(no subject)
im sweating on my fancy hollister polo shirt. i need to do my world history homework. tonight..i waited on nikis porch for gnrfnbhrodh and to get picked up. me niki and tamara..huddled under a huge blanket on nikis cold stone porch. i think the lights were on but it didnt cast out much. her yard was dark. i had been at raleighs all day. molly had to leave at 7 which made me sad. after molly left niki took her place on the big circley chair. everyone was smoking. the room was heavy and so many eyes were so focused but never perceiving the things all around them.
so many people being there, all i wanted was for it to be just me molly and raleigh like the night before..but i loved everyone there. ill never meet nicer people but its still a lot of people, a lot of dry mouths, and a lot of heart beats. i stayed there for a while after running earlier in the afternoon with erin. i hadnt seen niki in a long time. i like how cool she is to me and to everyone. i like how she has no cares in the world the way she makes people laugh she gets so trashed. i almost want to say i like being with myself when i get that way..but i mean..there is rachel and with rachel there are stories. but so we were all sittin around until niki jesse (the guy) and i left in tamaras car.
a car pulls up. niki gets up and tamara follows after a few minutes. they make me get off my ass and out from under the blanket. i met jared tonight. i hope he liked my polo shirt. im glad i didnt just mess up shirt and write shit. schultzie was with jared and he was wearing a trench coat. it reminded me of how i get so scared when people wear those coats, but my body was already shaking because of all that i saw in front of jared. i couldmt tell what his face was like even sitting under his car's light. i wonder if he could tell what i looked like. i remember desperately trying to keep from looking as cold as my body felt.
we walked back to her yard..i asked if we could sit in the car..i didnt want to do anything that would get anyone mad though. she was alright with it, so we all got in. niki and i were in the backseat. two minutes go by and all the trees are running together with the sky. the christmas lights started burning my eyes. jareds car took around 15 minutes to finally leave. i had called tom about 10 minutes earlier along with my mom. niki and i were having a grand time. our feelings were on our sleeves all that hour or so we were together.
tom showed up. we told him to get in the front seat. he saw. we continued. i think the radio was playing. my mind was running. i was talking. i was laughing. i was happy. i was excited to see tom because i hadnt seen him in so long, and i have been horrible because of that. one was his and i feel like he didnt understand why he left with it. i want to keep replaying that moment when he could have just left, but what? i dont know. it didnt matter obviously, just give it to me.
whatever, i dont want him or anyone getting hurt. dragon ball z is on, and matt told me to watch it. i love that show and i always have. damn...i almost just deleted all of this. i can hear the little anime people talking in the background of the room. i really need a shower. so much. god. so tamara and her warm car left. i hugged tom a lot since he deserved them. he got a plastic ring i had on my thumb, too. it didnt fit me, but it didnt fit him either. the day shouldnt have ended so soon. today was great. me and niki had a few minutes just to talk because my mom got lost trying to find her house, but now im here.
so many people being there, all i wanted was for it to be just me molly and raleigh like the night before..but i loved everyone there. ill never meet nicer people but its still a lot of people, a lot of dry mouths, and a lot of heart beats. i stayed there for a while after running earlier in the afternoon with erin. i hadnt seen niki in a long time. i like how cool she is to me and to everyone. i like how she has no cares in the world the way she makes people laugh she gets so trashed. i almost want to say i like being with myself when i get that way..but i mean..there is rachel and with rachel there are stories. but so we were all sittin around until niki jesse (the guy) and i left in tamaras car.
a car pulls up. niki gets up and tamara follows after a few minutes. they make me get off my ass and out from under the blanket. i met jared tonight. i hope he liked my polo shirt. im glad i didnt just mess up shirt and write shit. schultzie was with jared and he was wearing a trench coat. it reminded me of how i get so scared when people wear those coats, but my body was already shaking because of all that i saw in front of jared. i couldmt tell what his face was like even sitting under his car's light. i wonder if he could tell what i looked like. i remember desperately trying to keep from looking as cold as my body felt.
we walked back to her yard..i asked if we could sit in the car..i didnt want to do anything that would get anyone mad though. she was alright with it, so we all got in. niki and i were in the backseat. two minutes go by and all the trees are running together with the sky. the christmas lights started burning my eyes. jareds car took around 15 minutes to finally leave. i had called tom about 10 minutes earlier along with my mom. niki and i were having a grand time. our feelings were on our sleeves all that hour or so we were together.
tom showed up. we told him to get in the front seat. he saw. we continued. i think the radio was playing. my mind was running. i was talking. i was laughing. i was happy. i was excited to see tom because i hadnt seen him in so long, and i have been horrible because of that. one was his and i feel like he didnt understand why he left with it. i want to keep replaying that moment when he could have just left, but what? i dont know. it didnt matter obviously, just give it to me.
whatever, i dont want him or anyone getting hurt. dragon ball z is on, and matt told me to watch it. i love that show and i always have. damn...i almost just deleted all of this. i can hear the little anime people talking in the background of the room. i really need a shower. so much. god. so tamara and her warm car left. i hugged tom a lot since he deserved them. he got a plastic ring i had on my thumb, too. it didnt fit me, but it didnt fit him either. the day shouldnt have ended so soon. today was great. me and niki had a few minutes just to talk because my mom got lost trying to find her house, but now im here.