full weekend ahead
so let's see here... it's been a LOOOOOOOOOOONG few days. district band was thursday through today, but i swear, it felt like i was there for at least a week, instead of three days.
it was... interesting.
it's hard to explain. sometimes i had fun, sometimes i was indifferent, sometimes i just wanted to get the hell out of there.
i liked being away from home. i did. it gave me a taste of a little bit of freedom, because there were not really any adults following me everywhere... swauger was barely there most of the time, and when we weren't on stage, the directors/conductor people didn't really care what we did. we could go sit out in the hall and play cinch, or just fall asleep in the auditorium, or wander around... they didn't really tell us what we could do... no that's not it... it was that they didn't tell us what we HAD to do during break, like... go eat lunch at this specific time, then be back in the auditorium at this specific time and don't go anywhere else during your break, stay quiet, and stay with your school at all times... kwim?
we were alowed to wander around and make friends with people from other places and see what there was outside of our closed little comfort zone of a school. i met people who'd never even HEARD of indoor percussion or guard, or that their marching bands didn't compete, or they had like eight french horns just in their concert band... there are so many different people out there, so many different ways to look at life... all within our little district three! and then i start to think about how big even pennsylvania is, and how many different lifestyles are withing just one state... or within just one region... or one country... or one continent.... or one planet... it's unfathomable...
as i am not an outwardly social person most of the time, i am extremely proud of myself this weekend. i talked to people i didn't know... i started conversations, i got to know people from my own school better... john p and julia in particular. i started talking to this one kid from my section (who would have guessed that guys played french horn?? lol) simply because he was wearing a Legend of Zelda t-shirt with a very big picture of my all-time favorite RPG hero - Link! anyway, i got over my shyness and just walked up to him and was like "dude... i like your shirt." at first he was like... "um... okay" and then i mentioned that i was a HUGE zelda fan. we started talking and turns out we have some things in common... such as games... he's much more of a hard-core gamer than i am, but we like the same styles, mostly RPG, PLUS i guess he's really good at DDR too... i've always loved that game, i wish i could get it for our playstation... but alas i am poor... well, maybe i can check out ebay for some good deals?
but i digress... so i started talking to him, and he introduced me to some of his friends, and we all started talking... i was extremely pleased with myself. i never usually go out of the realm of the comfort of the people i know... and here i had made acquaintance with not one, but four other people with which i had not previously made acquaintance. but i guess there were some factors that lead me to seek friendship elsewhere... anyway, i suppose everything happens for a reason, eh?
i just finished watching my all-time favorite movie ever - "Life as a House" with Hayden Christensen... damn he is so hott in that movie... but it's such a good storyline... needless to say it made me cry a few times... it's just so.... inspiring. it was nice, i really needed to watch a movie like that... after a few things that happened this weekend, or rather didn't happen, i needed to just have a way to vent emotion besides the usual curl-up-on-my-bed-and-wallow-in-despair outlet.
yet again, i digress. so the weekend was okay, if anything i'm just more confused about things. i'm still trying to make sense of what all went on over these past few... weeks. i think i've lost something forever, but i'm not sure if i'm upset about it... but like julia said, maybe it's just hidden under layers of stress and once this year is all over it will be uncovered. i hope... maybe... i don't know what i hope anymore. maybe i don't hope?
i just want to get out and go to college and maybe figure some things out on my own for once. try some things the way that i think they might benifit myself and work things out without the burden of too much guidance...
and maybe find myself a boyfriend ;) that'd always be nice, lol. college boys are cute. i don't need a hott one... a cute one will suffice... the cute ones are always nicer, anyway.
problem is most of the nice cute ones are gay... *shrugs* what's a girl to do?
oh well. this entry is already way too long for my attention span, let alone all zero of you that actually read the garbage i put in here, so i'll sign off.
until next time...
~jewel
it was... interesting.
it's hard to explain. sometimes i had fun, sometimes i was indifferent, sometimes i just wanted to get the hell out of there.
i liked being away from home. i did. it gave me a taste of a little bit of freedom, because there were not really any adults following me everywhere... swauger was barely there most of the time, and when we weren't on stage, the directors/conductor people didn't really care what we did. we could go sit out in the hall and play cinch, or just fall asleep in the auditorium, or wander around... they didn't really tell us what we could do... no that's not it... it was that they didn't tell us what we HAD to do during break, like... go eat lunch at this specific time, then be back in the auditorium at this specific time and don't go anywhere else during your break, stay quiet, and stay with your school at all times... kwim?
we were alowed to wander around and make friends with people from other places and see what there was outside of our closed little comfort zone of a school. i met people who'd never even HEARD of indoor percussion or guard, or that their marching bands didn't compete, or they had like eight french horns just in their concert band... there are so many different people out there, so many different ways to look at life... all within our little district three! and then i start to think about how big even pennsylvania is, and how many different lifestyles are withing just one state... or within just one region... or one country... or one continent.... or one planet... it's unfathomable...
as i am not an outwardly social person most of the time, i am extremely proud of myself this weekend. i talked to people i didn't know... i started conversations, i got to know people from my own school better... john p and julia in particular. i started talking to this one kid from my section (who would have guessed that guys played french horn?? lol) simply because he was wearing a Legend of Zelda t-shirt with a very big picture of my all-time favorite RPG hero - Link! anyway, i got over my shyness and just walked up to him and was like "dude... i like your shirt." at first he was like... "um... okay" and then i mentioned that i was a HUGE zelda fan. we started talking and turns out we have some things in common... such as games... he's much more of a hard-core gamer than i am, but we like the same styles, mostly RPG, PLUS i guess he's really good at DDR too... i've always loved that game, i wish i could get it for our playstation... but alas i am poor... well, maybe i can check out ebay for some good deals?
but i digress... so i started talking to him, and he introduced me to some of his friends, and we all started talking... i was extremely pleased with myself. i never usually go out of the realm of the comfort of the people i know... and here i had made acquaintance with not one, but four other people with which i had not previously made acquaintance. but i guess there were some factors that lead me to seek friendship elsewhere... anyway, i suppose everything happens for a reason, eh?
i just finished watching my all-time favorite movie ever - "Life as a House" with Hayden Christensen... damn he is so hott in that movie... but it's such a good storyline... needless to say it made me cry a few times... it's just so.... inspiring. it was nice, i really needed to watch a movie like that... after a few things that happened this weekend, or rather didn't happen, i needed to just have a way to vent emotion besides the usual curl-up-on-my-bed-and-wallow-in-despair outlet.
yet again, i digress. so the weekend was okay, if anything i'm just more confused about things. i'm still trying to make sense of what all went on over these past few... weeks. i think i've lost something forever, but i'm not sure if i'm upset about it... but like julia said, maybe it's just hidden under layers of stress and once this year is all over it will be uncovered. i hope... maybe... i don't know what i hope anymore. maybe i don't hope?
i just want to get out and go to college and maybe figure some things out on my own for once. try some things the way that i think they might benifit myself and work things out without the burden of too much guidance...
and maybe find myself a boyfriend ;) that'd always be nice, lol. college boys are cute. i don't need a hott one... a cute one will suffice... the cute ones are always nicer, anyway.
problem is most of the nice cute ones are gay... *shrugs* what's a girl to do?
oh well. this entry is already way too long for my attention span, let alone all zero of you that actually read the garbage i put in here, so i'll sign off.
until next time...
~jewel