stop eating
corey gave me a pill before school started and i popped it in first period..but thats beside this story..in english i started to feel scared that i might be too tired to walk..we took a vocab quiz and my hands were shaking so bad i could hardly write but then i did and so on to world history i went. my eyes kept going on and off near the end of class but i was bored like always.
the class wasnt doing anything so i slept. in and out i heard people talk and their voices sway out. sway back in. next french. i barely made it there and when i sat down i immediately fell into a dazed sleep on my desk.
i tried to do what we were doing and write down answers. B lunch bell rang and i was in my own arms. my eyes couldnt stay open and i could feel my heartbeat. katie kept "waking me up". i would feel a poke or a piece of paper every now and again. but then the teacher passed out a notebook quiz. i took the last copy on our desks and i read the first question twice to understand it. i closed my eyes and raised my hand. it shook in the air and i couldnt hold it long.
i told mrs. bonner that i thought i was going to faint. i told a teacher that and i wasnt lying. she told me i looked pale. without my sweater i noticed the wan of my arms. they were pure white. my body shook and i held the desk to get up. katie offered to take me to the nurse and i knew everyone was staring at me. maybe compassionately. "i dont want you to fall down." i mumbled that i wasnt going to. i looked at the floor the whole way there and the nurse saw me.
her face changed when it hit mine. my body must have been seduced to nothing at that point. a gleaming pile of bones and silk white skin. katie told her why we had left our class. she took me in her arms, i wonder if she felt me shake? i wonder if this had anything to do with the morhpine in my numb body?
Almost forcefully i was made to lay back on a bed with ice peas behind my head. Katie was still there, i wish she hadn't seen me go through all this but it wasnt my fault. thats what she thought at least. the nurse gave me peanut butter crackers and hawaiian punch. i was her child in that moment. a sick little girl this woman had to nurse back to health which she did. she told me my lips got color back in them first. she said a few things, a few random adult lady things to calm me down but i dont remember what they were. after finishing every cracker and all of my juice..i got up rejuevenated. i felt numb still, but i was ok. i went back and everyone stared at me again, everyone asked questions mostly with their facial expressions though.
the class wasnt doing anything so i slept. in and out i heard people talk and their voices sway out. sway back in. next french. i barely made it there and when i sat down i immediately fell into a dazed sleep on my desk.
i tried to do what we were doing and write down answers. B lunch bell rang and i was in my own arms. my eyes couldnt stay open and i could feel my heartbeat. katie kept "waking me up". i would feel a poke or a piece of paper every now and again. but then the teacher passed out a notebook quiz. i took the last copy on our desks and i read the first question twice to understand it. i closed my eyes and raised my hand. it shook in the air and i couldnt hold it long.
i told mrs. bonner that i thought i was going to faint. i told a teacher that and i wasnt lying. she told me i looked pale. without my sweater i noticed the wan of my arms. they were pure white. my body shook and i held the desk to get up. katie offered to take me to the nurse and i knew everyone was staring at me. maybe compassionately. "i dont want you to fall down." i mumbled that i wasnt going to. i looked at the floor the whole way there and the nurse saw me.
her face changed when it hit mine. my body must have been seduced to nothing at that point. a gleaming pile of bones and silk white skin. katie told her why we had left our class. she took me in her arms, i wonder if she felt me shake? i wonder if this had anything to do with the morhpine in my numb body?
Almost forcefully i was made to lay back on a bed with ice peas behind my head. Katie was still there, i wish she hadn't seen me go through all this but it wasnt my fault. thats what she thought at least. the nurse gave me peanut butter crackers and hawaiian punch. i was her child in that moment. a sick little girl this woman had to nurse back to health which she did. she told me my lips got color back in them first. she said a few things, a few random adult lady things to calm me down but i dont remember what they were. after finishing every cracker and all of my juice..i got up rejuevenated. i felt numb still, but i was ok. i went back and everyone stared at me again, everyone asked questions mostly with their facial expressions though.