Just let me know you're here
Today was one of those eye opening days, where I realized my life has got to improve. Although I've had this self revelation quite frequently in the past couple of years, I know that the key to achieving this goal is to have a positive outlook on each new day.
Question: Not that my life is as bad as my negativity makes it seem. I have great friends who are always there for me, a family who regardless of their major blemishes love me for who I am, and I also do fairly well in school. So then why am I so miserable all the time?
Answer:: I take on too much at one time and cannot handle it all and I also over exaggerate. The bad in my life is never nearly as bad as I make it appear to be. I tend to take too much to heart until the point where it hurts, it might be that I enjoy the pain but I can no longer do that. It is not fair to me.
This morning while standing besides my locker, it struck me how built up my defenses were. As I was looking about the hallway I felt a surge of happiness thinking about the morning's events, as I was about to be very enthusiastic about the day... I felt something tugging inside me to pull back and not give in, for fear of dissapointment. That is not how I want to live my life. Although I could go about this blaming it on Stephan's criticism, I know now that I can't do that, for it was me who allowed him to treat me that way.
So today I start my quest for happiness, wish me luck...
--on another note... being such the Stanner that I am, I picked up on some pretty extreme symbolism over the weekend. I would discuss it fairly openly but I don't think the person would enjoy me splurting this out online. So if anyone cares to know, IM me and ask.. especially you Heather.. i think you'd find this quite interesting.