(no subject)
Today is just one of those days in which I need to get over this hump/slump I am in. I have been ok this weekend. Maybe its b/c I have been semi-busy, but I doubt that. Who knows though. Tonight is just not good. I am very excited to go to Vegas believe me, but part of me is still here and always gonna be for a long time. I want to just let out a scream but feel no one hears me. I want to just cry, but there is no shoulder there. I want to just smile, but no one is looking. I miss that feeling, the feeling knowing that that friend, that good friend is there for you. I know the friend is, I dont need calls or messages to know that. I think about it more now, then I did before, is that odd? I cant forget anything, I can not seperate this out. I feel lost. I understand and know that if someone is not in it, how can it be right now, but they are, at least I think they are. Maybe its just me wanting that......maybe its just me thinking that.....maybe its just me hoping that the next day that friend will be back to the way it was, realizing a mistake was made but good came out of it. These are just thoughts, not wishes, and I can only hope one day down the road this person works out what they are and who they are and we can sit down and discuss what is still out there b/c things are still missing. I am just rambling and none of this makes sense probably, but it is for me so I guess that is ok. Its obvious what I am feeling but I dont want to make it known. Or do I? I feel not seeing this friend is just gonna bring his face and heart stronger into my life. His joy that once lit me up is now not there. I am still happy but its like a headlight is out on my car and I can barely see in front of me.
Yesterday I got hit from behind. A car smacked into me at a red light. I am ok. But what if I wasnt, would my feelings have ever been known? What if not, were would I have been? Would I want to know the truth? I dont know. I just hope that one day instead of things going back the way they were, I hope they go back into place with the heart that was and is still there. Ok this is kind of deep for me right now and my eyes cant handle this anymore. I bid you all goodnight. Have a good week everyone, and update me with info on my phone if you want bc I miss everyone.
Sigh...