(no subject)
I wonder if it's possble to pick things up where they left off, and pretend nothing's changed. ..Something has. I don't know. It wasn't really me or really them, or really the view of the Cascades from the bus to the city or the way my house smells. Nothing's moved. Part of me wants to pretend Tucson's been a dream, a flutter of an idea that never made any sense at all. But whatever's different isn't bad, anyway. Just noticeable. I don't look at people the same way, I suppose.
Sometimes it makes me sad because I used to think everyone was so good, and maybe I still think it, but people scare me anyway.
But I like looking closer. There's Jack, who's unconvetionally beautiful and reserved. It's amazing. When she tells you something she means, it's like she's given you a knife and the permission to slit her throat, because she believes you won't do it. The way she is makes me want to believe in some sort of a God, though I don't know why.
Katie gets so depressed sometimes, and she'll push me away like it's my fault. I'll wait, and she'll come and cry on my shoulder, and then smile a little, and we'll both fall asleep on the floor. She's secretly vulnerable.
I don't know what to say about Hope. She wants and doesn't know how to try. She means so well, and it's so sweet that you can't help loving her faults more than her virtues. She'll either die young or live forever, if they aren't the same thing.
Britney always knows. All I have to do is look at her and she knows and makes hot coa coa and plays with my hair. Sometimes she's eight years old with ribbons in her hair, and sometimes she's older than she should have to be.
Savanna is my soul mate. We have the same fears and hopes and weaknesses. We like being kissed right below our jaw bones. We even go through bouts of insomnia at the same time and stay up all night talking and chain-smoking together. She's this free-spirited hippie stoner, and it's almost like seeing some exotic bird in a cage, her being there. I think she's frustrated, but creative enough to bend the bars.
And there's me. I've no idea what to say, but I like that.
Sometimes it makes me sad because I used to think everyone was so good, and maybe I still think it, but people scare me anyway.
But I like looking closer. There's Jack, who's unconvetionally beautiful and reserved. It's amazing. When she tells you something she means, it's like she's given you a knife and the permission to slit her throat, because she believes you won't do it. The way she is makes me want to believe in some sort of a God, though I don't know why.
Katie gets so depressed sometimes, and she'll push me away like it's my fault. I'll wait, and she'll come and cry on my shoulder, and then smile a little, and we'll both fall asleep on the floor. She's secretly vulnerable.
I don't know what to say about Hope. She wants and doesn't know how to try. She means so well, and it's so sweet that you can't help loving her faults more than her virtues. She'll either die young or live forever, if they aren't the same thing.
Britney always knows. All I have to do is look at her and she knows and makes hot coa coa and plays with my hair. Sometimes she's eight years old with ribbons in her hair, and sometimes she's older than she should have to be.
Savanna is my soul mate. We have the same fears and hopes and weaknesses. We like being kissed right below our jaw bones. We even go through bouts of insomnia at the same time and stay up all night talking and chain-smoking together. She's this free-spirited hippie stoner, and it's almost like seeing some exotic bird in a cage, her being there. I think she's frustrated, but creative enough to bend the bars.
And there's me. I've no idea what to say, but I like that.