so you want to be a flight attendant ..
yoony's personal favourites: #3, and #13. enjoy!
May 16, 2004
Chicago Daily Herald
Grounded Advice for Flight Attendant Wannabes
By Gail Todd
Recently, I received e-mail from two readers who thought flying
sounded like an exotic career and asked me if I would do it all over
again. So when I met two old flying cronies for lunch, I asked them
the same question.
We put our heads together and came up with a training guide for anyone
who is considering a career as a flight attendant and is looking for
the adventure of air travel. Here it is:
1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army
sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same
outfit for three consecutive days.
2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours.
Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home.
Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and
place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the
boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back.
4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is
plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal.
Run them all night.
5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a hot
oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out.
Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family.
6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their
meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to
scream at you and complain about the service.
7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours
later when you're really hungry.
8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall.
Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from
your family's meal.
9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible.
Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the
most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the
night.
10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and
randomly scatter your husband's wing-tips and loafers along the way.
Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle
while banging your shins against the chair
legs and tripping over the shoes.
11. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold
sweet roll. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they
leave for work and school.
12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard.
If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the
cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to
pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another
30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.
13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up
carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and
eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you'll be ready for your
wake-up call.
14. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be
ready to work your first international trip.
15. Several years ago, on a flight out of Denver, my flying partner
was half-buried in a cart trying to rescue the last few entrees from a
meal cart. A passenger asked her what she was doing. Without
removing her head from the carrier, she responded: "I'm looking for
the glamour in this job."
And yes, I would do it all over again. So would my flying partners.
Go figure.
May 16, 2004
Chicago Daily Herald
Grounded Advice for Flight Attendant Wannabes
By Gail Todd
Recently, I received e-mail from two readers who thought flying
sounded like an exotic career and asked me if I would do it all over
again. So when I met two old flying cronies for lunch, I asked them
the same question.
We put our heads together and came up with a training guide for anyone
who is considering a career as a flight attendant and is looking for
the adventure of air travel. Here it is:
1. Go to a resale store and find an old, navy suit that an army
sergeant might have worn. Add a white shirt and a tie. Wear the same
outfit for three consecutive days.
2. Go to an airport and watch airplanes take off for several hours.
Pretend you are standing by for them and they are all full. Go home.
Return to the airport the next day and do the same thing again.
3. Fill several large boxes with rocks. Lift them over your head and
place them on the top shelf of a closet. Slam the door shut until the
boxes fit. Do this until you feel a disk slip in your back.
4. Turn on a radio. Be sure to set it between stations so there is
plenty of static. Turn on the vacuum cleaner and garbage disposal.
Run them all night.
5. Remove the covers from several TV entrees. Place them in a hot
oven. Leave the food in the oven until it's completely dried out.
Remove the hot trays with your bare hands. Serve to your family.
6. Serve your family a beverage one hour after they've received their
meal. Make them remain in their seats during this time. Ask them to
scream at you and complain about the service.
7. Scrounge uneaten rolls off the plates for you to eat two hours
later when you're really hungry.
8. Place a straight-backed chair in a closet facing a blank wall.
Use a belt to strap yourself into it. Eat the rolls you saved from
your family's meal.
9. Ask your family to use the bathroom as frequently as possible.
Tell them to make splashing water a game and see who can leave the
most disgusting mess. Clean the bathroom every hour throughout the
night.
10. Make a narrow aisle between several dining room chairs and
randomly scatter your husband's wing-tips and loafers along the way.
Turn off the lights and spend the night walking up and down the aisle
while banging your shins against the chair
legs and tripping over the shoes.
11. Gently wake your family in the morning and serve them a cold
sweet roll. Don't forget to smile and wish them a nice day when they
leave for work and school.
12. After the family leaves, take a suitcase and go out in the yard.
If it's not raining, turn on the sprinkling system and stand in the
cold for 30 minutes pretending like you're waiting for the crew bus to
pick you up. Then go inside and wait by your bedroom door for another
30 minutes for an imaginary maid to make up your room.
13. Change into street clothes and shop for five hours. Pick up
carry-out food from a local deli. Go back home. Sit on your bed and
eat your meal. Set your alarm for 3 a.m. so you'll be ready for your
wake-up call.
14. Repeat the above schedule for three days in a row and you'll be
ready to work your first international trip.
15. Several years ago, on a flight out of Denver, my flying partner
was half-buried in a cart trying to rescue the last few entrees from a
meal cart. A passenger asked her what she was doing. Without
removing her head from the carrier, she responded: "I'm looking for
the glamour in this job."
And yes, I would do it all over again. So would my flying partners.
Go figure.