Little Black Dress
These classes are kicking my ass, I really didn't expect this much homework. It's sort of insane. Mmm.
Today my dad was like "What, you go to school for 4 hours a day twice a week?" Yeah and I have a good 5-6 hours of homework each time. I have my own comfy chair at Starbucks and routine.
I found my perfect little black dress. I'm excited to wear it Saturday night. Getting my hair done, perfect shoes, perfect make-up, perfect friends, a perfect life for a little bit. It's a little black dress night for us, we're going to dinner with our boy counterparts, getting pictures then back to Lukes apartment. It's hard because Jen and Evie are in a fight so I have to split up my time between them both so I'm still not sure exactly how it's going to work. I think I'll get ready and go to the salon with Evie and go out to dinner with her group then go to Lukes with Jenni-lo. Their neighbors downstairs are twins and look like Ryan Cabrera and are super nice. And Lukes roommates are pretty chill, plus everyone else that always just barges in. I think it's going to be mostly guys and then us two. It should be a good night.
I've been so gay lately. I've had time to think about my life and where I'm at and what I want. I don't think I've ever just been so at a loss and confused about life for this long of a period in my life. It's hard to look at my position and situation and think back and picture that as what I thought it would be. I feel like what happend I let ruin me instead of make me and that's not a good thing.
I want to just drive to the end of the world to see the end at my feet.
I'll be honest. What you had to offer me and how you made me feel was amazing, it was to a point where no one else could ever reach that level again. I always thought I reached that pleateau with Frank, it took 4 years but now when he calls I don't give a fuck. I don't want a life with him, I don't need his approval, all that bullshit he talks doesn't have me dreaming at night. So then there came you and I had my doubts and I didn't even realize how much I cared until the very end, or even right now even. It took for 4 years to get over him, maybe in another 4 years I'll be over you. But until then I'll do my thing and I'll graduate from college, make my life and experience new things and then maybe I'll meet someone who can maked me feel like something worth it again.
I love my little black dress.