficult finding some guy to be interested/to hook up with. But i know i shouldnt be doing that. ugh.

i reallllllly really just wanna be single and not deal with men for a while. but its difficult with sooooooooo many guys around. and its especially difficult when i'm lonely (boyfriend wise and friend wise).