so im a weiner and i suck at life

[jewpony6]

i dont want to go back to school. at home i have no responsibilities. things are so safe and im totally in my comfort zone. i dont have to deal with the 5 fucking flights of stairs, falling out of my loft every single day, public bathrooms, no food, the cold, no car, people lacking depth etccc. whats my problem? how come everyone else can go away and have a great time? ok im probably just having seperation anxiety right now. i mean like when i came home for thanksgiving break i couldnt wait to go to back to tech. i missed my bitches and i looved school. now that ive been home ive realized how much easier life is here. i dont have to deal with stupid boys, forcing conversation that isnt there from tech people, stupid washing machines that are like 5 bucks a load. im so incoherent right now. things are finally good with my family too. everyone is bitching about their parents and how they cant wait to go back to school because they hate them and for the first time in my life, im not pissed at mine. i have absolute freedom but i can still run to them with every problem and just knowing that they are there and i have people to go home to is so nice. i love coming home at night after smoking massive amounts with my loves and just passing out on my couch, i love waking up at 11 and watching gilmore girls while eating breakfast then going to the gym and tanning. i miss my mommy. like what the fuck. and now when i go back to school ill be there for four monthes. i think i can handle it but i worry about myself. everyone is so well adjusted with great friends and hookups etc. i dont like a lot of people (eventhough i have a great group of friends at school like ive realized nothing compares to the people at home) and i hate the boys there. i can find a decent one. they arent my type and the ones i do like dont even notice me. i miss the small bubble of jville. im so tired of gross, dirty, ugly, poor dressed, gelled hair boys who have nothing to talk about who only get drunk and talk to me when they want some. i hate the fact that i cant remove the giant stick from my ass and suck it up and hook up with average people. i myself am no prize so why am i so picky. i dont understand, im not saying i want to go back to my slutty ways because trust me it is so unbecoming but i wish i could at least even KISS someone. i do not know where this issue came from!! im such a mess. my mom keeps telling me i can transfer but its not tech. i love tech! its kinda far and blacksburg sucks though. I DONT KNOW. ive also gotten soooo fat. today i did 35 on the precor-425, 35 on the elliptical 3 levels higher than usual-525 and then i tried to burn 50 more cals on the precor to make it 1000 for the day. i knwo the machines are not accurate but i used to aim for 900 calories a workout so im trying working harder and doing higher levels and thats how i measure it. i woke up and had bread and then i came home and had noodles, then we smoked and went to nautilus and had pita and then we smoked some more and i came home and ate my house. im so gay and chubby and rotund. and im also in a horrible mood and will die alone. i want to stay a high school senior foreverrrr. i had freedom, school was a joke, i had money, not a care in the world. i dont want to grow up and be independant. for everyone who always said i had my shit together you were so wrong. im like unraveling. i need to regain control!!!

okay tomorrow i must gym hard, not eat much. that always puts me in a better mood, especially when my stomach doesnt extend over my pants like 50 feet out. shoot me in the face. wow i havent updated in forever. if i did they wouldve been happy entries tho, of course i save my anger for my lj. im so homosexual