forgive me . . .
cant believe a slimy boy could have such an impact. infiltrating, and invading. feeding on my is-ness. not enough to fight the wave of indifference he walks in. his lack of recognition of "me" makes me feel small, unwanted, ugly, pathetic, judgemental. swimming in old thoughts, old ideas, old feelings, he pervades my entire essence because i let him walk over me one too many times. but no complaining, just a statement of what - is. maybe i just need to face it, face that i let him meddle with me, let too many meddle with me, and that's caused this sudden dreariness in my sight. A MONTH infiltration, hopefully a change in scenergy, a change in flavor, a change is abreast. activate the change baby. i let him mess with me, he wins, right? he decided to be cold, to use me, and i said ok, with it, i wanted to change his insides for the better, but what is better? in my eyes, in his eyes. god, do i feel gross. do i feel cheap, and dirty. do i feel small, and ugly. do i feel like my essence has been crushed by this cheap boy. but i let him do it - so there is NOTHING i can complain about it, except to accept it, and be weary of these inconsiderate, cold types. inconsiderate boys, they seem to be everywhere, maybe in their evolution. my brother thinks his girlfriend is perfect. no, of course she doesnt ACT perfect. . to him she IS perfect in her being. why must i be so blind to the way he acts towards me? cant deny that i am sensitive, cant deny that i was short-sighted but i knew this long ago. time to mend myself to this. time to post this, make peace, and move forward - because a bigger, brighter, higher vision awaits. my apologies to myself, to him, to everyone for such poor choices, let me learn this time.