here i am once again
Growing up in north florida is a pretty shitty thing for a gay teenager. When I started at Darnell-Cookman in the 7th grade, I was immediately labeled the "gay kid". I spent most of those 2 years at DC trying to do the best I could making the best of the few friendships I did have - my best eventually becoming an activist lesbian. I generally commanded little respect from the cool kids even though I actually was pretty fucking cool at the time. Years later my biggest tormenters would become the ones who wanted so badly to be friends with me. Funny how things happen.
It took me an inordinate amount of time to truly conquer my own self-shame that was cultivated by my environment. I had a boyfriend that I fucking LIVED WITH for 2 years in college that not even everyone in my life knew about. Not even some people I considered good friends. I was essentially peeking out of the closet - selectively out. Bobby and I criticized other gay males for doing what they do - trying to knock promiscuity and "stereotypical gay behavior" because for some reason we felt we were better than the gamut of other gay males running around Gainesville.
It's tough realizing that the harsh criticisms I doled out at the time were just manifestations of my own insecurities as a gay man. Even tougher is running into people from the past and trying to let them know that yes, I am different now. Impressions are a hard thing to change so for the most part I have to realize that peoples' perceptions of me may be very far from the person I am now. Said activities, behaviors and social proclivities that I may have once criticized are part of my normal behavior now.
I never really understood the point of "gay pride". Assimilation always seemed to me the most productive way to become an accepted group in society. But I can truly say that today I am truly proud of who I am. I wouldn't change the way I was born (yes Sarah Palin, being gay is not a choice). I do act in a manner that people would consider "gay" and I like that I am that way.
Everything is a learning experience. Although my late teens and early 20 years were tainted with feelings of particular self-shame, I can now appreciate where other people are coming from. Their insecurities, their fears, and their personal successes. I love that here in New York City I can kiss my boyfriend (whether long term or ephemeral from the evening prior) on the street and not get stared at. Or that I can wear my 3 inch heel YSL boots and be complimented on them rather than mocked for acting "gay".
I don't know where I am going with this other than to say that I am really happy.
On that note, if you are my friend, or friends with any other queer person, it is your personal responsibility as their friend to not vote for John McCain. The fact that his running mate could use the word "tolerate" to refer to the queer community is a slap in the face. We are as much a part of the community as hockey moms, mavericks, and pregnant teenagers. Separate but not equal is something that was outlawed quite some time ago and I see no compelling reason for our country to continue discriminating against the queer community. It is a personal insult to me that anyone who loves or values me as a person could fathom voting for someone who feels I do not deserve the same rights they are entitled. So please, vote intelligently and fairly.
It took me an inordinate amount of time to truly conquer my own self-shame that was cultivated by my environment. I had a boyfriend that I fucking LIVED WITH for 2 years in college that not even everyone in my life knew about. Not even some people I considered good friends. I was essentially peeking out of the closet - selectively out. Bobby and I criticized other gay males for doing what they do - trying to knock promiscuity and "stereotypical gay behavior" because for some reason we felt we were better than the gamut of other gay males running around Gainesville.
It's tough realizing that the harsh criticisms I doled out at the time were just manifestations of my own insecurities as a gay man. Even tougher is running into people from the past and trying to let them know that yes, I am different now. Impressions are a hard thing to change so for the most part I have to realize that peoples' perceptions of me may be very far from the person I am now. Said activities, behaviors and social proclivities that I may have once criticized are part of my normal behavior now.
I never really understood the point of "gay pride". Assimilation always seemed to me the most productive way to become an accepted group in society. But I can truly say that today I am truly proud of who I am. I wouldn't change the way I was born (yes Sarah Palin, being gay is not a choice). I do act in a manner that people would consider "gay" and I like that I am that way.
Everything is a learning experience. Although my late teens and early 20 years were tainted with feelings of particular self-shame, I can now appreciate where other people are coming from. Their insecurities, their fears, and their personal successes. I love that here in New York City I can kiss my boyfriend (whether long term or ephemeral from the evening prior) on the street and not get stared at. Or that I can wear my 3 inch heel YSL boots and be complimented on them rather than mocked for acting "gay".
I don't know where I am going with this other than to say that I am really happy.
On that note, if you are my friend, or friends with any other queer person, it is your personal responsibility as their friend to not vote for John McCain. The fact that his running mate could use the word "tolerate" to refer to the queer community is a slap in the face. We are as much a part of the community as hockey moms, mavericks, and pregnant teenagers. Separate but not equal is something that was outlawed quite some time ago and I see no compelling reason for our country to continue discriminating against the queer community. It is a personal insult to me that anyone who loves or values me as a person could fathom voting for someone who feels I do not deserve the same rights they are entitled. So please, vote intelligently and fairly.