Seven Wishes (or Good Luck, Bitches) - J2 - NC17 - Part Two
Back to Part One
Things possibly look better in the morning, there's more sun for one, but they don't exactly feel better. Jared is an idiot, there's no two ways about it and as every true idiot he calls his best friend to complain. Well, he doesn't exactly call. He drags himself out of bed, has a shower, pull on clean clothes and walk across the hall to pound on Jensen's door. Jensen opens in his pajamas, plaid flannel pants and a threadbare t-shirt with his hair is sticking up funny on one side.
"What's the emergency?" he asks, rubbing at his sleepy eyes and yawning.
"I'm an idiot," Jared answers, shouldering past him into the living room.
Jensen follows him, scratching at his belly. "I know," he says.
It's not at all as comforting as it should be and Jared throws himself down on the couch. "I made a deal with the devil," he says.
Jensen blinks a couple of times. "It's too fucking early for this," he says, turning towards the bedroom.
"You don't understand." Jared pushes himself off the couch and follows him. "I sold my fucking soul."
Jensen burrows in under the covers and pulls a pillow over his head. "Not listening," he sing songs.
Jared crashes down on the bed next to him and pulls the pillow away. "Would you listen if I got us breakfast?" he asks.
Jensen narrows his eyes, and turns his head to look at the alarm clock. "Only if it includes blueberry pancakes."
Jared grins and gives Jensen a kiss. "Pancakes it is," he says.
Momentum carries him halfway down the stairs then he stops dead in his tracks and panics. He just kissed Jensen. On the mouth. And he liked it. He lifts his hand to his lips and frowns. Maybe he just imagined kissing Jensen. Yeah, that's probably it. With the night he had, he wouldn't be surprised by anything. He trudges back up the stairs and into Jensen's bedroom. Jensen is lying exactly where he left him, staring up at the roof.
"Did I just…"
"Yeah, you did."
"Oh…"
He turns the information over in his head a couple of times. It doesn't make sense, but as of last night, not a lot of things do.
"I'll be back with pancakes," he says and turns on his heel.
Jensen's in the shower when he returns loaded down with boxes and coffee cups, so he sets it all down in the living room and waits for Jensen to appear. He opens one of the boxes and takes out a muffin, chewing it down between sips of coffee.
Jensen emerges from the bathroom dressed in ripped jeans and an old t-shirt. His hair is still wet and clinging to his forehead, Jared thinks about remarking on it, but he's sure that'll lead to Jensen indulging in his two hour blow dry and gel routine so he keeps his mouth shut. Jensen is very particular about his hair, maybe it's because he's gay.
Jensen takes a seat at the edge of the couch and reaches for one of the coffee cups. He doesn't say anything and Jared doesn't really know where to start. Things are rarely awkward between them, haven't been since the night Jensen confessed he was gay and Jared would like for things to stay that way.
"I'm sorry about earlier," Jared says.
"Don't mention it," Jensen answers.
Jared opens his mouth to offer some sort of explanation, even if he would be pulling it out of his ass because he doesn't know what happened, but Jensen cuts him off.
"I'm serious," he says. "Don't mention it."
Jared presses his lips shut and nods. No talking about kissing your best friend, he got it. Jensen starts rifling through the boxes until he finds the pancakes and puts the box on his lap, taking one of the plastic forks and digging in.
They eat in silence, which is not all that unusual for them since they've known each other forever, but Jensen got this tight, pinched, look on his face as if he wishes he was anywhere but in his living room with Jared. Since Jensen doesn't normally hate his living room, Jared has to assume that he is the problem. He just wishes he knew why.
Is it because he made a deal with the Devil? Jensen isn't overly religious but he was brought up with good Christian values and he might have some doubts about his best friend turning to the Devil for relationship advice. The sensible thing would probably have been to go to church and pray for guidance, but churches make Jared nervous. He always feels as if he's done something wrong.
It could of course be about the kiss, but it was just a quick peck, nothing to write home about and it wouldn't be the first time Jared's poured himself all over Jensen. Sure, they've never kissed before, but in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big deal, right?
Jared sighs and chases the last bite of pancake around the box, soaking up the last of the syrup. He feels kind of stupid. His life these last few weeks have revolved around winning Sandy back and now that he's given her up as a lost cause he lacks direction. Contrary to Jensen, Jared has always been the relationship type. Ever since college his relationships have been backing up against each other, one flowing into the next with only a few weeks of mandatory grieving time in between.
He can't even count the number of times Jensen's dragged him out on a bender to forget about his latest love life disaster. Before Sandy it was Jenna, before Jenna it was Sophia, before Sophia it was Alison, before Alison it was Genevieve, before Genevieve it was Alexis and so on and so forth. Jared just isn't very good at being on his own. He always says he's never going to fall in love again, but he always ends up finding someone.
Maybe Sandy is right, maybe he does treat his girlfriends horribly, looking back his track record isn't exactly impressive. Thing is, finding a girl is always awesome and he wines and dines them and they have awesome sex and a fantastic time, but then they start making noises about commitment. Jared's generally good with commitment; he hasn't missed a single game night with Jensen in the last ten years for example, but when it comes to committing himself to be with the same girl for the rest of his life, that's when it gets dicey, because he has Jensen to think about, you know.
Well, it's not as if he has to stay single and unbound for Jensen's sake, because Jensen is generally pretty supportive of Jared's relationships, but to Jared commitment spells a bungalow in the suburbs, two kids and an SUV. He's just not ready to move to the suburbs, because it would mean no longer having Jensen across the hall. Oh, and secretly he's convinced Jensen would fall apart if he didn't have Jared around to cheer him up, but it might very well be the other way around.
"What would you wish for?" Jared asks when he can no longer pretend to be engrossed by his food.
Jensen blinks and looks up from his coffee. "What?"
"If you made a deal with the devil and got seven wishes, what would you wish for?"
Jensen looks away, staring very resolutely at the wall. "Nothing," he says curtly. "Because I'd never be that stupid."
Jared snorts. "Come one, man. There's gotta be something you want."
Jensen turns his head back and pins Jared with a stare. "I want you to shut up and drop the fucking subject."
Jared flinches and squeezes his lips together. "Fine," he says.
"Fine."
"Fine."
They lapse back into to silence while Jared tries to figure out what the fuck Jensen's deal is. Sure, making a deal with the Devil might be a bit stupid, but he's pretty sure that Jensen doesn't believe him anyway, so what is his fucking problem? Everyone wants something, it's what keeps people going, at least that's what they said in Psychology 101.
"What would you do if you won her back?" Jensen asks suddenly.
"What do you mean, what would I do? I'd be her boyfriend."
Jensen sighs. "Forget it."
Jared sulks. Jensen's supposed to be the one person in the world that gets him on every level. He's supposed to understand without even having to ask, so why does Jared feel as if he should explain himself. He leans back into the pillows and closes his eyes, sometimes he wishes life made more sense.
Jensen has a point, even if he's nice enough to not make it out loud. Nothing's really changed. If Jared won Sandy back things would be amazing for a few weeks and then they'd drop right back into status quo. Jared's not ready to spend less time with his friends, he's not all that interested in talking about his emotions and girl things has a tendency to bore him even when he tries really hard to be attentive.
The thing is, Jared already has a life partner. The only things he really looks for in a girlfriend are basic compatibility and great sex. A chill runs down his spine and he opens his eyes again, looking at Jensen's aloof profile. Is that why Jensen never really dates? Because he already found the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with, only he's not available.
Jared licks his lips, wondering why he never realized this before. Why the possibility never even occurred to him.
"Stop staring," Jensen says, giving him a look. "It's unnerving."
"Are you in love with me?" Jared asks, because he does have one or two things in common with his shy counterpart.
Jensen twitches, growing three shades paler. "No," he squeaks, and it's very obviously a lie.
Jared nods. "Thought so."
"Look," Jensen says, a blush staining his pale cheeks. "It's not… I mean… It's my cross to bear, okay? One day I'll meet someone and I'll fall in love and I'll live happily ever after with him."
Jared doesn't like the thought of that at all, for some reason, but he nods again.
"Are you freaking out?" Jensen asks. "Please don't freak out."
Jared isn't doing anything of the sorts. He's just thinking. Hard. "What's there to freak out about?" he asks. "I mean, it's like sausage."
"Sausage?" Jensen sounds very skeptic. "Do I even want to know?"
"I mean… You eat sausage, right? You've always eaten sausage."
"Is this some sort of gay euphemism?"
"No, I'm talking about hot dogs."
"Okay… Just so we're clear."
"Anyway, you've always eaten sausages and you like it." Jensen cringes and Jared can tell he's still replacing sausage with cock, but whatever. "Then one day some asshole, in this case me, tells you that sausages are really nothing but ground up pig eyes and horse intestines."
Jensen makes a disgusted face.
"Exactly. Sausages are really disgusting, but will this make you enjoy them less? No, because you've been eating that shit for years without knowing so to keep eating them is the natural choice."
Jensen blinks, still looking disgusted. So maybe the sausage analogy isn't the best one to use with a peckish eater like Jensen, but Jared thinks it's a real good one. He sighs.
"Okay, what I mean is… you've probably been in love with me for years and it's never affected our friendship before, so there's no reason it should do so now."
"Oh… Yeah, that makes sense." Jensen still looks nauseous. "Pig eyes? Really?"
Jared nods. "Really."
"That's disgusting."
"I know."
The conversation turns to safer subjects after that and Jared's not able to dwell on his epiphany until later that night when he's lying in bed. Looking at it crassly, he's an asshole and he doesn't see that changing any time soon. It's not that he doesn't like his girlfriends. He just doesn't need his girlfriend to be his best friend, because he already has one of those. He wonders if all guys, well straight guys at least, one day has to face up to this fact, or if he's the only one that's touched enough in the head.
Sure, he's only twenty six, there's still plenty of time to find the right girl and settle down, but he doesn't want to find the right girl. When he thinks about growing old he always imagines him and Jensen sitting at a back porch drinking beer and looking at their grand children playing in the yard. He never thought too hard about how they got there and with whom, but he's kind of wondering now.
He sighs and punches his pillow, rolling over on his stomach. He should have never made that stupid deal, he was quite happy flitting through life like a careless butterfly going from one flower to the next. Things better look up in the morning, or he's going to throw a fit.
The only thing that looks better in the morning is Jensen. He's wearing sinfully tight jeans, a v-necked cashmere sweater and his hair is gelled to perfection. Jared kind of hates him a little, because a night of little to no sleep has left clear marks and sleep creases on his face and he certainly didn't fall into his clothes and came out looking like a GQ model this morning.
"We cool?" Jensen asks, when Jared walks out the door.
"Yeah," Jared answers, with a smile that's just a tiny bit strained.
It's not Jensen's fault that he has to own up to being a horrible person, he's blaming that one on Chad.
"Good."
Jensen bumps his shoulder as they walk down the stairs and Jared's smile settles on genuine. Jensen wouldn't be in love with someone who's truly a horrible person and Jensen is in love with him so that means there ought to be redeeming traits to his character.
Work is, as usual, boring and he spends most of his time playing stupid games with Jensen over AIM. They work for the same publishing company but on different floors, so during the day they mostly interact through IM. It's probably a good thing too, if their offices was right next door to each other, Jared's pretty sure he'd never get anything done.
Eventually the day comes to an end and he meets up with Jensen and a bunch of their coworkers for their usual Monday after work bar crawl. Not that there is usually all that much crawling involved since Tuesday is a work day, but it happens (and it usually means at least a week of ribbing for the crawler until someone else steps up to take the crown).
They always go to Susan's first, a cocktail bar conveniently situated around the corner of their building. Not only do they have strong cocktails at reasonable prices but they also have great food if you're thus inclined. Jared is always thus inclined and within minutes of entering he's got a beer in his hand and an order for a steak waiting in the kitchen.
He takes a seat at a table and waits to see who joins him. It's the beauty of the Monday nights, you never know who you'll end up talking to. Jensen is at the bar engaged in conversation with some guy from accounting, but he told Jared to save him a seat. The first person to take a seat is Genevieve. She's got a cocktail in one hand and her bag in the other.
"Hey babe," she says with a grin.
Jared grins back. "Hey Gen."
They stare at each other for a few moments. He has noticed this happens with most of his exes, and at least for him those moments are spent remembering, in graphic detail, that they used to have sex. He's not sure what his exes think of, they might just be wondering why he's doing the whole staring, leering, thing.
"Where's Jensen?" she asks, putting her bag down on the floor.
"At the bar."
She turns her head and spots him, giving a little snort. "He's talking to Ryan that guy's so gay he's embarrassing."
"Jensen?" Jared asks, because he routinely thinks Jensen's embarrassing but rarely because he's gay.
She kicks him under the table. "Ryan, you idiot."
"Oh…" Jared looks at them again. "You think there's something going on between them?"
"Oh please," she says with a snort. "They'd spend all their time arguing over who gets to bend over."
Jared blinks. "You think Jensen…"
"Bottom." She says it so matter-of-factly that Jared almost thinks she has personal experience, except that's insane.
"How do you know?"
"God, you're such a loser. Can't believe I used to date you."
Jared looks at Jensen again in complete bewilderment, there's nothing about him that scream I want to be fucked in the ass to Jared. He's just a regular guy, a pretty guy, but still just a guy.
"Oh… Speaking of dating," Jared says. "Why did you break up with me?"
"I thought we went over that years ago," Genevieve says. "You're an awesome guy, but a sucky boyfriend."
"Why? Why am I sucky boyfriend?"
She tilts her head to her side and pushes her hair away from her forehead. "Do you want the bullshit answer, but the real one?"
"Uh… The real one?"
"Jensen."
"Jensen?"
"No girl can ever compete with him in your eyes." She shrugs. "It's just the way it is. The sex was good though."
Jared smiles and glances over at Jensen again. He's still talking to Ryan, whatever they're discussing it ought to be interesting. Maybe they're talking about the best position to take it up the ass.
"But not half as good as imagining you having sex with Jensen. Now that would be epic."
Genevieve smacks her lips and Jared looks back at her. "Huh?"
"I used to do that a lot… Okay, I still do, so sue me."
Jared laughs and shakes his head. "I'll never get women."
"See? That's why you ought to have sex with Jensen… and tape it… and put it up on PornoTube."
Jared shakes his head again, but he's still smiling. They're interrupted by the arrival of food and seconds later, Jensen, so he never gets around to asking her more about it. It's probably just as well, he's not sure he can take any more insight into the heads of women without being turned off them for life.
The steak is good, it's always good, and once their plates are clean they head out for the next place; Beaver's across the street that has a whole lot less naked women than the name implies. Jensen disappears somewhere along the way and the next time Jared spots him he's talking to Ryan again. Jared doesn't recall ever seeing Jensen talk to Ryan before and it's starting to annoy him that Jensen's making new friends.
Ryan is cute, he supposes, in a very feminine way. He doesn't look like a girl exactly, but he looks way more like a boy than a man with his narrow, petite features, and he has stupid hair. Jensen can't sleep with someone that has hair that stupid, and let's not even talk about Ryan's sense of style, or lack thereof. Skinny jeans, a quirky scarf and a suit jacket does not constitute a fashion statement, or maybe it's just that Jared doesn't get fashion.
Jared's hanging at the bar talking to Chris and Steve, nursing his third beer of the evening. He's not really in the mood for drinking, in all honesty he's more in favor of going home and watching a movie, but Jensen seems otherwise occupied.
"What's the deal with that Ryan guy?" Jared asks, when another half hour has passed and Jensen's still talking to him.
"Ryan who?" Steve asks, following Jared's line of vision. "Oh, that Ryan."
He doesn't volunteer any more information and Jared sighs. "Know him?"
"Not really." Steve shrugs. "I've seen him around."
Jared sighs again. Who would have thought that it'd be hard to get information out of Chris and Steve. "You think there's anything going on between him and Jensen?"
Chris barks out a laugh. "Seriously? They'd spend all their time arguing…"
"Over who get to bend over," Jared finishes. "Does everyone know Jensen takes it up the ass but me?"
Chris and Steve exchange a look. "Yeah," Steve says.
"Pretty much," Chris agrees.
Jared feels like smacking his forehead against the bar, but he supposes that Jim, the owner, wouldn't like it if he left blood stains, so he settles for another mouthful of beer. He's bored out of his skull, there's no one interesting to talk to (Chris and Steve does not count, the only thing they ever talk about is music), there's nothing interesting to look at (except for Genevieve but Jared's not going there again) and there's nothing interesting to do (it's a bar, either you get drunk, or ogle girls and Jared's not in the mood for either). He puts his empty bottle down and throws a few notes on the bar.
"I'm heading home," he says to Chris and Steve, but they're caught up in conversation (about music, of course) and he hardly think they notice him leaving.
He walks up to the table Jensen and Ryan are holed up at, feeling way too much like an intruder for his liking.
"Hey," he says.
Jensen looks up and smiles, Ryan just looks up.
"I'm heading home," he says, letting the words drag.
"Okay," Jensen says, still smiling. "See you tomorrow."
Jared smiles back and nods. It wasn't the answer he expected, Jensen always goes home with him on Monday nights, but whatever, Jensen is his own person.
Because it's still early, Jared relies on the public transportation system to get home and immediately slouches down in front of the TV. He gets up every time he hears someone coming in though, gluing himself to the peep hole, but Jensen fails to show up. Around midnight Jared forces himself to get ready for bed, but he lies awake in the darkness straining his ears to hear if Jensen returns. The later it gets the more he worries. Jensen is a big guy, fully capable of taking care of himself, but Jared can't stop worrying. What if he got really drunk and can't find his way home, or what if someone jumped him and he's lying in a ditch bleeding to death? It's practically Jared's duty as a best friend to find him before something horrible happens.
He gropes around the bedside table until his fingers connects with the phone, dialing Jensen's number on routine. It takes forever for Jensen to pick up, but he does eventually. Not that Jared hears much because it's certainly loud wherever he is. Jared glances at the clock, it's already 1am and tomorrow is a work day.
"Hey man," Jensen says. "Watcha doin'?"
Great, he's drunk. "Sleeping," Jared says. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"
There is a moment of silence on the other end. "It's 1am," Jensen answers. "And why did ya call me if you're sleeping?"
Jared presses his lips together. "I dunno," he says, suddenly tired to the bone. "I didn't hear you come home, guess I was worried."
Jensen sighs and the music on the other end suddenly cuts off abruptly. "I went on to a club with Ryan." He sighs again. "Why are all men assholes?"
Jared shrugs, he's been asking himself the same thing. "Do you think I'm an asshole?" he asks.
Jensen manages to snort and sigh at the same time, it sounds as if he swallowed a fly. "You're never an asshole to me," he finally answers, voice soft.
"You're my best friend."
Jensen swallows audibly. "Sometimes I wish you weren't," he whispers.
Jared's stomach clenches and he sits upright in bed. "Don't say that. I'd be fucking lost without you, man."
Jensen is silent for moment. "No," he says, defeated. "You'd be happy without me."
"Fuck you," Jared hisses. "You don't get to decide that. Are you suicidal? Should I call 911?"
Jensen laughs at that, but it has a bitter edge. "I'm not fucking suicidal. I'm drunk and tired and depressed, but I don't want to die."
Jared's racing heart calms down, but he presses the phone tighter to his ear. "I'll come and get you," he says. "Tell me where you are."
"Don't be stupid. I'll take a cab."
Jared grinds his teeth together. "Don't you be stupid."
Jensen snorts. "I'm pretty sure you cornered the market on that."
"Why?"
"You made a deal with the fucking devil. Being drunk and maudlin doesn't even register on the chart."
"Oh." Truth be told Jared had almost forgot about that, half hoping it was nothing but a dream.
"You know what I'd wish for?" Jensen asks, the tight edge back to his voice. "I'd wish I was a girl so that you could fall in love with me."
Jared blinks, his stomach clenching again. He should have never made that stupid deal. He was quite happy with his life, despite the fact that Sandy dumped him, but now it's just going down the drain.
"Jensen…" he starts, trailing off because he doesn't even know what to say to that.
"Forget about it," Jensen says. "I'm waving down a cab now, I'll be home in fifteen minutes."
He disconnects the call and Jared's left to staring up at the roof in silence. His skin feels too tight and his heart is beating funny. He's probably having a heart attack; it's all that red meat. He should have asked the devil to unclog his arteries, that's what he should have done. He sucks in a breath through his nose and holds it, hoping to calm down, but the only thing that happens is that he gets nauseous.
He gets out of bed and paces the length of the bedroom, feeling nervous and shaky all over. He kind of wants to call his mom, but he's twenty-six, way past the age when hearing mommy's voice will make everything better. It takes forever, but then he hears the door downstairs open and he almost breaks a leg running out into the hall. He molds himself to the door, looking out through the peep hole.
It's Jensen this time, alone. He looks tired and pale, and his eyes keep darting towards Jared's door, as if he wants to knock but can't bring himself to do it. Jared watches him fumble with his keys, pushing them into the lock, but he doesn't open the door. He just stands there. Jared's heart slams against his ribcage and he holds his breath. For some reason he doesn't exhale until Jensen opens his door and disappears inside. It's not until he's back in bed that he realizes that he's got an erection tenting the front of his boxers.
Things are kind of awkward between Jared and Jensen during the rest of the work week, neither of them able to forget the conversation they had on Monday night. Well Jared kind of forgets about the conversation, except that Jensen was miserable and upset, but he can't forget about the boner. The boner is on his mind at all times of the day.
By Friday night he's had enough of the moping though and invites himself over to Jensen's for pizza and movies. It starts out kind of awkward with neither of them saying anything, but by the first explosion conversation is flowing normally. The uneasy feeling Jared's had at the pit of his stomach for most part of the week finally disappear and by the start of the second movie he's thoroughly relaxed, sprawled over half the couch with a beer balancing on his stomach.
Jensen is looking better too, softer somehow, as if he's finally shed the weight that's been on his shoulders forever. Maybe having your secret out in the open will do that to a man. Jared wouldn't know, he's never had a secret like that. It could also be the cashmere sweater Jensen's wearing, it looks snuggly and nice.
He tries, for the millionth time, to wrap his mind around the fact that Jensen is in love with him, but he fails as spectacularly as every other time. When Jared falls in love it's sharp and sudden, stealing his breath and tying his tongue. He supposes it's not like that for Jensen, or maybe it is. Maybe he woke up one day, looked at Jared and realized he was in love. Jared kind of wants to ask him, but he's pretty sure it would be a great way to ruin the mood now that they'd found their footing again.
"Stop staring," Jensen says halfway through the movie, slight blush creeping up his cheeks.
Jared opens his mouth to protest, but he realizes when he glances at the TV that he's spent more time staring at Jensen than watching the movie.
"Sorry," he mutters, devoting himself to staring at his beer instead.
Jensen gives him a small smile and suddenly Jared knows what he's got to do. He has to make everything right and it's in his power to do it.
"I'll be right back," he says, jumping up from the couch, nearly dropping his beer in the process.
"Okay," Jensen says, sounding alarmed.
Jared puts the bottle down on the table and runs over to his own apartment, manic smile on his face.
"Chad," he shouts. He's not sure you have to shout for the devil to hear you, but it might help.
Nothing happens.
"Chad," he shouts again.
The name bounces off the walls of his tiny hall, ringing out against the roof, but nothing happens.
"Chad, you sorry miserable fuck. Show yourself goddamnit."
"There's no need to be rude," Chad says from behind him and Jared spins around so fast he manages to get tangled up in the doormat and falls flat on his ass.
Chad is leaning against the door with his legs crossed and smile on his face. His dirt blond hair is gelled into spikes and he's wearing white tennis shoes and a turquoise tracksuit that makes him look as if he just went jogging, in the eighties.
"Thought of another wish, did you?" he asks, raising his eyebrows.
"Yes," Jared says, clambering to his feet. "And you're not allowed to fuck this one up."
"Ooooh, I'm scared," Chad says, throwing sparks from one hand to the other as if he was juggling a ball.
Jared presses his lips together, his nostrils flaring. "I'm serious."
Chad sighs and throws the sparks high, letting them disintegrate into thin air. "Finally thought of a way to win your lady back, huh? Well hit me with your best shot."
"I wish to be gay," Jared says, and it's not at all as scary as he thought it would be.
Chad's mouth drops open. "What?"
"I wish to be gay, and I don't mean in a twinky, poofy, hi I'm Elton John way. I want to be gay, right here, in this life gay. I want to be me in every way, except I want to be attracted to guys. Actually, I don't care if you make me bisexual. I just want to be sexually attracted to men."
Chad opens and closes his mouth a few times. "Let me get this straight… You want to be gay."
Jared nods. "I want to be gay. No tricks, no funny business, no take backs. I just want to be gay."
"Somehow… I did not see that coming," Chad says. More to himself, it seems, than Jared.
"So can you do it?" Jared's nearly bouncing on his heels with excitement.
"Uh…" Chad makes a face. "Yes?"
"Well go ahead then."
Chad looks at him as if he's insane, but he holds his hands up and blows a shower of sparks in Jared's face. His breath smells like old burritos and the sparks makes his skin tingle, but aside from that, nothing happens.
"Done?" Jared asks.
"Uh… Yeah." Chad shifts his feet a couple of times. "Was that all?"
"Yeah," Jared says with a grin. "That's all."
Chad shakes his head and then he disappears into thin air. Jared takes a deep breath and smiles, laughter bubbling in his chest. He did it. He made everything okay.
Jensen looks up when he comes back into the apartment, raising his eyebrows.
"I just remembered I'd forgotten about something," Jared says, reclaiming his edge of the couch. "Did I miss anything?"
Jensen glances at the TV. "Not really."
"Good."
Jared reaches for his beer again and takes a mouthful. It tastes like crap, lukewarm and stale, but he swallows anyway, pretending not to notice the way Jensen's looking at him. He doesn't feel different, and he still doesn't find Colin Farrell more than passably attractive, but he's hyper aware of Jensen's eyes on him.
"Now you're staring," he says after a few minutes, making Jensen blush bright red.
"Sorry," Jensen mutters, sounding embarrassed.
"It's okay," he says. "You can look if you want."
Jensen shifts. "Don't pity me," he says.
"I'm not pitying you," Jared protests.
"Yes you are. With the kiss and worry and the looking and the everything. You're pitying me and I hate it."
"I said I was sorry about the kiss."
Jensen's nostril flare. "And I said don't fucking mention it."
"It must be hard to be in love with someone and have them kiss you like that, knowing you can never have it again. I'm sorry I made you feel like that."
Jensen's eyes narrow. "What part of I don't want to talk about it is that you don't understand?" he hisses.
Before Jared gets a chance to answer Jensen shoots up from the couch and disappears into the kitchen.
"Well that went well," Jared says to no one in particular and pushes himself up from his reclining position, following Jensen.
Jensen stands with his back to the door, staring into his organized refrigerator. Jared's heart does a double take as he walks up behind Jensen. Not quite pressing up against him, but not giving him a lot of space to move either.
"Jared… what are you doing?" Jensen asks with a tired note to his voice.
Jared wonders if he knows that himself as he reaches up to grab Jensen's shoulders, spinning him around and pinning him against the cupboard with his body. "I really am sorry," he whispers against Jensen's ear. "I'm sorry I made you think you couldn't have this again."
Then he kisses Jensen, because it seems to be the best way to shut him up. Jensen makes a startled sound against his lips, lifting his hands to push at Jared's shoulders. Jared's not giving up that easily though, pressing in closer and nipping at Jensen's lips. It's different from kissing a girl, Jensen's lips are firmer and there's a faint touch of stubble rubbing against Jared's face making his skin tingle, but it's good, oh so good. There's no doubt in his mind that he wants this, wants Jensen.
He doesn't know for how long they stay like that, exchanging unhurried, lazy kisses that conspire to make him spontaneously combust, but it seems as if all too little time has passed when Jensen pushes him away, sucking in desperate breaths. Jared leans their foreheads together, resting his hands on Jensen's hips. He's freaked out, turned on, and exhilarated in an about even mix, but most of all he's happy. For the first time ever it feels as if all the pieces to his puzzle are put together right. There are no missing corners or jumbled pieces in the middle, he's whole.
It's too bad that Jensen hasn't gotten with the program, because without warning Jensen suddenly pushes him away, using way more force than is necessary. Jared stumbles backwards, catching himself against the table before he can fall on his ass again.
"You fucking asshole," Jensen hisses. "How dare you?" Jared's starting to wonder that too, because Jensen looks deranged, cheeks flushed and eyes black. Jensen takes two steps forward and pushes him again. "How fucking dare you?"
Jensen's voice is starting to sound shrill, grating on Jared's eardrums.
"I thought I could trust you. I thought you were my friend. I'm not going to be your fucking experiment."
"Jensen…" Jared tries, wanting to calm him down.
"Don't you fucking Jensen me you fucking asshole. I'm not going to be your fucking rebound."
Jensen turns on his heel and stalks out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Jared turns his eyes heavenwards and takes a deep breath. This did not pan out exactly as he planned. Sure, Jensen did melt into his arms, but not long enough to be blindsided by Jared's awesomeness. He's almost tempted to call for Chad again and have him make things better, but that would be chickening out and Jared's never been a coward.
He opens the kitchen door and peers out. He's brave not stupid and Jensen in a mood that might have him lurking behind the door with a blunt object. Jensen's not behind the door though, he's in fact not even in the living room and Jared steps out of the kitchen. The door to the bedroom is closed so Jared guesses that's where Jensen's hiding. He crosses the floor and raps his knuckles against the wood.
"Go away," Jensen says.
Jared opens the door and steps inside. Jensen turns to face him, with his hands on his hips.
"Did you suddenly forget the English language?" he asks.
"No," Jared says. "I didn't. But I'm also not going anywhere."
Jensen's eyes narrows and Jared half expects him to attack, but instead he deflates. There's no other word for it. All the fight seems to go out of him and his shoulders sag.
"I can't do this," he says, voice soft and eyes on the floor. "I can't be whoever it is you want me to be."
"I don't want you to be anyone," Jared says, just as soft. "I just want you to be you."
Jensen looks up and shakes his head. "No," he says. "It doesn't happen like this. Not to me."
"This time it does," Jared says firmly. "It's your turn to get a happy ending."
Jensen sucks in a breath, looking away. "Don't," he whispers. "Don't do this to me."
Jared moves closer, reaching out to touch Jensen's arm. He's trembling, minute tremors running under his skin and Jared wonders just how close he's come to breaking.
"I want you Jensen," he says. "You just have to trust me."
Continue to Part Three