Commandments for Musicians
I am one of the first to admit that I have VERY bad taste in music. I offer as proof of this that one of my favorite bands is the Red Hot Chili Peppers and I also enjoy Rise Against, but I make no apologies for this. Or that I consider almost all songs about sex to be awesome (the lewder the better). That said many characteristics of songs that many people enjoy bother the crap out of me and vice versa so here's what musicians would have to follow if I ran the world.
1) Thou shalt not have guitar solos which last longer than 1 minute (that means you Led Zeppelin).
2) Thou shalt not have songs with no lyrics (we'll make an exception for Dick Dale here) but lyrics in languages I don't speak are acceptable.
3) Thou shalt not have songs with instrumental segments longer than segments with lyrics (that means you jam bands).
4) Thou shalt not have unintelligible lyrics (that means you Seattle grunge bands). Unintelligent lyrics however, are acceptable.
5) Thou shalt not sing off-key deliberately (that means you Janis Joplin).
6) Thou shalt never feature circus music in thy songs nor shalt thou dress as a ring-master (shame on T-Payne and Panic at the Disco also Rise Against found it necessary to spoil the otherwise awesome 'Entertainment' with that).
7) Thou shalt not include thy musical influences in thy liner notes. It's pretentious (once again I'm forced to hate on Rise Against a bit and also Sublime).
8) The titles of thy songs shalt not be a paragraph long (That means you Sufjan Stevens).
9) Thou shalt include at least one non-depressing song on each album (that means you Rob Crow).
10) Thou shalt not desert thy ska band to make lame pop music (That means you Gwen Stefani).
Musicians everywhere take note.
1) Thou shalt not have guitar solos which last longer than 1 minute (that means you Led Zeppelin).
2) Thou shalt not have songs with no lyrics (we'll make an exception for Dick Dale here) but lyrics in languages I don't speak are acceptable.
3) Thou shalt not have songs with instrumental segments longer than segments with lyrics (that means you jam bands).
4) Thou shalt not have unintelligible lyrics (that means you Seattle grunge bands). Unintelligent lyrics however, are acceptable.
5) Thou shalt not sing off-key deliberately (that means you Janis Joplin).
6) Thou shalt never feature circus music in thy songs nor shalt thou dress as a ring-master (shame on T-Payne and Panic at the Disco also Rise Against found it necessary to spoil the otherwise awesome 'Entertainment' with that).
7) Thou shalt not include thy musical influences in thy liner notes. It's pretentious (once again I'm forced to hate on Rise Against a bit and also Sublime).
8) The titles of thy songs shalt not be a paragraph long (That means you Sufjan Stevens).
9) Thou shalt include at least one non-depressing song on each album (that means you Rob Crow).
10) Thou shalt not desert thy ska band to make lame pop music (That means you Gwen Stefani).
Musicians everywhere take note.