Text Me Like One of Your French Girls
Title: Text Me Like One of Your French Girls
Author: jeyhawk
Rating: Mature(ish)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 1,606
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all
Summary: Epistolary College AU. A love story told almost entirely in text messages.
Notes: For the lovely deirdre_c on the occasion of her birthday.
January 15
Jared to Jensen: I just googlemapped myself. I'm at the corner of xxx and xxx. Come pick me up.
Jensen to Jared: What are you doing there?
Jared to Jensen: No idea, but I smell like lemon.
*
February 3
Jensen to Jared: Why is there jello in my hair?
Jared to Jensen: This is very worrying… Is it strawberry flavored?
Jensen to Jared: I'm not going to taste it… Why?
Jared to Jensen: I woke up with Jello in my pubes.
Jensen to Jared: And you tasted it?
Jensen to Jared: Wait, don't answer that.
*
February 23
Jensen to Jared: You know the girl I went home with last night?
Jared to Jensen: You mean the drag queen?
Jensen to Jared: Way to ruin the surprise.
Jared to Jensen: Dude, she had a beard.
*
February 25
Chad to Jared: I think I have the clap.
Jared to Chad: And you're telling me this why?
Chad to Jared: I may or may not have been using your towel for the past three weeks…
*
March 7
Jensen to Jared: I just woke up wearing your Pokemon boxers. Did we have fun last night?
Jared to Jensen: I would think so. I had them on when we went out.
*
April 4
Jared to Jensen: Do you think we had sex last night?
Jensen to Jared: How so?
Jared to Jensen: Someone wrote Jensen was here on my dick with a sharpie.
*
April 9
Mike to Jensen: To infinity and beyond. Spock is a milf.
Jensen to Mike: Are you high?
Mike to Jensen: Pocahontas.
Jared to Jensen: Gremlins.
Jensen to Jared: Have you been smoking with Mike?
Jared to Jensen: No, I'm just about to watch it.
Jensen to Jared: Make room for me, I'm bringing popcorn.
*
April 15
Jensen to Jared: I think I just met the girl of my dreams.
Jared to Jensen: What's her name?
Jensen to Jared: No idea, but she has legs to the floor.
*
April 22
Jensen to Jared: I think I remember sucking your dick last night.
Jared to Jensen: I think I remember coming in your eye.
Jensen to Jared: So that's why it feels as if my contacts are on backwards.
*
May 3
Jared to Jensen: I think our bodies are having a relationship behind our minds' back.
Jensen to Jared: I'm inclined to agree. There's only so many plausible scenarios for plain yogurt to end up on my buttocks.
*
May 6
Jensen to Jared: OMG she's here.
Jared to Jensen: Who?
Jensen to Jared: My dream girl.
Jared to Jensen: Summer Glau is there???
Jensen to Jared: No the other one. Shit, she's coming this way. What should I do?
Jared to Jensen: Say hi.
Jensen to Jared: I threw up on her shoes…
*
May 11
Jared to Jensen: You and me, Jack, Jim and José tonight?
Jensen to Jared: I'm taking Dani out to dinner to make up for the shoe incident.
Jared to Jensen: Don't drink!
Jensen to Jared: Say hi to José from me.
2.10 a.m.
Jared to Jensen: I'm pretty sure Jose just told you to go fuck yourself… Through my nose.
*
Date: May 18
Chad to Jared: It's just you and me tonight, right?
Jared to Chad: Yeah, I guess.
Chad to Jared: Don't sound so happy about it. There might still be surprise butt sex you know.
Jared to Chad: Is it too late to change my mind?
Chad to Jared: Oh yeah bitch. Tonight will be EPIC.
5.05 a.m.
Jared to Jensen: I love you man.
Jared to Jensen: Sometimes I think about you when I jerk off.
Jared to Jensen: I miss you.
Jared to Jensen: I just threw up on my shirt.
*
May 24
Jensen to Jared: I woke up this morning with rug burn on my knees, my hip, my elbows and my ass. There's seventeen pics of your cock on my phone and an extreme close up of something that might be your navel. We're never drinking together again.
Jared to Jensen: It's not my navel it's your asshole.
Jensen to Jared: NEVER AGAIN!
*
May 27
Chad to Jared: Did you meet the girl wonder yet?
Jared to Chad: Yeah.
Chad to Jared: And?
Jared to Chad: I like her. :(
*
June 3
Jensen to Jared: Wanna take a break from this cramming shit and grab something to eat?
Jared to Jensen: I'm sitting right next to you…
*
June 7
Jensen to Jared: I think I might be in love with her.
Jared to Jensen: You haven't even had sex.
Jensen to Jared: That's what makes it so special. Normally good head is the way to my heart.
*
June 8
Jared to Jensen: I'm going home over break.
Jensen to Jared: I thought we had plans.
Jared to Jensen: Drinking impossible amounts of tequila isn't a plan. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
*
June 9
Jared to Chad: I think I'm screwed.
Chad to Jared: Did you get drunk with Jensen again?
*
July 7
Jensen to Jared: The house is too quiet without you.
Jared to Jensen: Ask Dani over.
Jensen to Jared: I did, she had plans.
Jared to Jensen: I'll be back on Friday.
Jensen to Jared: I'm looking forward to it.
*
July 28
Jensen to Jared: Where did you go, man?
Jared to Jensen: Out.
Jensen to Jared: Out where?
Jensen to Jared: Jared?
Jared to Jensen: Just out. I'll be back later. Say hi to Dani from me.
Jensen to Jared: Okay.
3.15 a.m.
Jared to Chad: I don't know what to do.
Chad to Jared: Don't ask me. I don't speak gay.
*
July 30
Jensen to Jared: We did it.
Jared to Jensen: And?
Jensen to Jared: I don't know. Call me.
*
August 5
Jensen to Jared: How can I not be sexually compatible with my dream girl? How is that even possible?
Jared to Jensen: Again?
Jensen to Jared: Yeah. :(
*
August 14
Chad to Jared: In case you don't remember tomorrow: I just caught you and Jensen necking the upstairs closet.
9 a.m.
Jared to Chad: I remember.
*
August 15
Chad to Jared: BODY SHOTS!
Chad to Jensen: BODY SHOTS!
*
August 16
Jared to Jensen: I just woke up in your bed. Did we…
Jensen to Jared: Yes.
Jared to Jensen: :( I'm sorry, man.
Jensen to Jared: Not your fault.
Jared to Jensen: Maybe I should move out for a while. I can crash with Mike.
Jensen to Jared: Yeah.
*
August 18
Chad to Jared: Your both idiots.
Jared to Chad: *You're.
Chad to Jensen: Your both idiots.
Jensen to Chad: *You're.
*
August 24
Mike to Jensen: I'm sorry to hear about Dani, man. Does this mean I can have a go?
Jensen to Mike: Fuck off.
Mike to Jensen: So that's a no then?
*
August 25
Jared to Jensen: I hope you know I didn't want this.
Jensen to Jared: Of course I do.
*
September 1
Jensen to Jared: I miss you.
Jensen to Jared: Come home.
Jensen to Jared: I'm sorry I let you go.
Jensen to Jared: You're the best thing in my life.
Jared to Jensen: Is that José holding the phone?
Jensen to Jared: I'm in love with you.
*
September 2
Jared to Jensen: I just want you to know that I won't hold any 4am confessions against you.
Jensen to Jared: Not even if I want you to? Come home.
Jared to Jensen: Okay.
*
September 3
Chad to Jared: The couch dude? That is not cool.
Chad to Jared: I sit on that couch.
Chad to Jared: I EAT on that couch.
Chad to Jared: I consider that couch my friend.
Jared to Chad: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Chad to Jared: Yeah whatever man. Congratulations.
*
"Mmm, I love body shots," Jared murmurs, dragging his tongue around Jensen's navel.
Jensen laughs breathlessly and winds his sticky fingers into Jared's hair. "I'm not sure… oh… it counts if it's chocolate sauce."
Jared grins. "Of course it does," he murmurs, inching downwards.
"Oh… holy fuck… yes."
Jared would say something smug but his mouth is otherwise occupied.
-
Afterwards they collapse on the bed in a sweaty sticky tangle and while they might have done this quite a lot in the past year or so, this part is still new.
"I guess the way to my heart is good head after all," Jensen murmurs, pressing his lips against Jared's cheek.
Jared hums in agreement and tilts his head to capture Jensen's lips in a slow sweet kiss.
*
Three Years Later
Jensen to Jared: I just woke up covered in rose petals, body fluids and bite marks wearing the gaudiest fucking ring I've ever seen... Did we get married last night?
Jared to Jensen: Yes.
Jensen to Jared: Oh... So how's your presentation going?
Jared to Jensen: I'm so hungover I want to die and I'm haunted by images of my husband spread out and naked on our hotel bed. How do you think it's going?
Jensen to Jared: Amazingly.
Jared to Jensen: Well obviously. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't get dressed.
-The End-
Author: jeyhawk
Rating: Mature(ish)
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Word count: 1,606
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all
Summary: Epistolary College AU. A love story told almost entirely in text messages.
Notes: For the lovely deirdre_c on the occasion of her birthday.
January 15
Jared to Jensen: I just googlemapped myself. I'm at the corner of xxx and xxx. Come pick me up.
Jensen to Jared: What are you doing there?
Jared to Jensen: No idea, but I smell like lemon.
*
February 3
Jensen to Jared: Why is there jello in my hair?
Jared to Jensen: This is very worrying… Is it strawberry flavored?
Jensen to Jared: I'm not going to taste it… Why?
Jared to Jensen: I woke up with Jello in my pubes.
Jensen to Jared: And you tasted it?
Jensen to Jared: Wait, don't answer that.
*
February 23
Jensen to Jared: You know the girl I went home with last night?
Jared to Jensen: You mean the drag queen?
Jensen to Jared: Way to ruin the surprise.
Jared to Jensen: Dude, she had a beard.
*
February 25
Chad to Jared: I think I have the clap.
Jared to Chad: And you're telling me this why?
Chad to Jared: I may or may not have been using your towel for the past three weeks…
*
March 7
Jensen to Jared: I just woke up wearing your Pokemon boxers. Did we have fun last night?
Jared to Jensen: I would think so. I had them on when we went out.
*
April 4
Jared to Jensen: Do you think we had sex last night?
Jensen to Jared: How so?
Jared to Jensen: Someone wrote Jensen was here on my dick with a sharpie.
*
April 9
Mike to Jensen: To infinity and beyond. Spock is a milf.
Jensen to Mike: Are you high?
Mike to Jensen: Pocahontas.
Jared to Jensen: Gremlins.
Jensen to Jared: Have you been smoking with Mike?
Jared to Jensen: No, I'm just about to watch it.
Jensen to Jared: Make room for me, I'm bringing popcorn.
*
April 15
Jensen to Jared: I think I just met the girl of my dreams.
Jared to Jensen: What's her name?
Jensen to Jared: No idea, but she has legs to the floor.
*
April 22
Jensen to Jared: I think I remember sucking your dick last night.
Jared to Jensen: I think I remember coming in your eye.
Jensen to Jared: So that's why it feels as if my contacts are on backwards.
*
May 3
Jared to Jensen: I think our bodies are having a relationship behind our minds' back.
Jensen to Jared: I'm inclined to agree. There's only so many plausible scenarios for plain yogurt to end up on my buttocks.
*
May 6
Jensen to Jared: OMG she's here.
Jared to Jensen: Who?
Jensen to Jared: My dream girl.
Jared to Jensen: Summer Glau is there???
Jensen to Jared: No the other one. Shit, she's coming this way. What should I do?
Jared to Jensen: Say hi.
Jensen to Jared: I threw up on her shoes…
*
May 11
Jared to Jensen: You and me, Jack, Jim and José tonight?
Jensen to Jared: I'm taking Dani out to dinner to make up for the shoe incident.
Jared to Jensen: Don't drink!
Jensen to Jared: Say hi to José from me.
2.10 a.m.
Jared to Jensen: I'm pretty sure Jose just told you to go fuck yourself… Through my nose.
*
Date: May 18
Chad to Jared: It's just you and me tonight, right?
Jared to Chad: Yeah, I guess.
Chad to Jared: Don't sound so happy about it. There might still be surprise butt sex you know.
Jared to Chad: Is it too late to change my mind?
Chad to Jared: Oh yeah bitch. Tonight will be EPIC.
5.05 a.m.
Jared to Jensen: I love you man.
Jared to Jensen: Sometimes I think about you when I jerk off.
Jared to Jensen: I miss you.
Jared to Jensen: I just threw up on my shirt.
*
May 24
Jensen to Jared: I woke up this morning with rug burn on my knees, my hip, my elbows and my ass. There's seventeen pics of your cock on my phone and an extreme close up of something that might be your navel. We're never drinking together again.
Jared to Jensen: It's not my navel it's your asshole.
Jensen to Jared: NEVER AGAIN!
*
May 27
Chad to Jared: Did you meet the girl wonder yet?
Jared to Chad: Yeah.
Chad to Jared: And?
Jared to Chad: I like her. :(
*
June 3
Jensen to Jared: Wanna take a break from this cramming shit and grab something to eat?
Jared to Jensen: I'm sitting right next to you…
*
June 7
Jensen to Jared: I think I might be in love with her.
Jared to Jensen: You haven't even had sex.
Jensen to Jared: That's what makes it so special. Normally good head is the way to my heart.
*
June 8
Jared to Jensen: I'm going home over break.
Jensen to Jared: I thought we had plans.
Jared to Jensen: Drinking impossible amounts of tequila isn't a plan. It's a disaster waiting to happen.
*
June 9
Jared to Chad: I think I'm screwed.
Chad to Jared: Did you get drunk with Jensen again?
*
July 7
Jensen to Jared: The house is too quiet without you.
Jared to Jensen: Ask Dani over.
Jensen to Jared: I did, she had plans.
Jared to Jensen: I'll be back on Friday.
Jensen to Jared: I'm looking forward to it.
*
July 28
Jensen to Jared: Where did you go, man?
Jared to Jensen: Out.
Jensen to Jared: Out where?
Jensen to Jared: Jared?
Jared to Jensen: Just out. I'll be back later. Say hi to Dani from me.
Jensen to Jared: Okay.
3.15 a.m.
Jared to Chad: I don't know what to do.
Chad to Jared: Don't ask me. I don't speak gay.
*
July 30
Jensen to Jared: We did it.
Jared to Jensen: And?
Jensen to Jared: I don't know. Call me.
*
August 5
Jensen to Jared: How can I not be sexually compatible with my dream girl? How is that even possible?
Jared to Jensen: Again?
Jensen to Jared: Yeah. :(
*
August 14
Chad to Jared: In case you don't remember tomorrow: I just caught you and Jensen necking the upstairs closet.
9 a.m.
Jared to Chad: I remember.
*
August 15
Chad to Jared: BODY SHOTS!
Chad to Jensen: BODY SHOTS!
*
August 16
Jared to Jensen: I just woke up in your bed. Did we…
Jensen to Jared: Yes.
Jared to Jensen: :( I'm sorry, man.
Jensen to Jared: Not your fault.
Jared to Jensen: Maybe I should move out for a while. I can crash with Mike.
Jensen to Jared: Yeah.
*
August 18
Chad to Jared: Your both idiots.
Jared to Chad: *You're.
Chad to Jensen: Your both idiots.
Jensen to Chad: *You're.
*
August 24
Mike to Jensen: I'm sorry to hear about Dani, man. Does this mean I can have a go?
Jensen to Mike: Fuck off.
Mike to Jensen: So that's a no then?
*
August 25
Jared to Jensen: I hope you know I didn't want this.
Jensen to Jared: Of course I do.
*
September 1
Jensen to Jared: I miss you.
Jensen to Jared: Come home.
Jensen to Jared: I'm sorry I let you go.
Jensen to Jared: You're the best thing in my life.
Jared to Jensen: Is that José holding the phone?
Jensen to Jared: I'm in love with you.
*
September 2
Jared to Jensen: I just want you to know that I won't hold any 4am confessions against you.
Jensen to Jared: Not even if I want you to? Come home.
Jared to Jensen: Okay.
*
September 3
Chad to Jared: The couch dude? That is not cool.
Chad to Jared: I sit on that couch.
Chad to Jared: I EAT on that couch.
Chad to Jared: I consider that couch my friend.
Jared to Chad: :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D
Chad to Jared: Yeah whatever man. Congratulations.
*
"Mmm, I love body shots," Jared murmurs, dragging his tongue around Jensen's navel.
Jensen laughs breathlessly and winds his sticky fingers into Jared's hair. "I'm not sure… oh… it counts if it's chocolate sauce."
Jared grins. "Of course it does," he murmurs, inching downwards.
"Oh… holy fuck… yes."
Jared would say something smug but his mouth is otherwise occupied.
-
Afterwards they collapse on the bed in a sweaty sticky tangle and while they might have done this quite a lot in the past year or so, this part is still new.
"I guess the way to my heart is good head after all," Jensen murmurs, pressing his lips against Jared's cheek.
Jared hums in agreement and tilts his head to capture Jensen's lips in a slow sweet kiss.
*
Three Years Later
Jensen to Jared: I just woke up covered in rose petals, body fluids and bite marks wearing the gaudiest fucking ring I've ever seen... Did we get married last night?
Jared to Jensen: Yes.
Jensen to Jared: Oh... So how's your presentation going?
Jared to Jensen: I'm so hungover I want to die and I'm haunted by images of my husband spread out and naked on our hotel bed. How do you think it's going?
Jensen to Jared: Amazingly.
Jared to Jensen: Well obviously. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Don't get dressed.
-The End-