[eunhyuk/donghae] running blind with eyes wide open [part nine - i]

[catskilt]

Running Blind With Eyes Wide Open by catskilt
eunhyuk/donghae
nc-17; 3,600 words; multi-chapter
there was a lifetime in each other, if they chose to see it.

part zero; a moment | part one; a past | part two; a denial | part three; a growing up | part four; a togetherness | part five; a separation | part six; a confession | part seven; a quarrel | part

Comments

[lamppy]

I was wondering all this time what are you going to do with them from now on, and some of my suspects are confirmed. Or rather they will be.

First, I really hoped for some sad-Heechul/encouraging-Donghae scene… I feel like that would be good for Donghae to occupy his thoughts with someone else than Hyukjae, and it was perfect opportunity (who am I kidding? I just love Heechul/Donghae scenes and you would write it so well, that’s all) I’m somehow glad that you didn’t put too much Heechul’s problems though, that would be so much more depressing than it already is.

Second, I’m really glad that you put this little detail about Hyukjae’s ring. I was wondering the same thing you know, I just thought I’ll never know. It felt so nice to know that he still has it in his wallet, no matter how many things they went through or how much pain they relationship cost, or how much he has changed.
I don’t really know what to think about the making love episode. It feels like a bad thing, right? Like a mistake (but they were having sex, how can I be possibly sad about it?!)
Tell you what, there was a really small and hyper naïve part of me which believed that Hyukjae had lube because a) they were lucky b) he planned to do it with Donghae… (I know, I told you, really… OTL)

Of course, it’s still somehow hard for me to accept that Hyukjae is sleeping with anyone else (and possibly a guy? I thought he was gay only for Donghae, but well, forget it). It makes sense though with "I'm messed up. I don't deserve…" and with those outside work friends.. And this silence after the act, like he was thinking and regretting.
But it still somehow sweet that he wanted Donghae so badly. Maybe he is messed up and maybe it was only for one night, but he undoubtedly wanted him and even wanted to warn him, because he isn’t that bad after all.

I didn’t like when everybody were calling Donghae childish, but now he really is. He is because he can’t really see the consequences of his actions; he seeks for comfort from Hyukjae, not realizing that in the end it will be much worse. Hyukjae on the other hand is trying to keep their relations clear, because he always tries to be responsible, but somehow he ends up hurt too (and maybe because of that, because Donghae loves simply and blindly, and selfishly but Hyukjae actually thinks and his internal conflicts seem to hurt him the most).
It’s hard to expect from them to know what to do, though. Their situation isn’t typical. And I’m really afraid about them now, because 1) title of this chapter really 2) you already proved that you can keep those unstable, ambiguous, bittersweet romances between them so…

[catskilt]

Dumps lots of love on your comment <333

Originally Heechul was going to play a slightly bigger role but in the end I decided not to draw it out - it would be sort of unnecessary to the whole story and it's already long enough, lol.

Yes - Hyukjae did try to stop them and tell Donghae, but I guess he's just unable to control himself when Donghae's in that kind of mood? He indulges Donghae too much! And I totally agree with Donghae being childish in his method of loving, he definitely loves with all his soul and devotion but sometimes he demands just a wee bit much..