Fated - Kradam - NC17
Back to Part One
*
Kris decides to walk home, he needs to clear his head and though the streets certainly aren't deserted, the crowd is thinner than during the day, making for a pretty smooth walk. A couple of blocks from Adam's place he comes across a corner shop with the peculiar name Songs, Books and Coffee and stops to look at the display that holds a gorgeous blue guitar and at least three books that he's been meaning to read. He's just about to leave when the door opens spilling out a girl with tousled blonde hair and tattoos crawling up her bare arms.
"Fuck you," she spits over her shoulder and takes off down the street.
Kris is still looking after her in bewildered fascination when the door opens again to reveal an older woman with grey hair collected into a messy bun at the back of her head. She looks tired and when she fumbles a cigarette package out of one of the pockets of her voluminous cardigan Kris notices she's got one of her arms in a cast.
"Don't ever have children," she tells Kris, sitting down heavily on the steps leading up to the door. "They'll only bring you heartache."
Her voice is deep and raspy, like she's had one too many of the cigarettes she's just lighting. Kris gives her a nervous smile and stuffs his hands into his pockets, suddenly all too aware of his disheveled look.
"Your daughter?" he guesses, looking down the street where the blonde girl disappeared.
She snorts and shakes her head. "No, just another one of the girls my son fucked around with and then left high and dry. I told him to stay away from the help, but…" She sighs and takes another drag from the cigarette, blowing the smoke out to billow around her head.
"I don't suppose you sing?" she asks, giving Kris a look out of the corner of her eye.
"Uhm…" Kris rubs a hand over his face. "Yeah… I do."
She turns her head to give Kris a more straightforward look, letting her eyes slide from his scuffed sneakers to his face and then back again. He hopes he just imagines her eyes lingering at his crotch, but his cheeks catch fire nonetheless.
"Can you play any instruments?"
"Yeah, guitar, piano and uhm… viola." Kris scuffs his feet because he's not sure where this conversation is going.
Her eyes narrow in speculation. "Do you know how to operate a cash register?"
"Yeah," Kris says, even though honestly, it's been a while.
"You're hired," she says, holding out her hand for him to shake. He just stares at it. "You are looking for a job right? You have that half-starved struggling musician air about you," she continues.
Kris swallows and takes her hand, shaking it firmly. "Yeah," he says with half a smile. "I am."
"I'm Hannah," she says, getting up from her perch and throwing the still glowing cigarette on the sidewalk. "I really only have two rules, do as I say and don't fuck around with my son."
Kris flushes, wondering if his new preferences are written all over his face. "I'm Kris Allen," he says, feeling lame and out of his depth. He's been looking for a job forever and now one just falls on his lap. It sounds too good to be true.
"Kris Allen." She purses her mouth. "I like it. Now you should go home, have a shower and a few hours of sleep. Be back here at four with your guitar and a smile on your face. Sound good?"
"Yeah," Kris nods. "Yeah, it does."
"We'll discuss the details when you get here," she says, obviously dismissing him. "Don't be late."
"I won't," Kris says, but his words hit the door as it closes behind her. He's not sure what just happened, but it seems that maybe he has a job now. He can't wait to tell Tommy.
*
It's not until Kris is outside the door to their apartment complex that he remembers he doesn't have any keys and also that he was supposed to meet up with Tommy last night. With a sense of foreboding he fishes his phone out of his bag only to find the battery had died at some point during the night.
"Shit," he curses under his breath, stuffing the phone back into his bag.
The door to the complex opens to reveal sourly Mrs. Biedermann and her four pugs. The pugs yip at him and Mrs. Biedermann gives him the stink eye, but he manages to catch the door before it falls closed behind her. The stairwell smells like sauerkraut, and on the third floor someone put out something that looks like a creepy shrine to Santa Claus on the landing. Kris frowns at it and takes the next set of stairs two at a time.
The door to their apartment is locked but it takes about five seconds for Tommy to open the door.
"Where the fuck have you been?" he asks, eyes narrow and nostrils flared. "I've been worried, you fucker." He looks Kris up and down and does a double take. "Are you wearing eyeliner?"
Kris scrubs a hand over his face flushing. "Uh… yeah."
Tommy blinks and steps aside to let Kris in. He still looks pissed, but it seems curiosity is winning out over anger. "You're going to tell me everything, and then I'll think about forgiving you, okay? If I don't have sleepless nights over hot chicks, I certainly don't want to be having them over you."
Kris feels like shit. He should have thought to call Tommy, or text him, or whatever. They've been living together for months and despite their differences he actually thinks of their friendship as one of the few good things that has happened to him since he came to LA.
Once they're in the living room Tommy flops down on the beat-up couch and folds his arms over his chest. It would probably look intimidating if he wasn't wearing a leopard print shirt and didn't have his stupid bangs hanging over his face. Kris feels intimidated anyway, he doesn't like letting people down.
"Spill," Tommy says, raising his chin expectantly.
Kris does. He stutters and blushes and glosses over the intimate details, but he tells Tommy everything from meeting Adam in the alley to Hannah offering him a job. Tommy keeps watching him throughout, but his chin keeps dropping further and further down.
When Kris finally finishes Tommy just stares at him in slack-jawed surprise. "So let me get this straight," Tommy says, licking his lips. "You had sex with Adam Lambert. You."
Kris doesn't admit he didn't actually know Adam's last name, he just nods.
"With Adam Lambert. The Adam Lambert."
Kris is beginning to feel like he's missing a vital part in the Adam puzzle. "Uh… yeah."
Tommy shakes his head and laughs. "That's just… Wow."
Kris swallows looking down on his feet. "Why?" he asks, voice smaller than it should be. "I mean… why wouldn't he have sex with me?"
Tommy shrugs, looking Kris up and down. "No reason, really. It's just he's been on some celibacy kick lately, says it helps with his focus, or something. Personally I think he just had a bad break up over in Europe and that that's why he came home."
"Europe?" Kris asks, because this is getting extremely strange.
Tommy laughs again. "You really didn't talk a lot, did you? Adam's huge in Europe, they think he's like the second coming or some shit. He's starting to hit it here as well; guess America's finally ready for someone like him."
Kris frowns. "Hit it as what?"
Tommy looks at Kris like he's from another planet. "As a singer," he says, blinking a couple of times. "You mean you spent the entire night together and you didn't once think to ask what he did?"
Kris shakes his head slowly, pretty sure that he never brought it up because he didn't want to answer the inevitable follow up question.
"That must have been some sex," Tommy says, giving Kris a curious look. "So… Are you going to see him again?"
Kris shrugs. "Whatever happens happens," he says vaguely, avoiding Tommy's eyes.
"You snuck out, didn't you?" Tommy actually sounds scandalized and Kris makes himself look up again. He's pretty sure this morning will never go down in the book as one of his proudest hours and the look on Tommy's face is enough to make him cringe.
"It's just…" Kris makes a sweeping hand gesture that encompasses Tommy, the beat-up couch and the faded wall paper. "It would never work anyway."
Tommy looks around as if Kris is trying to point out something specific and shrugs. "So you live in a dump and he doesn't. What does that have to do with anything?"
"Nothing… I don't know, okay? I never meant for last night to happen and now I'm just… Never mind. I'm going to bed."
Tommy doesn't try to stop him when Kris heads towards his room and Kris heaves a sigh of relief when the door closes behind him. His bed doesn't exactly look inviting after a night spent in Adam's, but he face plants onto it, still fully dressed. He just needs to sort everything out in his head and then things'll be alright.
*
Kris doesn't exactly forget about Adam in the next two weeks, but he doesn't have time to think about him all that much. His new job at Songs, Books and Coffee keeps him busy. The pay isn't great but it's one step up from minimum wage and he really likes Hannah. Besides, what's not to like about a job where he gets to sing and play his guitar all day and the coffee is on the house?
He also hits it off with Hannah's son Matt, though thankfully not in a remotely sexual way, and Matt actually helps him get a second job at a piano bar where Matt himself plays sometimes. It's boring as fuck, the job doesn't require him to sing, so he just runs his fingers over the keys until his joints ache with it, but the owner's pretty cool and doesn't mind if Kris stays around sometimes after the place has closed to work on some songs. All he has back at the apartment is a beat up travel keyboard and it's not the same as a real piano.
Tommy is out of town for a job and will head directly home afterwards without passing through LA. It's the first time since Kris moved to LA that he's had the apartment to himself for more than a couple of days and it seems surprisingly empty. This is probably the reason he actually thinks more about Adam instead of less, the more time passes.
It doesn't help that Tommy calls him one night after Kris gets home from work at the bar to tell him that Adam's looking for him.
"Looking for me how?" Kris asks, resting his head back against the pillows. He was almost asleep when Tommy called, but he feels wide awake now.
"Monte says Adam's been asking around The Basement for you. Apparently he remembers that you were looking for your roommate in there."
"Oh," Kris says, and it's kind of awkward that he finds himself getting hard.
"Just wanted to give you a heads up in case you really don’t want to be found," Tommy says, but Kris is pretty sure he doesn't mean it at all. "Adam's a pretty determined guy."
"Oh," Kris says again, because he doesn't know how to respond to that. He wonders if Tommy already told Adam where Kris can be found. He’s the meddling type, Kris can tell. "Did you…"
"No," Tommy says. "I thought about it but, you know, it's Christmas."
He laughs and Kris finds himself smiling at the sound. He really kind of misses Tommy.
"Well, thanks for the heads up," Kris says.
"Just one more thing," Tommy says quickly. "I really think you should consider letting yourself be found. Adam's one of the sweetest guys I know and… he might look the part of the bad boy, but he's really not like that at all."
"I'm not looking for a relationship," Kris says, but the phrase sounds empty. He's repeated it too many times for it to hold any kind of meaning.
"Maybe the relationship is looking for you," Tommy says and it doesn't make sense at all, yet it sounds exactly like the truth.
Kris isn't the type of guy to need a relationship to feel validated, but he does thrive on human contact, and if he's honest with himself he has been feeling better about everything since his tryst with Adam. He says goodbye to Tommy with unruly thoughts buzzing through his head. He can't quite wrap his mind around the fact that Adam's looking for him.
He doesn't consider his night with Adam a mistake. How could it be when they fit together so perfectly? He let Adam see him at his most vulnerable and he knows he'd do it again in a heartbeat. He even told his mom about Adam, in very vague terms, because even if it was just one night it felt important enough that he wanted his mother to know, and doesn't that speak volumes about how he really feels.
Kris is very good at lying to himself, which is ironic because he sucks at lying to everyone else. He does want a relationship, he does want to have someone special in his life, he does want to fall in love, he just doesn't feel worthy of all these things. He has nothing to offer but himself and he has a hard time seeing how that would ever be enough. It takes a long time before he manages to fall asleep, but in the morning he has all but forgotten about his conversation with Tommy.
He's abruptly reminded though when he gets into work and notices a new sign on the message board. The message board is a huge thing, over six feet wide and three feet high, with the frame painted a bright red. It's always full to the brim with notes of various kinds. There are a lot of poems, and strands of song lyrics interspersed with notes from people looking for missing things, or for the title of a half-forgotten book, and it reads a whole lot like an ongoing conversation with many participants.
The new note though, pinned to the center of the board with a green pin shaped like a reindeer, makes Kris's breath get stuck in his throat. It's from Adam and it's about him.
Chris (of course Adam spelled his name wrong), I know we never really had time to get to know each other, but I think about you all the time. You were looking for your roommate that night, but you found me instead and I think you took a part of me with you when you left. Please, please, please just give me a chance. /Adam
There's a tiny picture of Adam next to his name, as if Kris would have forgotten his face, and Kris reaches out to touch it with a trembling fingertip. His heart is beating so hard against his ribcage that he's afraid it might jump right out of his chest. There's no contact info, but of course Kris knows where to find Adam if he wants to.
"Sweet, isn't it?"
Matt nearly startles Kris out of his skin and he jumps around to face him with a flush creeping up his cheeks.
"The guy must have spent a fortune on paper, because I've seen them all over town today."
"Really?" Kris realizes belatedly that he should have shut up because it comes out as a high pitched squeak.
"Yeah, they're everywh… Kris?" Matt's eyes strays to the note and then back to Kris. "Kris?"
Kris licks his lips." Yeah… uhm… yeah." He blushes even brighter admitting it, but there's also a surprising rush of warmth through his chest.
"Oh my God," Matt says and his eyes gets comically wide. "Well, what the fuck are you waiting for? He’s that guy you talk about all the time, right?"
"I don't…" Kris does a quick rewind of his previous conversations with Matt and makes a face. "Yeah."
"Then what are you waiting for?"
Kris blinks a couple of time, jostling the guitar case in his hand. "I'm working," he says and also he's chicken. He's pretty sure that whatever romantic notions Adam has about him, he can't live up to them.
"I'll cover your shift," Matt says quickly.
"But…"
"No, buts… Come on, the guy's looking all over for you."
"Oh, you're Chris." It's one of the regulars, a pretty girl with long blonde hair that Kris might have thought about hooking up with if his mind hadn’t been preoccupied with Adam.
"Uh…" Kris says, realizing they're gathering quite a crowd of gawkers.
"I saw him put the note up," someone in the crowd says. "He's dreamy."
If Kris thought gay sex was embarrassing, it's nothing compared to this. His cheeks are flaming red and he's pretty sure the blush stretches to his thighs. He doesn't mind being the center of attention when he's on stage, but this is something else all together. Matt barks out a laugh and clasps his shoulder.
"Happy coming out," he says.
Kris blushes even more. This is torture. When he finds Adam, he will kill him. Matt reaches out and takes the guitar case from Kris's limp fingers.
"I'll keep it safe for you," he says.
Kris licks his lips and avoids looking at the expectant faces all around him. He knows where Adam lives, but he doubts it's the kind of place you can just walk into and he doesn't even have Adam's phone number. Matt's still staring at him like he expects some kind of answer so finally Kris nods. No matter what may come of it, he kind of owes it to Adam to find him when Adam went to all this trouble.
"Yay," Matt says and their onlookers actually clap their hands, so of course Hannah comes to see what the fuss is about.
"What's going on?" she asks, looking from a miserably blushing Kris, to the beaming Matt and back again. "You're not dating are you?"
Matt barks out a laugh. "I'm straight, mom."
She snorts and looks at Kris. "Well, are you?"
Kris has to smile at that, shaking his head. He makes a vague gesture to the board and the note. "That's what we're talking about," he says.
"Isn't it romantic?" the blonde girl pipes up, and Kris can actually see the hearts in her eyes.
Hannah reads the note and makes a thoughtful face, looking Kris up and down. "Well, you fit his type," she says.
"You know him?" Kris asks, blushing what he's sure is a previously undiscovered shade of crimson.
"Of course I know him," she says dismissively. "He used to sing here before he made it big."
"Oh," Kris says, because that seems to be his standard reply where Adam's concerned.
"So you're Kris." She shakes her head and barks out a laugh. "You sure did a number on that boy."
Kris wants to protest, because sneaking out to avoid the morning after conversation isn't all that unusual. How the fuck was he supposed to know that the morning after probably wouldn't have been horribly awkward?
"Well, what are you waiting for?" she asks, giving Kris a look. "Go and get your happily ever after, but just so you know, if you don't tell us all about it afterwards, you're fired."
Kris laughs, but it's a bit strained because he's pretty sure it's not actually a joke. She keeps staring at him until he realizes she's waiting for him to leave, so he manages a mumbled bye and a wave to the gawkers and heads for the door.
Out on the street he takes two deep breaths before starting his trek up the street towards Adam's house. He doesn't exactly have a plan, or even something that could look like a plan if you squinted. He's just letting his legs eat up the distance between the store and Adam's place, trying really hard not to think at all. If he let himself actually think about this decision he's pretty sure he'd end up turning tail and running back home.
He looks over his shoulder constantly to make sure he's not being followed. Maybe he's paranoid, but he really doesn't want an audience for whatever kind of embarrassment lies ahead. Of course looking over his shoulder means he doesn't see where he's going, so he ends up walking right into something and would have fallen flat on his ass if said something hadn't grabbed his shirt to keep him upright.
"Whoa," a familiar voice says and when Kris looks up, blush already travelling over his cheeks, Adam looks back at him.
"Whoa," Kris echoes, and he's pretty sure he's red down to his knees by now.
Adam just blinks at him, twisting Kris's shirt between his fingers and Kris really wishes he could read Adam's mind. Maybe real Kris is a disappointment compared to the dream Kris Adam thought up. Kris wouldn't like that at all, because real Adam is every bit as amazing as whatever Adam Kris might have dreamed about late at night with his hand down his pants.
"It's you," Adam says, eyes wide with surprise and something Kris can't quite put his finger on. "Chris…"
"I spell it with a K you know," Kris says, because he's stupid and awestruck and not at all prepared for the rush of emotions just from seeing Adam's face.
Adam laughs, mouth open and eyes slitted. He's so beautiful Kris can barely breathe and he doesn't even know what that means.
"I'll make sure to remember that, if I ever have to look for you by way of flyer again," Adam says, laughter still lingering at the corners of his eyes. Then he looks sober all of a sudden and knots his fingers tighter in the front of Kris's shirt. "Please say I don't have to look for you by flyer again… it's not good for the environment to be spreading that much paper around and… I know what I wrote was like… sappy and shit but I really meant it you know and…" Adam sucks in a breath. "I just really really want to take you out on a date."
He looks hopeful and kind of bewildered, staring at Kris as if he's not sure Kris is real. Kris stares back because he finds it kind of baffling that he somehow managed to reduce a guy like Adam to a babbling mess. He never considered himself to be anything special, but Adam's making him feel as if he is special, as if he is the kind of guy you make fucking flyers about because you just can't forget him.
"It's okay if you don't want to," Adam says, letting go of Kris's shirt and trying to smooth out the creases. "I know I can be a bit… intense."
"No," Kris says quickly and it's only when Adam lets his hands drop that he realizes it came out all wrong. "I mean yes. I mean I want to… go on a date… with you."
Adam's smile lights up the whole street and his hands find their way to Kris's shirt again. "Yeah?"
"Yeah."
It doesn't make sense but Kris is pretty sure that right here, right now, standing in the middle of a crowded street with a guy he barely knows is the happiest he's ever been. It's the overwhelming kind of happy that fills up his chest and spills out through his smile, giving the entire world a fuzzy edge.
"So… uh…" Adam starts smoothing Kris's shirt out again, pulling it tight over his pecs. "Want to grab a coffee, or something?"
Adam's palms keep rubbing over Kris's nipples and coffee is honestly the last thing on his mind. He's half hard already and if Adam doesn't stop caressing him, he'll embarrass himself quite thoroughly.
"If you want to have coffee you should probably stop initiating foreplay in a public setting," Kris mutters, color rising in his cheeks.
Adam looks down on his hands as if he's only just now realizing he's been spending the last few moments massaging Kris's chest.
"Oh," he says. Then he looks up, hopeful smile stretching his lips. "My place?"
Kris is going to say no. They should talk and not just run off to have sex again, but then Adam's hands slide down to grip his hips and he forgets why he was supposed to protest.
"Yes please," he says instead, curling his fingers around Adam's shoulders and holding on tight.
"Yay," Adam says and he sounds completely serious.
Before Kris has time to comprehend what's going on Adam's arm is around his shoulders and he's being steered towards Adam's apartment. He tucks his thumb into the waistband of Adam's jeans and lets his head bounce against Adam's arm for a moment. He spots people watching them, furtive glances cast in the direction of a sight that's really not unusual in WeHo, but it doesn't make him feel weird. Mostly he just feels like getting up on a roof and shouting he's mine bitches even though he's still hazy on the he's mine details and he doesn't think he's ever called anyone bitch in his life.
"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Adam asks when they're finally at the door to his apartment building.
Kris wants to say no. He always believed that love at first sight was something dreamt up by hopeless romantics to justify premarital sex when lust seemed too dirty, but he's not so sure anymore. Maybe this stupid happy, fluttery feeling Adam gives him isn't exactly love, maybe it's more the seed that love grows out of, but it's certainly there and it's certainly something - something that can't be explained away as horny, or attracted.
"I don't know," he finally says, as they walk up the stairs. "I guess I believe in… connections? That sometimes when you meet someone you just know that person has the potential of being important to you…" He trails off, unsure of where that theory ends.
"I know what you mean," Adam says and when Kris slants him a look he's grinning. "Say for example you meet someone in a dark alley and you're really just gonna help him find his way but he turns out to be really cute so you take him home instead and you have some really amazing sex but in the wee hours of the morning he sneaks out but leaves behind the most adorable little note that doesn't include any contact information and you just know you have to find him again because…" Adam sucks in a breath and gives Kris a serious look. "You forgot to tell him that you think he's perfect for you."
Kris flushes and scrubs a hand over the back of his neck. Adam has his keys in his hand, but he's not opening the door, he's looking at Kris as if he's waiting for an answer.
"I'm not sure I'm perfect for anyone," Kris finally says, looking down at the floor. "I'm just Kris, you know."
Adam slides the key into the lock and opens the door, but Kris can still feel his eyes on him.
"Hey," Adam says, capturing his chin and making him look up. "Everyone's perfect for someone and luckily for you I claimed that spot." He grins, big and bright with a slight tinge of insanity. "That is, if you'll let me."
Kris gets lost in the deep blue of Adam's eyes. All the reasons this is a bad idea are lining up in his head, but somehow they don't matter. He just knows that he's right where he's supposed to be with the person he's supposed to be with.
"This doesn't make sense," Kris says, reaching out to touch Adam's arm. "I'm not the kind of guy that gets a fairytale ending."
"Bullshit," Adam says. Then he leans forward and gives Kris a slow lingering kiss that he can feel down to his toes. Kris blinks his eyes open when Adam straightens up only to find him smiling triumphantly. "Now tell me you don't believe in happily ever after."
Kris laughs, because really, how could he not? "Whatever, Prince Charming," he says. "Let's just take it one day at a time, yeah?"
"If we absolutely have to… Still gonna carry you over the threshold though."
"What? Adam?" Kris squeaks when he's hoisted up into Adam's arms and carried into the apartment. "We did so not get married."
"You just keep telling yourself that," Adam answers, kicking the door shut behind them.
The End
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