(no subject)
So I'm going to go get new glasses soon. whoo hoo (sarcastic) I don't really frigging care anymore. It actually wouldn't phase me if I did end up scratching my fucking eyeballs out because of these stupid contacts. I just really don't care about anything anymore. I have a big sore on the inside of my mouth because I decided not to wear my retainer to bed and I chomped on my cheek all night. I should go drink a glass of vinegar just to see how much it hurts, maybe it will distract me from the rest of my hurt.
Alright now I'm going to let out some frustration. This is going to sound really mean if it comes out right. Chris don't take this personal I'm upset and hurt. I don't hate you it's really more quite the opposite so just don't be mad at me.
Chris you are a fucking idiot. You keep running away from everyone who cares about you. You think that by just taking off, leaving the city that all your problems are going to go away. That's fucking horse shit! Your problems arn't with everyone else they are fucking inside you, you can keep on running from one fucking city to anothing and guess what - you're not going to feel any fucking better. The only thing you are going to feel is sorry for yourself. Because that is the feeling you like most. You push out every other feeling and try and think of ways to get it out so you can sit there and mope and feel sorry for poor old Chris. That's fucking retarted! Why would you want to curl up and enjoy that feeling - most people would want to move past it.
I don't know why you even bother talking to people or leaving your house at all. You know what your problem is YOUR DEAD INSIDE! You take your fucking philosophy of not caring or worrying about death way too far because in order not to care you'd have to be dead already. What is the fucking point of going through life pretending to be alive - heres a thought why don't you fucking try living for a change instead of hiding behind your miserable excuses. Your fucking miserable excuses and excuses to get fucking drunk off your ass.
You try and make everyone bleieve your a fucking asshole and you actually try hard to be that asshole but you fucked up with me because regardless of if you think you are ready to let somebody in YOU ALREADY DID! Now you're fucking running ... BECAUSE I MAKE YOU HAPPY!!! What kind of person runs from happiness .. like I said you curl up with your excuses. You can't run from life forever, so you might as well be a man and face it. Life isn't a bunch of sunshine ya know.. other people have problems too... probably a lot worse then yours. So stop wallowing in your own self pity and be happy for once. Stop enjoying the fact that you can get away with anything if you warn people that your an asshole because no matter how much you try you arn't really one .. you wanna try something challenging .. try and be a nice guy, try being yourself. I bet that would be a REAL challenge for you because there are no excuses to hide behind.
ok I'm done ranting. Again Chris I"m sorry but I had to get it out. I feel mean but I'm hurt and I need to heal.So don't hate me.