you're dumbstruck baby (by my lovin') - Kris/Adam - NC17
Title: you're dumbstruck baby (by my lovin')
Author: jeyhawk
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Beta: sbb23
Word Count: ~7,500
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Musical Tour AU. The one where Kris is almost painfully clueless but Adam wants to date him anyway.
Notes: This one is for all the people I owe charity fics. I'm sorry I suck. Please poke me. Thanks to elizaria for the title. :)
"So let me get this straight… You’ve never jerked off. Like… ever."
Kris flushes, looking down on his hands because it's way better than looking up at Adam's flabbergasted face.
"That's what I said, isn't it?" he mutters.
He's already regretting telling Adam, because it's embarrassing, okay? It's not like he never tried, but whenever he starts that story pops up in his mind and he just can't.
"I can't even imagine… I mean don't you ever get…" Adam makes a vague gesture that Kris thinks means horny, or maybe hard. It doesn't really matter because it's mortifying either way.
"Of course I do, it's just…"
Kris hazards a look to find Adam's blue eyes focused on him with that same stupefied expression stuck on Adam's face.
"Look," Kris says, carefully looking away. "I know you don't get it because you're not… religious or whatever, but I was nine and my pastor was like my hero. He wasn't talking to me, probably didn't even know I was there, but he sounded so… disapproving that when I got old enough to understand what he'd been talking about… I just couldn't."
"But you're twenty-two," Adam points out needlessly, because Kris knows very well how old he is and just how tragic his sex life, or complete lack thereof, is.
"I know," Kris exclaims exasperated.
Logically, Kris knows that he's probably confirming all of Adam's suspicions about backwards Southern Christian boys, but there's just something about Adam that always makes him over share. Maybe it's the way Adam looks at him as if he's actually interesting and not just some guy Adam got saddled to room with for the duration of the tour, or maybe it's the way Adam's smile makes his stomach flutter. It doesn't really matter, it's not like Adam, beautiful amazing Adam, will ever be interested in the lame band-guy that never even jerked off when he can easily have his pick of the main cast.
--
The thing is that Kris is pretty sure he could successfully jerk off now, he's certainly horny enough all the time, but Katy once told him that before she actually had sex she never really understood what being horny meant. Sure, she'd get excited, but it wasn't until that first time, even though it was more awkward than good, that she really understood the concept. Kris thinks that at this point the same thing can probably be applied to masturbation.
Entering the wild world of self abuse now would probably be like opening Pandora's Box and considering he's never more than half a step away from mortally embarrassing himself in front of Adam anyway, he's so not going to add loud nightly orgasms to that list. Katy laughs for fifteen minutes straight when he tells her of this obvious conclusion and then she tells him to not call her again until he's slept with Adam. She's officially the worst friend ever.
--
Adam is everyone's best friend, fluttering from one social group to the next like a restless butterfly. The production is huge, almost 100 people between the main cast, the dancers, the chorus, the band and all of the techs, but Adam knows all of them by name. Kris feels like an awkward turtle in comparison, sometimes he even forgets his own name, and no matter how often Adam tries to include him he always strays back to hang out with the band.
"The guy's gonna develop a complex with the way you keep shooting him down," Cam points out when Kris comes back to join them after another turn around the room trapped beneath Adam's arm.
Kris flushes. "It's not like that," he mutters, because it isn't. Adam's just being friendly.
"You just keep telling yourself that," Tommy says, poking Kris in the knee with the scuffed toe of his boot. "I stopped believing you right around the time Adam threw a hissy fit because they were gonna pair you up with Matt."
Cam laughs. "I almost forgot about that. I thought he was gonna have a stroke."
Kris frowns, looking across the room at where Matt has his ear glued to his phone. He likes Matt well enough, he's part of the chorus and before the entire production hit the road Kris went out for drinks with Matt and his friend Anoop a couple of times. He can't really imagine rooming with him though, and he had no idea it was ever on the table.
--
Kris brings it up that night when they're back in their hotel room after the show. Adam's removing his makeup, the bathroom door left open for easy conversation, and maybe it's the perceived distance that makes Kris brave enough to even approach the subject. He's a lot more embarrassed talking about this than he was telling Adam about his lack of masturbation habits. His mind is strange sometimes.
"So the guys told me that the powers that be were gonna pair me up with Matt," he says, hoping his tone comes off more casual than he feels.
"Yeah," Adam answers easily. "Worst idea they ever had. Matt snores something fierce, I couldn't let you room with that."
"Oh," Kris says, digging his toes into the comforter.
He doesn't know what he was hoping for really; a sudden declaration of love? Not very likely.
"Besides, you like rooming with me, right?" Adam says, poking his head out of the bathroom to look at Kris.
His makeup is half on, half off and he's absolutely adorable. "Yeah," Kris mutters, blushing hard. "I… uh… yeah."
Adam's answering smile is blinding and seemingly hardwired to Kris's dick, making his stomach tighten with hopeless want. It's completely unfair that Adam is so gorgeous. Couldn't he at least have had the decency to be average looking? With his unreal voice and amazing personality Adam is already the catch of the century, being good looking is just icing on the cake, and Kris really doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell at winning his affection.
Besides, he's met a couple of Adam's exes, the snarky, eccentric, but super-hot Brad and the not-so-tortured artist Drake - compared to them Kris isn't even a wallflower, he's inside the stupid wall. Adam even said himself that he wants a man that knows what he wants, and Kris, who can't even manage to rub himself off, is pretty much the opposite of that.
--
With every new town they hit up Adam takes Kris out to do something fun. They've been to crazy concept restaurants, odd museums, weirdly themed amusement parks and on one memorable occasion a gay rodeo. Sometimes a few of the others tag along (like they could go to a horror-themed amusement park without Tommy), but more often than not it's just the two of them and it's fantastic.
Kris doesn't even know how Adam found half of the places they've been to, but Kris is so very grateful that he did. His life would just not be the same if he'd never eaten at Joe's Dinosaur Diner (the waiters wore T-Rex costumes), or shared an ice cream with Adam while lazily floating down the Fairy Canal (okay, the witch's forest was totally creepy but Adam hugged him the entire way through).
Behind Adam's back Kris has kept every ticket stub, receipt, pamphlet and cheesy souvenir, tucking them into a small box hidden at the bottom of his suitcase to be treasured at a time when his life is no longer effortlessly amazing. It's not even about the places, even if they were all fantastic; it's about Adam and his shameless infectious appetite for life and all it has to offer.
--
In Miami Adam wakes Kris up before dawn and takes him down to the beach where they sit huddled together watching the sun rise over the horizon. It's such a painfully perfect moment - Adam's hip against Kris's and Adam's arm warm and sure across Kris's shoulders - that he scoops a little sand into his jeans pocket before they leave and calls his mom to tell her all about it as soon as they get back to the hotel.
"He took you to the beach," she says when Kris is done talking.
"Yes," Kris says impatiently, because seriously, he just told her that.
"To show you the sunrise."
"Yes."
Kim is silent for a moment. "Just the two of you?"
"Yeah," Kris says, tucking his phone in between his ear and shoulder while he carefully transfers the sand from his pocket into a tiny Ziploc bag.
"On the beach. In the wee hours in the morning."
"Jeez, mom," Kris says, scribbling Miami on the bag and tucking it into his memory box. "You make it sound like he's shifty, or something. I can assure it was strictly hands above the covers."
Kim chuckles, sounding exasperated. "I think I have to meet this man," she says. "His patience is nothing short of admirable."
Kris laughs. "You'll meet him next week when we come to Little Rock," he says. "You'll love him, I promise."
"Of course I will," she says and Kris can almost hear her indulgent smile. "You know what? Since it's your state, maybe you should be the one to show him a good time for once."
Kris blinks. He didn't even think of that. "You don't think he'll find it… weird, like I'm asking him out on a date or something."
"Oh honey…" Kim says, trailing off. She sounds almost… disappointed. "I'm absolutely certain that he'll be thrilled. You know what, I'll get you a reservation for Brand New Restaurant on Friday night. From what you've told me, he's gonna love that place."
"Awesome," Kris says, grinning. "Thanks mom."
"Anytime, sweetie."
--
Kris is a bit nervous about asking Adam about the restaurant and the band’s reaction doesn't really help.
"Fucking finally," Tommy explodes.
"About damned time," Cam says.
"Took you long enough," Isaac points out.
"What are we talking about?" Andrew asks, dropping down into the chair next to Kris's.
"Kris is gonna ask Adam out," Chris says.
"Wow." Andrew's eyes widen. "You're actually going to put him out of his misery?"
Kris snorts and glares at each and every one of them in turn. They're all horrible friends.
"It's not a date," he huffs. "It's just… he's always the one taking me out, it’s only fair I pick up the tab for once."
Tommy rolls his eyes so hard he almost falls over. "He's been taking you out on dates, Kris. Dates. If I was him I'd have given up three months ago. You're hot but not that hot."
The others murmur their agreement, all looking at Kris as if he's a moist piece of beef at the meat market.
"Stop that," Kris mutters, raising his eyes to look at Adam across the room. "Just… look at him, okay?"
Tommy is the only one that bothers to swivel his head, but it's not like Kris doesn't know he's made out with Adam a time or two.
Adam's talking to Megan, the female lead, waving his hands around to emphasize whatever point he's making, the silver tips of his nails sparkling with the overhead lights. His long legs are hugged by jeans so tight they're indecent and his hair is teased back over his head in a perfect raven wave. Even with the distance Kris can count the freckles on his soft pink lips, maybe because he has each and every one committed to his memory, and the subtle black lining Adam's eyes make them stand out in a way that has Kris's mouth watering. Adam is perfect from the heels of his studded boots to the soft curl of his pierced ears. Six feet of glittery amazingness and it doesn't even matter that he'll never truly be Kris's because Kris would still follow him to end of the world if he could.
"Kris," Cam says kindly, reaching over to squeeze his knee. "I admit that he's hot and all, but not everyone views Adam through your rose-colored lenses. You're a good-looking guy too, and believe me, Adam is not out of your league, okay?"
Kris frowns. Sure, he knows that he's not ugly and all that working out he did over summer break actually paid off, but next to Adam he's a tragic brown little mouse in a plaid shirt.
"I'm gonna need a new shirt," he says dumbly and Allison, one of the younger cast members, leans over from the next table where she was seemingly deeply engrossed in a novel.
"I'll take you," she says gleefully and Kris kind of wishes he’d never opened his mouth.
--
Allison turns out to be kind of awesome and she's a good friend of Adam's too, which leads to a whole lot of hilarious pouting when she shows up to take Kris shopping. Adam looks almost hurt that he's not invited, but Kris tells himself he's just imagining things; there's no way Adam is that invested in Kris's wardrobe.
Seven stores later Kris almost wishes they'd invited Adam, because trying on clothes is exhausting and Allison is like a tiny, evil general.
"No," she says without even looking up when Kris models his millionth pair of jeans.
"No," the store clerk agrees, but he still leers when he catches Kris's eyes. "They should be at least a size smaller."
"Two," Allison says, because she's heartless and doesn't want Kris to breathe.
It takes eight more changes before they finally find a pair of jeans that they can all agree on. Kris wisely buys them in four different colors, because he's never putting himself through that again. Before they leave Paul, that's the clerk, slips Kris his number.
"Give me a call if things don't work out with your guy," he says, giving Kris's hip an affectionate pat.
Kris flushes, but he still drops the number into his bag. Paul is kind of cute, if you like the malnourished type, and you never know, Kris might need fashion advice again in the future.
--
Shopping for shirts turns out to be easier and all-in-all it’s only eight hours later when Kris gets back to the hotel, loaded down with bags and boxes. He doesn't think he's ever spent so much money on clothes before and he would totally be embarrassed about it if it weren’t for Adam's childish glee when faced with all the new purchases.
Kris face-plants onto his bed, leaving Adam to go through the bags on his own, his feet ache something fierce and he’s been working on a headache for three hours. Adam tears through boxes, bags and wrappings like a child on Christmas morning, carefully folding each item he reveals and stacking them on the edge of his bed. Every new find is followed by an exclamation of glee and Kris turns his head against the pillows to watch him. He never knew it was possible to get so excited over someone else's clothes.
Adam attacks the jeans bag last, dumping the contents in his lap and lifting the topmost pair to his face.
"Wow," he says, studying the price tag. "Someone went down a size."
"Two," Kris groans. "They were evil."
Adam stiffens slightly. "They?"
"Allison and Paul," Kris answers.
"Paul?" Adam asks casually. "Is that Allison's new guy?"
"No," Kris answers, flopping a hand against the covers to convey just how ridiculous that notion is. "He's gay."
"Oh," Adam says shortly, throwing the jeans onto the bed without folding them. "Do tell me more. What does he look like?"
If Kris had been a little less exhausted, he might have picked up on the change of tone, but as it is, he plows right into the trap.
"I don't know… Skinny? Blond hair… eyes."
He honestly can't remember the color of Paul's eyes. Maybe they were brown, maybe they were blue; it doesn't matter.
"Skinny. I see," Adam says tightly, throwing another pair of jeans onto the bed.
Kris frowns, finally picking up on the change of mood, just as Adam throws the last pair of jeans to the side and finds the note.
"He gave you his number?"
"Uh… yeah, but…"
Adam crumples the note between his fingers and pushes up from the floor.
"Well, why don't call him?" Adam asks meanly, throwing the balled up paper on Kris's head. "I'm sure Paul's skinny ass will be more than happy to show you a good time."
"Wha…" Kris starts, pushing himself up on his elbows, but it's too late - the door is already slamming shut behind Adam's back. Kris collapses to the bed again, grabbing the offending piece of paper and tearing into a hundred tiny pieces. He doesn't want Paul's skinny ass to show him a good time, he wants Adam to smile and ruffle his hair and look at him like he's special.
He realizes belatedly that he should probably have run after Adam, but he's hopeless at these things and he's not sure what Adam's hissy fit was even about.
--
After the Paul incident Adam avoids Kris, and it suddenly becomes amazingly obvious just how much time they were spending together before. Kris feels like a ship without an anchor, listlessly drifting between the isolated islands of people surrounding him. It hurts, because Kris doesn't really understand what he did wrong. He wasn't going to ask Paul out and it's not his fault Paul doesn't eat like a proper person.
If it weren’t for Adam's over-the-top reaction Kris would have forgotten all about Paul by now, but instead Paul is like a leech on his conscience slowly draining his will to live. Kris doesn't know how to exist without his daily dose of Adam; everything is dull and boring and stupid, and if the damned show didn't have to go on he would have crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head days ago.
It's pure torture to watch Adam kill it on stage every night from the band's elevated podium - larger than life and brighter than the sun - he owns the very tiles he walks on, weaving the tale of love and violent passion that Kris has seen so many times before but that Adam still manages to reinvent every night with his sheer presence.
Before Kris knows it it's Friday morning and he drags himself bleary-eyed and listless onto the bus that'll take them to Little Rock after yet another sleepless night wondering where Adam is, or isn't, sleeping. Just like the last bus ride Adam's already in his seat, iPod earphones firmly plugged in and his head stubbornly turned towards the window. Kris ignores him, collapsing into his own seat and squeezing his eyes shut. It's easier to breathe with Adam right there, warm and solid against his side, easier and infinitely more painful.
He's acutely aware of the other people piling on to the bus, the seats around them filling up with friends and foes in a familiar noisy scuffle. He hears Gokey complain about something and Matt's rumble of protest, Allison's laugh and Tommy telling her to shut up. Isaac tapping his fingers against the seatback like he always does and then his surprised squeal when Cam tickles him to make it stop. It's achingly familiar and suddenly it hits Kris with a pang that they're on the last leg of the tour. One more month of this and they'll all be going their separate ways. There are rumors of an international tour with the musical being an unexpected smash hit, but there's no guarantee they'll all be back.
"You look like shit."
It takes Kris a moment to realize that Adam's even speaking to him. It's the first time in five days that Adam as much as looked in his direction, which is quite a feat considering their usual cramped locations.
"Like you care," Kris retorts without opening his eyes.
He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to do anything. He wants to curl up into a tiny little ball of misery and bawl his eyes out because he managed to screw everything up and he's going to miss everyone so much.
"Hey," Adam says softly, nudging his knee. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kris says tightly, trying to not think about the fact that in eight hours give or take they have reservations for a fancy restaurant and the way things are going Kris will have to go by himself and sit there like an idiot that got stood up.
"Fine," Adam says just as tightly, and when Kris hazards a look he's staring out the window again.
Kris's life sucks.
--
That evening Kris puts on a brand new outfit, a pair of dark grey jeans that could seriously be painted on and a figure hugging black shirt. He musses his hair up the way Adam taught him and stares blearily at his pale reflection in the mirror. He doesn't look like he's going on a date; he looks like he's heading for the gallows.
Adam's bags are in a neat stack by the empty bed, but so far he hasn't been back to the room. Kris knows that when he comes back from dinner, one of the bags will be missing and the sink will not be loaded down with Adam's usual clutter. He never thought it was possible to miss the mess of makeup, skincare products and hair stuff that's usually all over the bathroom, but the sink looks depressingly empty without it, pristine and clean without powder lines and dark smudges.
With one last sigh, he turns the bathroom lights off and heads for the door. It's hard to say who's more surprised when he opens the door to find Adam standing right there. They both take a step back and the door almost drops shut before Adam reaches out to catch it.
"Going out?" Adam asks, nostrils flaring slightly as he takes in Kris's outfit.
"And?" Kris retorts, he's unreasonably pissed with Adam for ruining their date when Kris never actually asked him.
"Nothing," Adam says tightly, pulling the door open wider.
Kris brushes past him with a cold lump in his stomach. "Look," he starts, turning on his heel and saying a quick prayer for courage because some habits die hard. "I was…"
"What?" Adam asks, impatiently, already half way through the door. "I don't have all night."
"Oh." Kris bites down hard on his lower lip. "Well, fuck you."
He doesn't want Adam to come on the stupid date anyway. He'll have more fun on his own.
"Have fun with your skinny boyfriend," Adam shouts as Kris takes off down the corridor. "And fuck you too."
--
Kris runs into Allison in the lobby. She takes one look at his face and pulls him into a hug.
"Don't go," she says softly. "You'll just be miserable."
"I'll be miserable here too," Kris mutters. "At least there I'll be miserable with food."
She releases her strangle-hold of his neck and he straightens up.
"You wanna come?" he asks.
She chuckles and shakes her head, reaching out to straighten the collar of his shirt.
"I promised mom I'd stay in," she says with a grimace. "But you should have fun."
"Yeah," Kris says, trying for a smile. "Fun, fun, fun."
Allison gives him a look that he's pretty sure is pity and isn't that just depressing. Now he has seventeen-year-old girls pitying him - this time next year even the dogs will look down on him.
--
The restaurant is awesome and Kris is directed to a table out on the deck with an amazing view of the river. Adam would have loved it for sure and Kris's stomach tightens uneasily. He feels conspicuous sitting by himself at a table set for two and he imagines that everyone is watching him out of the corners of their eyes when the waiter comes to clear the other half of the table.
He knows that he's probably just imagining things, but he still plows through the meal and an entire bottle of wine in no time. It's more than he ever drinks and he's unsteady on his feet as he leaves the restaurant after tipping the waiter way too much. He doesn't feel better though, which he thinks is incredibly unfair. Isn't alcohol supposed to soothe a broken heart?
He wonders if maybe Adam would like him better if he had at least masturbated. When they first got to know each other Adam always talked about wanting a man with experience and jerking off would certainly be a step in the right direction for Kris. It's not experience per se, but it's more experience than he currently has.
Mind made up, he sways towards the hotel with renewed vigor. He will masturbate and then he will tell Adam all about it and Adam will be proud of him for taking matters into his own hands, so to speak. He's almost disappointed when he runs face first into Adam's chest, his forward momentum coming to an abrupt stop.
"You're drunk," Adam says instead of something nice like hello, sounding completely scandalized and Kris can't even figure out where he came from. One moment he was ambling forward, the next Adam was right there. It's like magic.
"And," Kris says, tilting his head so abruptly backwards he would have toppled over if Adam hadn't reached out to steady him. "I'm going to masturbate."
"Baby," Adam says fondly. "I doubt you'll be able to get it up."
Adam doesn't seem to be having such problems; his cock is positively huge where it's pressed against Kris's stomach. Kris on the other hand can't feel his dick, even if he's reasonably certain it's still there. Maybe Adam isn't even hard, maybe he's just that huge anyway.
"I'm mad at you," Kris says uncertainly. He still is, even if it's hard to remember exactly why with Adam holding onto his hips like that.
"I'm sorry," Adam says softly, pulling Kris a little closer. "I overreacted."
Kris mulls this over for a moment - it's hard to think with the way his head spins. "I'm sorry too," he says, letting his head tip forward to rest against Adam's shoulder. It feels like coming home. "And I'm going to jerk off and then I'll be experienced and you will want me."
It made perfect sense in his head, but said out loud it sounds kind of… pathetic, and by the way Adam's chest rumbles with his suppressed laughter, he agrees.
"Just so you know," Adam says, gently straightening Kris up to look into his eyes. "If I'd wanted you more we'd be entering the territory of creepy and illegal."
"Oh," Kris says and Adam's such a liar because Kris can so get it up.
"How about this," Adam suggests, slinging an arm around Kris's shoulders and steering him towards the hotel entrance. "We go back to our room, you sleep it off, and tomorrow night after the show we work on the whole masturbation thing together."
That sounds like the best plan Kris ever heard.
--
In the morning Kris feels as if he's been run over by an eighteen-wheeler and not even the way Adam lets him doze against his shoulder between feeding him tiny bites of a breakfast muffin can lift his spirits.
"Someone had a rough night," Tommy says gleefully, sliding into their booth with Cam and Andrew on his heels.
"Shh," Adam says, curling a protective hand over Kris's free ear.
Kris is very grateful for the way the rest of the conversation is muffled by Adam's hand and the solid pillow of his shoulder. He so doesn't want to know what they have to say. His head hurts and his stomach keeps churning uneasily. He really wishes he wasn't quite as hung over so he could fully appreciate Adam's effortless affection.
He starts to feel better around lunch time, guzzling a coke and tearing through a burger as if he hasn't seen food in days. Adam grins at him from the other side of the table and Kris smiles back stupidly, his stomach tightening with a familiar sense of helpless want instead of the unease of earlier.
"Tonight," Adam mouths, and Kris doesn't think he's gotten hard so fast in his life.
--
He doesn't remember about his family until it's almost time for the show and he looks out at the audience to find them lined up in the front row.
"Holy crap," he says, taking a step back. Somehow between last night's crazy drunkenness, this morning's wicked hangover and the cloud he's been floating on ever since, he totally forgot about dinner with his family.
"What?" Adam asks, coming up behind him.
Adam's already in his stage costume and the platform boots make him tower above Kris. Kris tilts his head back to look at him, smiling at the glittery makeup fanning his eyes and trailing down his cheeks.
"My family's here," he says.
"So?"
"I'm taking them out for dinner tonight," Kris points out.
"Yeah babe… I'm not gonna change my mind because I have to wait another night," Adam says with an affectionate smile.
Kris flushes happily, reaching out to touch Adam's hips. "I… uh… I might have promised my mom you were gonna come too," he says.
Adam blinks, licking his lips. "Uh… wow," he says.
Kris winces. "We don't have to tell them," he says quickly. "I know it's really soon, but my mom really wants to meet you and... I would really like for you to come."
"You uh…" Adam sits down hard on the stairs to the band podium. "You'd tell them? Just like that?"
"We can wait if you want to but uh… I think my mom already knows how I feel about you. I'm not the subtlest of guys."
Kris worries at his lower lip. They haven't really talked about anything yet, heck they haven't even kissed (Adam's affectionate pecks so don't count) and maybe he's trying to move things along too quickly.
"And how would that be?" Adam asks innocently, or as innocently as seven feet of man in platform boots, silver makeup and a loincloth can manage.
"You know," Kris mutters, flushing.
"Maybe, I don't," Adam says, reaching out to drag Kris forward, into the open V between his splayed legs.
Kris takes a deep breath. He's been a coward about this for too long, long enough that he almost lost Adam along the way, and if there ever was a time for bravery it's right now.
"I’m kind of crazily in love with you," he says with his exhale, too fast and garbled together. He clears his throat. "I…uh… like you," he says, painfully aware of the way his fingers tremble when they land on Adam's shoulders.
Adam stares at him. "I'm going to keep you forever," he says seriously. "I don't care if we're… sexually incompatible or whatever. You're adorable and no one else can have you."
Kris flushes. "I'm not a puppy," he points out.
"No," Adam agrees, eyes darkening. "You're mine."
Kris shivers down to his toes, his jeans suddenly way too tight. "You're not allowed to change your mind," he says weakly, the moment not even shattered by Tommy shoving his way past them to take his place on the podium.
"Believe me," Adam says softly. "I won't."
Isaac and Cam pass while they stare into each other's eyes, then the call for places gets desperate enough that Kris has to move.
"So you'll come to dinner," he says, craning his neck to look at Adam as he climbs the stairs.
"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," Adam responds, blowing Kris a kiss.
"This is going to get tired so fast," Tommy says, when Kris takes his seat. "I think I liked you better when you were clueless."
"Oh please," Cam mutters. "The pining was painful to watch."
Kris flushes, but he can't stop smiling as he slings the guitar strap over his back. Life is awesome right now.
--
Kris's parents love Adam, possibly more than they love Kris. Adam's easy charm even manages to win Daniel over and Kris totally sees his Uncle Jim making googly eyes at Adam when he thinks Kris isn't looking.
Afterwards Kris's mom pulls him to the side and gives him a long tight hug.
"I'm so happy for you, sweetie," she says.
Kris smiles and cranes his neck to look at Adam who's telling some story that has Daniel in stitches, seemingly talking more with his hands than his mouth.
"I'm happy for me too," he says dumbly.
She laughs and ruffles his hair, making him feel like he's five years old again. "See you in a month," she says, squeezing his hand hard and getting that teary-eyed mom look.
"Yeah," Kris says, distracted. He totally forgot he promised his mom to come home for a while after they finished the tour. At the time it had seemed like a better idea than finding yet another roach-infected rat-nest to live in until he figured out what to do with his life. Now he's not so sure. He misses his family and friends, but awful as it is, he's pretty sure he'll miss Adam more.
Kim chuckles as if she can read his mind. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," she says, pulling him into another hug.
"I love you, Mom," Kris murmurs into her cinnamon-scented shoulder, but secretly he doubts the scientific value of that statement.
--
They take a cab back to the hotel and with every street Kris's pulse picks up speed until it's racing fast enough to make him dizzy. Nervous would be an understatement, terrified is more like it. For all of Adam's sweet words on the subject Kris knows that Adam's used to guys with a little (or a lot) more experience and Kris hasn't even kissed anyone since he made out with Katy after senior prom, which would totally be a kind of clumsy-but-sweet memory if it wasn't for the fact that she broke the kiss after fifteen seconds to laugh so hard she cried. Three days later Kris came out to his parents. Four years later, he's barely held a guy's hand.
"Breathe," Adam murmurs, when the cab stops outside the hotel and Kris starts seeing dark spots dancing before his eyes. "I got this."
Kris isn't sure if he's talking about the sex or the cab fare, but hopefully it's both since Adam whips out his wallet and pays the cabbie before he more or less drags Kris out of the car.
"I'm serious," Adam says once they're standing on the sidewalk. "Breathe, baby. You're turning blue."
Kris nods, trying to put on his brave face, but Adam sees right through him, pulling him into a gentle hug.
"Come on," Adam says softly. "I'm not gonna pounce the moment we get through the door. We'll take it slow, I promise." He strokes a hand down Kris's rigid back. "Really slow."
Kris feels like such a loser. He's twenty-two now, not eighteen and awkward, and he actually wants to kiss Adam. He wants to kiss Adam so much he can feel it in his toes.
"Let's go inside," he says shakily, pulling out of Adam's comforting embrace.
"Okay," Adam agrees easily, reaching out to take Kris's hand.
Kris silently checks that off the list he isn't keeping and a tentative smile creeps onto his numb lips, maybe this will work out fine after all.
--
The nerves come back full force the moment they enter their room and Adam lets go of his hand. Kris thinks there must be a secret correlation between nerves and body contact and he latches on to Adam's arm, pressing his face into Adam's shoulder. It doesn't exactly make him feel better; he's pretty sure it makes him look like a dork, but Adam smells really nice and his shirt is soft against Kris's face.
"Hey," Adam says, lifting his hand to touch Kris's hair. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Kris murmurs, forcing himself to let go. "Just… nervous."
Adam smiles, reaching out to cup Kris's face in his hands. "You know when I said I wasn't going to pounce the moment we walked through the door?"
"Yeah?"
"I lied."
Their first kiss is little more than a dry press of lips, too short to be comprehended, but the look in Adam's eyes as he pulls away soft-soft and so incredibly fond is something Kris thinks he'll never forget. His heart is thrumming, beating like the wings of a humming bird, and when Adam bends down again, Kris meets him halfway, pressing their lips together.
Their second kiss is magic. Slow and slick, a little bit awkward when their noses bump and Kris doesn't know what to do with his tongue, but amazing all the same. Kris didn't even know it was possible to feel so many things all at once - happy, hot, fond, turned on, silly, hot - but he thinks he could get used to it.
"Yeah," Adam murmurs inanely when they pull apart to breathe and Kris kisses him again.
--
They end up facing each other on Kris's bed. Adam's shirt is half off and Kris's t-shirt rucked up over his stomach, jeans too tight and lips buzzing.
"Gorgeous," Adam murmurs, curling a hand around Kris's hip. "Perfect."
Kris doesn't normally think he's any of those things, but right now, caught in Adam's heated gaze, he feels like he is. He bravely touches Adam's side, where his skin is bare over his ribs, and Adam shivers inching closer to kiss Kris again.
Making out, Kris thinks, is the best thing ever.
--
Kris doesn't know how much later it is when Adam eases him out of his shirt and flicks the top button of his jeans open. It could be hours, days, as well as minutes, but somehow it doesn’t matter. He's not scared anymore; awkward and fumbling, yes, but not scared.
"How do you want to do this?" Adam murmurs, rubbing his fingers against Kris's stomach just above the waistband of his jeans.
Kris sucks in a breath and clutches at Adam's sides. "Your way," he replies breathlessly.
Adam chuckles, pressing a soft kiss to Kris's chin. "Okay baby," he whispers, bending down to tug on Kris's earlobe with his teeth. "You better hang onto something."
Kris groans and he's not even embarrassed about it, letting Adam push him down onto his back. He fists his hands into the sheets, holding on tight and Adam laughs as he kisses a path down Kris's neck.
"Good boy," he murmurs, and Kris shivers down to the bone.
Adam thumbs his jeans the rest of the way open and slides his hand in to cup Kris through his briefs. Kris sucks in a startled breath, hips twitching, and bites down hard on his lower lip.
"Mmm," Adam whispers. "So hard for me."
Kris moans helplessly when Adam squeezes him, pleasure sizzling along every nerve ending. He lifts his hips when Adam pushes his boxer briefs down, shivering when his cock curls up against his stomach, rock hard and slick with precome.
"Come on, baby," Adam says, shifting to slide one arm in under Kris's head. "I want you to watch."
Kris flushes, but he blinks his eyes open to look down at where Adam is rubbing his fingers against his hip, inches from his swollen dick.
"That's better," Adam whispers approvingly, sliding his hand down to cup Kris's balls.
"Oh," Kris gasps, hips stuttering and precome trickling from the tip of his cock. "That's…" He shifts restlessly. "Oh…"
Adam tugs lightly and Kris's hands come up to clutch at his arm, cock twitching helplessly.
"So responsive," Adam says, pressing a kiss to Kris's cheek. "So beautiful."
Kris blushes and moans, and digs his fingers hard into Adam's arm because he already feels as if he's dying, stomach damp with precome and sweat, thighs tense.
"Come on, baby," Adam murmurs hoarsely, reaching up to pull Kris's right hand from his arm. "Touch yourself… for me."
Kris presses his hand down hard on his lower abdomen, palm slipping in the puddle of precome and hips lifting. He's embarrassed and helplessly turned on, breath coming out in gasps, as he moves his hand lower, framing the base of his dick with his fingers.
"Fuck," Adam gasps, reaching down to get his own jeans open. "Jesus."
Kris watches as Adam slides his hand into his jeans, rubbing himself through his underwear, and awkwardly fists his hand around his cock.
"Yeah," Adam breathes. "Like that."
It should feel odd, being exposed like this and touching himself with Adam watching, but he just feels safe with his head in the crook of Adam's arm and Adam panting against his cheek. He's not very skilled, he supposes, but his dick has been waiting years for this and in the end it's not very hard to figure it out.
He makes noises, stupid embarrassing whimpers and moans, hand flying and hips twitching, but Adam doesn't seem to mind, murmuring encouragement into his skin.
"Fuck," Kris gasps, squeezing hard. "Adam… I'm…"
"Come on," Adam urges hoarsely.
Kris squeezes his eyes shut because he just can't look any longer, can't look at his own flushed cockhead peeking red and slick out of his fist, can't look at Adam's hand in the open V of his jeans rubbing the ridge of his erection.
"Oh," he gasps, arching up. "Shit, I'm…"
Adam's hand wraps around his, solid and sure, and just like that Kris is gone. The orgasm hits him like a freight train, curling his toes and shattering his bones, welling up in a white hot wave that feels like dying, but in a good way.
He makes noise, an unholy amount of noise, babbling and sobbing, and shuddering all over until he finally collapses back against the bed, completely spent.
"Fuck," Adam gasps against his ear and when Kris blinks his eyes open Adam's got his cock out of jeans, hand already streaked with strands of Kris's come wrapped hard around the swollen shaft.
Kris sucks in a breath and reaches down to touch, rubbing his fingers curiously over the shiny head of Adam's cock whenever it peeks out of his fist. Adam's bigger than him, quite a lot bigger, cock long, thick and gorgeous.
"Oh," Adam moans, cock pushing into Kris's hand, smearing his palm with viscous precome. "Oh."
"Are you gonna…" he asks hoarsely.
"Yeah," Adam pants. "Fuck… yeah."
Kris shivers when Adam comes, streaking his hand with thick ropes of come and moaning against his ear. If hadn't literally just come his brains out he's pretty sure he would have managed to do so again with Adam breathing heavily into his neck and cooling come all over his skin.
Adam reaches up, using his messy hand to turn Kris's head into a soft kiss. "You good?" he asks.
"Yeah," Kris murmurs, curling into Adam's heat with his entire body. "I'm okay."
Adam chuckles and presses a kiss to his brow. "Come on," he murmurs. "Let's clean up."
Kris makes a protesting noise and cuddles in closer. "Don't wanna," he says.
He doesn't want to look up and meet Adam's gaze and break the spell of orgasms and shared breaths. It's probably stupid but all of a sudden he's nervous again, because what if this was all Adam wanted? Kris might not have a lot of relationship experience but even he knows that awesome people do dickish things all the time and Adam might not feel this like he does.
"Hey," Adam says, cupping his chin. "Hey, look at me."
Kris reluctantly lets Adam raise his head, shyly meeting Adam's warm-blue gaze. "I didn't spend months courting you just to get into your pants," Adam says.
Kris flushes and smiles, intensely pleased. "Yeah?"
"Idiot," Adam grumbles, but he leans forward to him so Kris doesn't take offense. He just curls his hands around Adam's neck and lets Adam suck his tongue into his mouth and thinks, quite inanely, that he's never been happier in his life.
"I really, really like you," Adam whispers against his ear when they pull apart.
"I like you too," Kris answers and if there's already another L word floating around in his head that’s okay, because he trusts Adam to handle his heart with care.
- The End -
Author: jeyhawk
Rating: NC17
Pairing: Kris/Adam
Beta: sbb23
Word Count: ~7,500
Disclaimer: Not true. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.
Summary: Musical Tour AU. The one where Kris is almost painfully clueless but Adam wants to date him anyway.
Notes: This one is for all the people I owe charity fics. I'm sorry I suck. Please poke me. Thanks to elizaria for the title. :)
"So let me get this straight… You’ve never jerked off. Like… ever."
Kris flushes, looking down on his hands because it's way better than looking up at Adam's flabbergasted face.
"That's what I said, isn't it?" he mutters.
He's already regretting telling Adam, because it's embarrassing, okay? It's not like he never tried, but whenever he starts that story pops up in his mind and he just can't.
"I can't even imagine… I mean don't you ever get…" Adam makes a vague gesture that Kris thinks means horny, or maybe hard. It doesn't really matter because it's mortifying either way.
"Of course I do, it's just…"
Kris hazards a look to find Adam's blue eyes focused on him with that same stupefied expression stuck on Adam's face.
"Look," Kris says, carefully looking away. "I know you don't get it because you're not… religious or whatever, but I was nine and my pastor was like my hero. He wasn't talking to me, probably didn't even know I was there, but he sounded so… disapproving that when I got old enough to understand what he'd been talking about… I just couldn't."
"But you're twenty-two," Adam points out needlessly, because Kris knows very well how old he is and just how tragic his sex life, or complete lack thereof, is.
"I know," Kris exclaims exasperated.
Logically, Kris knows that he's probably confirming all of Adam's suspicions about backwards Southern Christian boys, but there's just something about Adam that always makes him over share. Maybe it's the way Adam looks at him as if he's actually interesting and not just some guy Adam got saddled to room with for the duration of the tour, or maybe it's the way Adam's smile makes his stomach flutter. It doesn't really matter, it's not like Adam, beautiful amazing Adam, will ever be interested in the lame band-guy that never even jerked off when he can easily have his pick of the main cast.
--
The thing is that Kris is pretty sure he could successfully jerk off now, he's certainly horny enough all the time, but Katy once told him that before she actually had sex she never really understood what being horny meant. Sure, she'd get excited, but it wasn't until that first time, even though it was more awkward than good, that she really understood the concept. Kris thinks that at this point the same thing can probably be applied to masturbation.
Entering the wild world of self abuse now would probably be like opening Pandora's Box and considering he's never more than half a step away from mortally embarrassing himself in front of Adam anyway, he's so not going to add loud nightly orgasms to that list. Katy laughs for fifteen minutes straight when he tells her of this obvious conclusion and then she tells him to not call her again until he's slept with Adam. She's officially the worst friend ever.
--
Adam is everyone's best friend, fluttering from one social group to the next like a restless butterfly. The production is huge, almost 100 people between the main cast, the dancers, the chorus, the band and all of the techs, but Adam knows all of them by name. Kris feels like an awkward turtle in comparison, sometimes he even forgets his own name, and no matter how often Adam tries to include him he always strays back to hang out with the band.
"The guy's gonna develop a complex with the way you keep shooting him down," Cam points out when Kris comes back to join them after another turn around the room trapped beneath Adam's arm.
Kris flushes. "It's not like that," he mutters, because it isn't. Adam's just being friendly.
"You just keep telling yourself that," Tommy says, poking Kris in the knee with the scuffed toe of his boot. "I stopped believing you right around the time Adam threw a hissy fit because they were gonna pair you up with Matt."
Cam laughs. "I almost forgot about that. I thought he was gonna have a stroke."
Kris frowns, looking across the room at where Matt has his ear glued to his phone. He likes Matt well enough, he's part of the chorus and before the entire production hit the road Kris went out for drinks with Matt and his friend Anoop a couple of times. He can't really imagine rooming with him though, and he had no idea it was ever on the table.
--
Kris brings it up that night when they're back in their hotel room after the show. Adam's removing his makeup, the bathroom door left open for easy conversation, and maybe it's the perceived distance that makes Kris brave enough to even approach the subject. He's a lot more embarrassed talking about this than he was telling Adam about his lack of masturbation habits. His mind is strange sometimes.
"So the guys told me that the powers that be were gonna pair me up with Matt," he says, hoping his tone comes off more casual than he feels.
"Yeah," Adam answers easily. "Worst idea they ever had. Matt snores something fierce, I couldn't let you room with that."
"Oh," Kris says, digging his toes into the comforter.
He doesn't know what he was hoping for really; a sudden declaration of love? Not very likely.
"Besides, you like rooming with me, right?" Adam says, poking his head out of the bathroom to look at Kris.
His makeup is half on, half off and he's absolutely adorable. "Yeah," Kris mutters, blushing hard. "I… uh… yeah."
Adam's answering smile is blinding and seemingly hardwired to Kris's dick, making his stomach tighten with hopeless want. It's completely unfair that Adam is so gorgeous. Couldn't he at least have had the decency to be average looking? With his unreal voice and amazing personality Adam is already the catch of the century, being good looking is just icing on the cake, and Kris really doesn't stand a snowball's chance in hell at winning his affection.
Besides, he's met a couple of Adam's exes, the snarky, eccentric, but super-hot Brad and the not-so-tortured artist Drake - compared to them Kris isn't even a wallflower, he's inside the stupid wall. Adam even said himself that he wants a man that knows what he wants, and Kris, who can't even manage to rub himself off, is pretty much the opposite of that.
--
With every new town they hit up Adam takes Kris out to do something fun. They've been to crazy concept restaurants, odd museums, weirdly themed amusement parks and on one memorable occasion a gay rodeo. Sometimes a few of the others tag along (like they could go to a horror-themed amusement park without Tommy), but more often than not it's just the two of them and it's fantastic.
Kris doesn't even know how Adam found half of the places they've been to, but Kris is so very grateful that he did. His life would just not be the same if he'd never eaten at Joe's Dinosaur Diner (the waiters wore T-Rex costumes), or shared an ice cream with Adam while lazily floating down the Fairy Canal (okay, the witch's forest was totally creepy but Adam hugged him the entire way through).
Behind Adam's back Kris has kept every ticket stub, receipt, pamphlet and cheesy souvenir, tucking them into a small box hidden at the bottom of his suitcase to be treasured at a time when his life is no longer effortlessly amazing. It's not even about the places, even if they were all fantastic; it's about Adam and his shameless infectious appetite for life and all it has to offer.
--
In Miami Adam wakes Kris up before dawn and takes him down to the beach where they sit huddled together watching the sun rise over the horizon. It's such a painfully perfect moment - Adam's hip against Kris's and Adam's arm warm and sure across Kris's shoulders - that he scoops a little sand into his jeans pocket before they leave and calls his mom to tell her all about it as soon as they get back to the hotel.
"He took you to the beach," she says when Kris is done talking.
"Yes," Kris says impatiently, because seriously, he just told her that.
"To show you the sunrise."
"Yes."
Kim is silent for a moment. "Just the two of you?"
"Yeah," Kris says, tucking his phone in between his ear and shoulder while he carefully transfers the sand from his pocket into a tiny Ziploc bag.
"On the beach. In the wee hours in the morning."
"Jeez, mom," Kris says, scribbling Miami on the bag and tucking it into his memory box. "You make it sound like he's shifty, or something. I can assure it was strictly hands above the covers."
Kim chuckles, sounding exasperated. "I think I have to meet this man," she says. "His patience is nothing short of admirable."
Kris laughs. "You'll meet him next week when we come to Little Rock," he says. "You'll love him, I promise."
"Of course I will," she says and Kris can almost hear her indulgent smile. "You know what? Since it's your state, maybe you should be the one to show him a good time for once."
Kris blinks. He didn't even think of that. "You don't think he'll find it… weird, like I'm asking him out on a date or something."
"Oh honey…" Kim says, trailing off. She sounds almost… disappointed. "I'm absolutely certain that he'll be thrilled. You know what, I'll get you a reservation for Brand New Restaurant on Friday night. From what you've told me, he's gonna love that place."
"Awesome," Kris says, grinning. "Thanks mom."
"Anytime, sweetie."
--
Kris is a bit nervous about asking Adam about the restaurant and the band’s reaction doesn't really help.
"Fucking finally," Tommy explodes.
"About damned time," Cam says.
"Took you long enough," Isaac points out.
"What are we talking about?" Andrew asks, dropping down into the chair next to Kris's.
"Kris is gonna ask Adam out," Chris says.
"Wow." Andrew's eyes widen. "You're actually going to put him out of his misery?"
Kris snorts and glares at each and every one of them in turn. They're all horrible friends.
"It's not a date," he huffs. "It's just… he's always the one taking me out, it’s only fair I pick up the tab for once."
Tommy rolls his eyes so hard he almost falls over. "He's been taking you out on dates, Kris. Dates. If I was him I'd have given up three months ago. You're hot but not that hot."
The others murmur their agreement, all looking at Kris as if he's a moist piece of beef at the meat market.
"Stop that," Kris mutters, raising his eyes to look at Adam across the room. "Just… look at him, okay?"
Tommy is the only one that bothers to swivel his head, but it's not like Kris doesn't know he's made out with Adam a time or two.
Adam's talking to Megan, the female lead, waving his hands around to emphasize whatever point he's making, the silver tips of his nails sparkling with the overhead lights. His long legs are hugged by jeans so tight they're indecent and his hair is teased back over his head in a perfect raven wave. Even with the distance Kris can count the freckles on his soft pink lips, maybe because he has each and every one committed to his memory, and the subtle black lining Adam's eyes make them stand out in a way that has Kris's mouth watering. Adam is perfect from the heels of his studded boots to the soft curl of his pierced ears. Six feet of glittery amazingness and it doesn't even matter that he'll never truly be Kris's because Kris would still follow him to end of the world if he could.
"Kris," Cam says kindly, reaching over to squeeze his knee. "I admit that he's hot and all, but not everyone views Adam through your rose-colored lenses. You're a good-looking guy too, and believe me, Adam is not out of your league, okay?"
Kris frowns. Sure, he knows that he's not ugly and all that working out he did over summer break actually paid off, but next to Adam he's a tragic brown little mouse in a plaid shirt.
"I'm gonna need a new shirt," he says dumbly and Allison, one of the younger cast members, leans over from the next table where she was seemingly deeply engrossed in a novel.
"I'll take you," she says gleefully and Kris kind of wishes he’d never opened his mouth.
--
Allison turns out to be kind of awesome and she's a good friend of Adam's too, which leads to a whole lot of hilarious pouting when she shows up to take Kris shopping. Adam looks almost hurt that he's not invited, but Kris tells himself he's just imagining things; there's no way Adam is that invested in Kris's wardrobe.
Seven stores later Kris almost wishes they'd invited Adam, because trying on clothes is exhausting and Allison is like a tiny, evil general.
"No," she says without even looking up when Kris models his millionth pair of jeans.
"No," the store clerk agrees, but he still leers when he catches Kris's eyes. "They should be at least a size smaller."
"Two," Allison says, because she's heartless and doesn't want Kris to breathe.
It takes eight more changes before they finally find a pair of jeans that they can all agree on. Kris wisely buys them in four different colors, because he's never putting himself through that again. Before they leave Paul, that's the clerk, slips Kris his number.
"Give me a call if things don't work out with your guy," he says, giving Kris's hip an affectionate pat.
Kris flushes, but he still drops the number into his bag. Paul is kind of cute, if you like the malnourished type, and you never know, Kris might need fashion advice again in the future.
--
Shopping for shirts turns out to be easier and all-in-all it’s only eight hours later when Kris gets back to the hotel, loaded down with bags and boxes. He doesn't think he's ever spent so much money on clothes before and he would totally be embarrassed about it if it weren’t for Adam's childish glee when faced with all the new purchases.
Kris face-plants onto his bed, leaving Adam to go through the bags on his own, his feet ache something fierce and he’s been working on a headache for three hours. Adam tears through boxes, bags and wrappings like a child on Christmas morning, carefully folding each item he reveals and stacking them on the edge of his bed. Every new find is followed by an exclamation of glee and Kris turns his head against the pillows to watch him. He never knew it was possible to get so excited over someone else's clothes.
Adam attacks the jeans bag last, dumping the contents in his lap and lifting the topmost pair to his face.
"Wow," he says, studying the price tag. "Someone went down a size."
"Two," Kris groans. "They were evil."
Adam stiffens slightly. "They?"
"Allison and Paul," Kris answers.
"Paul?" Adam asks casually. "Is that Allison's new guy?"
"No," Kris answers, flopping a hand against the covers to convey just how ridiculous that notion is. "He's gay."
"Oh," Adam says shortly, throwing the jeans onto the bed without folding them. "Do tell me more. What does he look like?"
If Kris had been a little less exhausted, he might have picked up on the change of tone, but as it is, he plows right into the trap.
"I don't know… Skinny? Blond hair… eyes."
He honestly can't remember the color of Paul's eyes. Maybe they were brown, maybe they were blue; it doesn't matter.
"Skinny. I see," Adam says tightly, throwing another pair of jeans onto the bed.
Kris frowns, finally picking up on the change of mood, just as Adam throws the last pair of jeans to the side and finds the note.
"He gave you his number?"
"Uh… yeah, but…"
Adam crumples the note between his fingers and pushes up from the floor.
"Well, why don't call him?" Adam asks meanly, throwing the balled up paper on Kris's head. "I'm sure Paul's skinny ass will be more than happy to show you a good time."
"Wha…" Kris starts, pushing himself up on his elbows, but it's too late - the door is already slamming shut behind Adam's back. Kris collapses to the bed again, grabbing the offending piece of paper and tearing into a hundred tiny pieces. He doesn't want Paul's skinny ass to show him a good time, he wants Adam to smile and ruffle his hair and look at him like he's special.
He realizes belatedly that he should probably have run after Adam, but he's hopeless at these things and he's not sure what Adam's hissy fit was even about.
--
After the Paul incident Adam avoids Kris, and it suddenly becomes amazingly obvious just how much time they were spending together before. Kris feels like a ship without an anchor, listlessly drifting between the isolated islands of people surrounding him. It hurts, because Kris doesn't really understand what he did wrong. He wasn't going to ask Paul out and it's not his fault Paul doesn't eat like a proper person.
If it weren’t for Adam's over-the-top reaction Kris would have forgotten all about Paul by now, but instead Paul is like a leech on his conscience slowly draining his will to live. Kris doesn't know how to exist without his daily dose of Adam; everything is dull and boring and stupid, and if the damned show didn't have to go on he would have crawled into bed and pulled the covers over his head days ago.
It's pure torture to watch Adam kill it on stage every night from the band's elevated podium - larger than life and brighter than the sun - he owns the very tiles he walks on, weaving the tale of love and violent passion that Kris has seen so many times before but that Adam still manages to reinvent every night with his sheer presence.
Before Kris knows it it's Friday morning and he drags himself bleary-eyed and listless onto the bus that'll take them to Little Rock after yet another sleepless night wondering where Adam is, or isn't, sleeping. Just like the last bus ride Adam's already in his seat, iPod earphones firmly plugged in and his head stubbornly turned towards the window. Kris ignores him, collapsing into his own seat and squeezing his eyes shut. It's easier to breathe with Adam right there, warm and solid against his side, easier and infinitely more painful.
He's acutely aware of the other people piling on to the bus, the seats around them filling up with friends and foes in a familiar noisy scuffle. He hears Gokey complain about something and Matt's rumble of protest, Allison's laugh and Tommy telling her to shut up. Isaac tapping his fingers against the seatback like he always does and then his surprised squeal when Cam tickles him to make it stop. It's achingly familiar and suddenly it hits Kris with a pang that they're on the last leg of the tour. One more month of this and they'll all be going their separate ways. There are rumors of an international tour with the musical being an unexpected smash hit, but there's no guarantee they'll all be back.
"You look like shit."
It takes Kris a moment to realize that Adam's even speaking to him. It's the first time in five days that Adam as much as looked in his direction, which is quite a feat considering their usual cramped locations.
"Like you care," Kris retorts without opening his eyes.
He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't want to do anything. He wants to curl up into a tiny little ball of misery and bawl his eyes out because he managed to screw everything up and he's going to miss everyone so much.
"Hey," Adam says softly, nudging his knee. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine," Kris says tightly, trying to not think about the fact that in eight hours give or take they have reservations for a fancy restaurant and the way things are going Kris will have to go by himself and sit there like an idiot that got stood up.
"Fine," Adam says just as tightly, and when Kris hazards a look he's staring out the window again.
Kris's life sucks.
--
That evening Kris puts on a brand new outfit, a pair of dark grey jeans that could seriously be painted on and a figure hugging black shirt. He musses his hair up the way Adam taught him and stares blearily at his pale reflection in the mirror. He doesn't look like he's going on a date; he looks like he's heading for the gallows.
Adam's bags are in a neat stack by the empty bed, but so far he hasn't been back to the room. Kris knows that when he comes back from dinner, one of the bags will be missing and the sink will not be loaded down with Adam's usual clutter. He never thought it was possible to miss the mess of makeup, skincare products and hair stuff that's usually all over the bathroom, but the sink looks depressingly empty without it, pristine and clean without powder lines and dark smudges.
With one last sigh, he turns the bathroom lights off and heads for the door. It's hard to say who's more surprised when he opens the door to find Adam standing right there. They both take a step back and the door almost drops shut before Adam reaches out to catch it.
"Going out?" Adam asks, nostrils flaring slightly as he takes in Kris's outfit.
"And?" Kris retorts, he's unreasonably pissed with Adam for ruining their date when Kris never actually asked him.
"Nothing," Adam says tightly, pulling the door open wider.
Kris brushes past him with a cold lump in his stomach. "Look," he starts, turning on his heel and saying a quick prayer for courage because some habits die hard. "I was…"
"What?" Adam asks, impatiently, already half way through the door. "I don't have all night."
"Oh." Kris bites down hard on his lower lip. "Well, fuck you."
He doesn't want Adam to come on the stupid date anyway. He'll have more fun on his own.
"Have fun with your skinny boyfriend," Adam shouts as Kris takes off down the corridor. "And fuck you too."
--
Kris runs into Allison in the lobby. She takes one look at his face and pulls him into a hug.
"Don't go," she says softly. "You'll just be miserable."
"I'll be miserable here too," Kris mutters. "At least there I'll be miserable with food."
She releases her strangle-hold of his neck and he straightens up.
"You wanna come?" he asks.
She chuckles and shakes her head, reaching out to straighten the collar of his shirt.
"I promised mom I'd stay in," she says with a grimace. "But you should have fun."
"Yeah," Kris says, trying for a smile. "Fun, fun, fun."
Allison gives him a look that he's pretty sure is pity and isn't that just depressing. Now he has seventeen-year-old girls pitying him - this time next year even the dogs will look down on him.
--
The restaurant is awesome and Kris is directed to a table out on the deck with an amazing view of the river. Adam would have loved it for sure and Kris's stomach tightens uneasily. He feels conspicuous sitting by himself at a table set for two and he imagines that everyone is watching him out of the corners of their eyes when the waiter comes to clear the other half of the table.
He knows that he's probably just imagining things, but he still plows through the meal and an entire bottle of wine in no time. It's more than he ever drinks and he's unsteady on his feet as he leaves the restaurant after tipping the waiter way too much. He doesn't feel better though, which he thinks is incredibly unfair. Isn't alcohol supposed to soothe a broken heart?
He wonders if maybe Adam would like him better if he had at least masturbated. When they first got to know each other Adam always talked about wanting a man with experience and jerking off would certainly be a step in the right direction for Kris. It's not experience per se, but it's more experience than he currently has.
Mind made up, he sways towards the hotel with renewed vigor. He will masturbate and then he will tell Adam all about it and Adam will be proud of him for taking matters into his own hands, so to speak. He's almost disappointed when he runs face first into Adam's chest, his forward momentum coming to an abrupt stop.
"You're drunk," Adam says instead of something nice like hello, sounding completely scandalized and Kris can't even figure out where he came from. One moment he was ambling forward, the next Adam was right there. It's like magic.
"And," Kris says, tilting his head so abruptly backwards he would have toppled over if Adam hadn't reached out to steady him. "I'm going to masturbate."
"Baby," Adam says fondly. "I doubt you'll be able to get it up."
Adam doesn't seem to be having such problems; his cock is positively huge where it's pressed against Kris's stomach. Kris on the other hand can't feel his dick, even if he's reasonably certain it's still there. Maybe Adam isn't even hard, maybe he's just that huge anyway.
"I'm mad at you," Kris says uncertainly. He still is, even if it's hard to remember exactly why with Adam holding onto his hips like that.
"I'm sorry," Adam says softly, pulling Kris a little closer. "I overreacted."
Kris mulls this over for a moment - it's hard to think with the way his head spins. "I'm sorry too," he says, letting his head tip forward to rest against Adam's shoulder. It feels like coming home. "And I'm going to jerk off and then I'll be experienced and you will want me."
It made perfect sense in his head, but said out loud it sounds kind of… pathetic, and by the way Adam's chest rumbles with his suppressed laughter, he agrees.
"Just so you know," Adam says, gently straightening Kris up to look into his eyes. "If I'd wanted you more we'd be entering the territory of creepy and illegal."
"Oh," Kris says and Adam's such a liar because Kris can so get it up.
"How about this," Adam suggests, slinging an arm around Kris's shoulders and steering him towards the hotel entrance. "We go back to our room, you sleep it off, and tomorrow night after the show we work on the whole masturbation thing together."
That sounds like the best plan Kris ever heard.
--
In the morning Kris feels as if he's been run over by an eighteen-wheeler and not even the way Adam lets him doze against his shoulder between feeding him tiny bites of a breakfast muffin can lift his spirits.
"Someone had a rough night," Tommy says gleefully, sliding into their booth with Cam and Andrew on his heels.
"Shh," Adam says, curling a protective hand over Kris's free ear.
Kris is very grateful for the way the rest of the conversation is muffled by Adam's hand and the solid pillow of his shoulder. He so doesn't want to know what they have to say. His head hurts and his stomach keeps churning uneasily. He really wishes he wasn't quite as hung over so he could fully appreciate Adam's effortless affection.
He starts to feel better around lunch time, guzzling a coke and tearing through a burger as if he hasn't seen food in days. Adam grins at him from the other side of the table and Kris smiles back stupidly, his stomach tightening with a familiar sense of helpless want instead of the unease of earlier.
"Tonight," Adam mouths, and Kris doesn't think he's gotten hard so fast in his life.
--
He doesn't remember about his family until it's almost time for the show and he looks out at the audience to find them lined up in the front row.
"Holy crap," he says, taking a step back. Somehow between last night's crazy drunkenness, this morning's wicked hangover and the cloud he's been floating on ever since, he totally forgot about dinner with his family.
"What?" Adam asks, coming up behind him.
Adam's already in his stage costume and the platform boots make him tower above Kris. Kris tilts his head back to look at him, smiling at the glittery makeup fanning his eyes and trailing down his cheeks.
"My family's here," he says.
"So?"
"I'm taking them out for dinner tonight," Kris points out.
"Yeah babe… I'm not gonna change my mind because I have to wait another night," Adam says with an affectionate smile.
Kris flushes happily, reaching out to touch Adam's hips. "I… uh… I might have promised my mom you were gonna come too," he says.
Adam blinks, licking his lips. "Uh… wow," he says.
Kris winces. "We don't have to tell them," he says quickly. "I know it's really soon, but my mom really wants to meet you and... I would really like for you to come."
"You uh…" Adam sits down hard on the stairs to the band podium. "You'd tell them? Just like that?"
"We can wait if you want to but uh… I think my mom already knows how I feel about you. I'm not the subtlest of guys."
Kris worries at his lower lip. They haven't really talked about anything yet, heck they haven't even kissed (Adam's affectionate pecks so don't count) and maybe he's trying to move things along too quickly.
"And how would that be?" Adam asks innocently, or as innocently as seven feet of man in platform boots, silver makeup and a loincloth can manage.
"You know," Kris mutters, flushing.
"Maybe, I don't," Adam says, reaching out to drag Kris forward, into the open V between his splayed legs.
Kris takes a deep breath. He's been a coward about this for too long, long enough that he almost lost Adam along the way, and if there ever was a time for bravery it's right now.
"I’m kind of crazily in love with you," he says with his exhale, too fast and garbled together. He clears his throat. "I…uh… like you," he says, painfully aware of the way his fingers tremble when they land on Adam's shoulders.
Adam stares at him. "I'm going to keep you forever," he says seriously. "I don't care if we're… sexually incompatible or whatever. You're adorable and no one else can have you."
Kris flushes. "I'm not a puppy," he points out.
"No," Adam agrees, eyes darkening. "You're mine."
Kris shivers down to his toes, his jeans suddenly way too tight. "You're not allowed to change your mind," he says weakly, the moment not even shattered by Tommy shoving his way past them to take his place on the podium.
"Believe me," Adam says softly. "I won't."
Isaac and Cam pass while they stare into each other's eyes, then the call for places gets desperate enough that Kris has to move.
"So you'll come to dinner," he says, craning his neck to look at Adam as he climbs the stairs.
"Wild horses couldn't keep me away," Adam responds, blowing Kris a kiss.
"This is going to get tired so fast," Tommy says, when Kris takes his seat. "I think I liked you better when you were clueless."
"Oh please," Cam mutters. "The pining was painful to watch."
Kris flushes, but he can't stop smiling as he slings the guitar strap over his back. Life is awesome right now.
--
Kris's parents love Adam, possibly more than they love Kris. Adam's easy charm even manages to win Daniel over and Kris totally sees his Uncle Jim making googly eyes at Adam when he thinks Kris isn't looking.
Afterwards Kris's mom pulls him to the side and gives him a long tight hug.
"I'm so happy for you, sweetie," she says.
Kris smiles and cranes his neck to look at Adam who's telling some story that has Daniel in stitches, seemingly talking more with his hands than his mouth.
"I'm happy for me too," he says dumbly.
She laughs and ruffles his hair, making him feel like he's five years old again. "See you in a month," she says, squeezing his hand hard and getting that teary-eyed mom look.
"Yeah," Kris says, distracted. He totally forgot he promised his mom to come home for a while after they finished the tour. At the time it had seemed like a better idea than finding yet another roach-infected rat-nest to live in until he figured out what to do with his life. Now he's not so sure. He misses his family and friends, but awful as it is, he's pretty sure he'll miss Adam more.
Kim chuckles as if she can read his mind. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder," she says, pulling him into another hug.
"I love you, Mom," Kris murmurs into her cinnamon-scented shoulder, but secretly he doubts the scientific value of that statement.
--
They take a cab back to the hotel and with every street Kris's pulse picks up speed until it's racing fast enough to make him dizzy. Nervous would be an understatement, terrified is more like it. For all of Adam's sweet words on the subject Kris knows that Adam's used to guys with a little (or a lot) more experience and Kris hasn't even kissed anyone since he made out with Katy after senior prom, which would totally be a kind of clumsy-but-sweet memory if it wasn't for the fact that she broke the kiss after fifteen seconds to laugh so hard she cried. Three days later Kris came out to his parents. Four years later, he's barely held a guy's hand.
"Breathe," Adam murmurs, when the cab stops outside the hotel and Kris starts seeing dark spots dancing before his eyes. "I got this."
Kris isn't sure if he's talking about the sex or the cab fare, but hopefully it's both since Adam whips out his wallet and pays the cabbie before he more or less drags Kris out of the car.
"I'm serious," Adam says once they're standing on the sidewalk. "Breathe, baby. You're turning blue."
Kris nods, trying to put on his brave face, but Adam sees right through him, pulling him into a gentle hug.
"Come on," Adam says softly. "I'm not gonna pounce the moment we get through the door. We'll take it slow, I promise." He strokes a hand down Kris's rigid back. "Really slow."
Kris feels like such a loser. He's twenty-two now, not eighteen and awkward, and he actually wants to kiss Adam. He wants to kiss Adam so much he can feel it in his toes.
"Let's go inside," he says shakily, pulling out of Adam's comforting embrace.
"Okay," Adam agrees easily, reaching out to take Kris's hand.
Kris silently checks that off the list he isn't keeping and a tentative smile creeps onto his numb lips, maybe this will work out fine after all.
--
The nerves come back full force the moment they enter their room and Adam lets go of his hand. Kris thinks there must be a secret correlation between nerves and body contact and he latches on to Adam's arm, pressing his face into Adam's shoulder. It doesn't exactly make him feel better; he's pretty sure it makes him look like a dork, but Adam smells really nice and his shirt is soft against Kris's face.
"Hey," Adam says, lifting his hand to touch Kris's hair. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah," Kris murmurs, forcing himself to let go. "Just… nervous."
Adam smiles, reaching out to cup Kris's face in his hands. "You know when I said I wasn't going to pounce the moment we walked through the door?"
"Yeah?"
"I lied."
Their first kiss is little more than a dry press of lips, too short to be comprehended, but the look in Adam's eyes as he pulls away soft-soft and so incredibly fond is something Kris thinks he'll never forget. His heart is thrumming, beating like the wings of a humming bird, and when Adam bends down again, Kris meets him halfway, pressing their lips together.
Their second kiss is magic. Slow and slick, a little bit awkward when their noses bump and Kris doesn't know what to do with his tongue, but amazing all the same. Kris didn't even know it was possible to feel so many things all at once - happy, hot, fond, turned on, silly, hot - but he thinks he could get used to it.
"Yeah," Adam murmurs inanely when they pull apart to breathe and Kris kisses him again.
--
They end up facing each other on Kris's bed. Adam's shirt is half off and Kris's t-shirt rucked up over his stomach, jeans too tight and lips buzzing.
"Gorgeous," Adam murmurs, curling a hand around Kris's hip. "Perfect."
Kris doesn't normally think he's any of those things, but right now, caught in Adam's heated gaze, he feels like he is. He bravely touches Adam's side, where his skin is bare over his ribs, and Adam shivers inching closer to kiss Kris again.
Making out, Kris thinks, is the best thing ever.
--
Kris doesn't know how much later it is when Adam eases him out of his shirt and flicks the top button of his jeans open. It could be hours, days, as well as minutes, but somehow it doesn’t matter. He's not scared anymore; awkward and fumbling, yes, but not scared.
"How do you want to do this?" Adam murmurs, rubbing his fingers against Kris's stomach just above the waistband of his jeans.
Kris sucks in a breath and clutches at Adam's sides. "Your way," he replies breathlessly.
Adam chuckles, pressing a soft kiss to Kris's chin. "Okay baby," he whispers, bending down to tug on Kris's earlobe with his teeth. "You better hang onto something."
Kris groans and he's not even embarrassed about it, letting Adam push him down onto his back. He fists his hands into the sheets, holding on tight and Adam laughs as he kisses a path down Kris's neck.
"Good boy," he murmurs, and Kris shivers down to the bone.
Adam thumbs his jeans the rest of the way open and slides his hand in to cup Kris through his briefs. Kris sucks in a startled breath, hips twitching, and bites down hard on his lower lip.
"Mmm," Adam whispers. "So hard for me."
Kris moans helplessly when Adam squeezes him, pleasure sizzling along every nerve ending. He lifts his hips when Adam pushes his boxer briefs down, shivering when his cock curls up against his stomach, rock hard and slick with precome.
"Come on, baby," Adam says, shifting to slide one arm in under Kris's head. "I want you to watch."
Kris flushes, but he blinks his eyes open to look down at where Adam is rubbing his fingers against his hip, inches from his swollen dick.
"That's better," Adam whispers approvingly, sliding his hand down to cup Kris's balls.
"Oh," Kris gasps, hips stuttering and precome trickling from the tip of his cock. "That's…" He shifts restlessly. "Oh…"
Adam tugs lightly and Kris's hands come up to clutch at his arm, cock twitching helplessly.
"So responsive," Adam says, pressing a kiss to Kris's cheek. "So beautiful."
Kris blushes and moans, and digs his fingers hard into Adam's arm because he already feels as if he's dying, stomach damp with precome and sweat, thighs tense.
"Come on, baby," Adam murmurs hoarsely, reaching up to pull Kris's right hand from his arm. "Touch yourself… for me."
Kris presses his hand down hard on his lower abdomen, palm slipping in the puddle of precome and hips lifting. He's embarrassed and helplessly turned on, breath coming out in gasps, as he moves his hand lower, framing the base of his dick with his fingers.
"Fuck," Adam gasps, reaching down to get his own jeans open. "Jesus."
Kris watches as Adam slides his hand into his jeans, rubbing himself through his underwear, and awkwardly fists his hand around his cock.
"Yeah," Adam breathes. "Like that."
It should feel odd, being exposed like this and touching himself with Adam watching, but he just feels safe with his head in the crook of Adam's arm and Adam panting against his cheek. He's not very skilled, he supposes, but his dick has been waiting years for this and in the end it's not very hard to figure it out.
He makes noises, stupid embarrassing whimpers and moans, hand flying and hips twitching, but Adam doesn't seem to mind, murmuring encouragement into his skin.
"Fuck," Kris gasps, squeezing hard. "Adam… I'm…"
"Come on," Adam urges hoarsely.
Kris squeezes his eyes shut because he just can't look any longer, can't look at his own flushed cockhead peeking red and slick out of his fist, can't look at Adam's hand in the open V of his jeans rubbing the ridge of his erection.
"Oh," he gasps, arching up. "Shit, I'm…"
Adam's hand wraps around his, solid and sure, and just like that Kris is gone. The orgasm hits him like a freight train, curling his toes and shattering his bones, welling up in a white hot wave that feels like dying, but in a good way.
He makes noise, an unholy amount of noise, babbling and sobbing, and shuddering all over until he finally collapses back against the bed, completely spent.
"Fuck," Adam gasps against his ear and when Kris blinks his eyes open Adam's got his cock out of jeans, hand already streaked with strands of Kris's come wrapped hard around the swollen shaft.
Kris sucks in a breath and reaches down to touch, rubbing his fingers curiously over the shiny head of Adam's cock whenever it peeks out of his fist. Adam's bigger than him, quite a lot bigger, cock long, thick and gorgeous.
"Oh," Adam moans, cock pushing into Kris's hand, smearing his palm with viscous precome. "Oh."
"Are you gonna…" he asks hoarsely.
"Yeah," Adam pants. "Fuck… yeah."
Kris shivers when Adam comes, streaking his hand with thick ropes of come and moaning against his ear. If hadn't literally just come his brains out he's pretty sure he would have managed to do so again with Adam breathing heavily into his neck and cooling come all over his skin.
Adam reaches up, using his messy hand to turn Kris's head into a soft kiss. "You good?" he asks.
"Yeah," Kris murmurs, curling into Adam's heat with his entire body. "I'm okay."
Adam chuckles and presses a kiss to his brow. "Come on," he murmurs. "Let's clean up."
Kris makes a protesting noise and cuddles in closer. "Don't wanna," he says.
He doesn't want to look up and meet Adam's gaze and break the spell of orgasms and shared breaths. It's probably stupid but all of a sudden he's nervous again, because what if this was all Adam wanted? Kris might not have a lot of relationship experience but even he knows that awesome people do dickish things all the time and Adam might not feel this like he does.
"Hey," Adam says, cupping his chin. "Hey, look at me."
Kris reluctantly lets Adam raise his head, shyly meeting Adam's warm-blue gaze. "I didn't spend months courting you just to get into your pants," Adam says.
Kris flushes and smiles, intensely pleased. "Yeah?"
"Idiot," Adam grumbles, but he leans forward to him so Kris doesn't take offense. He just curls his hands around Adam's neck and lets Adam suck his tongue into his mouth and thinks, quite inanely, that he's never been happier in his life.
"I really, really like you," Adam whispers against his ear when they pull apart.
"I like you too," Kris answers and if there's already another L word floating around in his head that’s okay, because he trusts Adam to handle his heart with care.
- The End -