Pick a mood, any mood!
After being disturbed several times by my neighbors and presumably an obnoxious boyfriend yelling, slamming doors so hard they sound like gunshots, and blasting that god-awful MTV/BET audio torture I've been forced to endure since I got back here (goddammit I hate rap SO, SO MUCH), today feels like a definite No Shit-Taking Day.
Hooray for musical retaliation! I have an incredible feeling these people would HATE Bad Religion. In fact, I have A LOT of music on hand that about 90% of this dorm would hate. Mostly because it involves actual singing, playing real instruments, or doesn’t revolve around SEX.
I have much bitch glee.
No crippling Guilt, Shame, or Fear Trips today, dammit! I already had one that was bad enough last night that had me staring off into space doing nothing for hours, feeling like the sorriest excuse for a human being there is. The kind of trip that makes me think I need a psychiatrist and a strong prescription to something RIGHT NOW to get past this Fear before I retreat into my own head completely because I’m so horrible I don’t deserve to be around other people because I’ll only irritate them anyway and then they’ll judge me and hate me and I don’t want people to hate me so it’s really for the best that I stay away from everyone and be invisible because if no one knows who I am or that I’m there then they have no reason to not like me or even think about me and then I’ll be SAFE.
…Or the kind that makes me want to try getting drunk to relax. But I didn’t have enough of my Lemonade and Raspberry-Flavored Vodka Elixir of YUM left to do anything but make my thoughts a bit more pleasant (meaning it allowed my normal imagination to take the reigns back from my rambling paranoia) and my ears go a bit itchy for about half an hour.
Oh god damn it all…it just figures that before I even finish writing this, the noise has stopped, the annoyance has faded, and I’ve grown extremely bored with Bad Religion again. And I’m starting to get that guilty, I’ve-Been-An-Asshole feeling again…
…I need Happy Songs and fic.
…And Adderall. I’ll be a tweaking mess when it wears off, but I may actually get something done.
You see, this is why I shouldn’t type bits and pieces out of order. Hey, here’s a fun game! Try to figure out which bits I wrote first, then which bits were added as my mood changed! WHEE! It's fun trying to track my emotional instability!
Hooray for musical retaliation! I have an incredible feeling these people would HATE Bad Religion. In fact, I have A LOT of music on hand that about 90% of this dorm would hate. Mostly because it involves actual singing, playing real instruments, or doesn’t revolve around SEX.
I have much bitch glee.
No crippling Guilt, Shame, or Fear Trips today, dammit! I already had one that was bad enough last night that had me staring off into space doing nothing for hours, feeling like the sorriest excuse for a human being there is. The kind of trip that makes me think I need a psychiatrist and a strong prescription to something RIGHT NOW to get past this Fear before I retreat into my own head completely because I’m so horrible I don’t deserve to be around other people because I’ll only irritate them anyway and then they’ll judge me and hate me and I don’t want people to hate me so it’s really for the best that I stay away from everyone and be invisible because if no one knows who I am or that I’m there then they have no reason to not like me or even think about me and then I’ll be SAFE.
…Or the kind that makes me want to try getting drunk to relax. But I didn’t have enough of my Lemonade and Raspberry-Flavored Vodka Elixir of YUM left to do anything but make my thoughts a bit more pleasant (meaning it allowed my normal imagination to take the reigns back from my rambling paranoia) and my ears go a bit itchy for about half an hour.
Oh god damn it all…it just figures that before I even finish writing this, the noise has stopped, the annoyance has faded, and I’ve grown extremely bored with Bad Religion again. And I’m starting to get that guilty, I’ve-Been-An-Asshole feeling again…
…I need Happy Songs and fic.
…And Adderall. I’ll be a tweaking mess when it wears off, but I may actually get something done.
You see, this is why I shouldn’t type bits and pieces out of order. Hey, here’s a fun game! Try to figure out which bits I wrote first, then which bits were added as my mood changed! WHEE! It's fun trying to track my emotional instability!