trying to face this feeling with grace : ?
ah, feeling tired tonight. awareness.
really full. quiet. reflective.
my plants arent too healthy. is this a reflection of my lifestyle?
office work is wearing at me. the repetitive motions. the routine. the flourescent lights. the same energies swirling around.
i feel like my life is being swallowed by some idea that i have to be there. i know that in a few months i wont be there anymore. but then what? it's the fear of unknown. something different. change. but what about security? life is abundant this i know. but there must be a plan. sigh.
it's not so much what we do but HOW we do it.
i think i've been spending more time trying to notice how i react to people. the things i say. the vibe i give. it does require a lot of energy at times, and sometimes i wonder if this should be spontaneous. but it does involve mastery of the mind. am i half assing it?
open to limitless possibilities.
emptying my mind and heart, so that God can fill me to the brim.
LOVE. there is SO MUCH to see. to feel. to learn. to understand. it's ENDLESS. it's incredible this awareness.
but i wonder what that perception is based on?
your beliefs create the reality you are in.
dissect, understand, evolve.
a complete THOUGHT. no conflict.
am i just living in conflict?
peace is no conflict of the mind, heart, soul. harmonizing. in peace.
AWARENESS - PEACE ?
how are they related?
one can be excited about the future. . but the future is indeed imaginary. yes tomorrow i shall wake up . . but that is a conditioned response. . expected. .
what about now?
always now.
there is no where to go. stay here in the moment.
notice what's going on now.
my neck feels stiff. my tummy feels full. my shoulders slightly ache. my head hurts. i feel a little dull from mindnumbing activities all day long in front of the computer.
what i want:
my plants to be alive, healthy, and thriving.
a different lifestyle - where im learning things im passionate about, and interested in.
this will give me the feeling that indeed i AM ALIVE.
we are ALL ALIVE.
why have i chosen to be this actress? can i play a different role?
so far i like my role, but i want to hone some things. .
like: being calm, being at ease, understanding myself, being humble and open to let in the light of THE SOURCE and The Great Unseen.
GOD. Life is So Amazing. So Incredible. It Makes Me Weep In Gratitude.
sometimes im overcome with this feeling of uncertainty - like what am i to do?
what am i to do to be free?
how do i be liberal with myself and extend that to others?
acceptance and non judgement.
but these things are to be effortless, and with the desire to do these things - come the selfish desire of one's own progress - is that selfish? is it selfish progess to want to open up?
to exert good energy into the world?
i want to understand my desire. the desire of his lean, tall body.
the desire for comfort, and sleep.
the desire for fulfillment and satisfaction.
what we all seek (right?)
is there a battle of good vs. evil?
do i have to "fight" the evil? or can i just let them be in peace?
can i just rest assured that ultimately all will be saved. and that disharmony, and disaccord will settle. . and that what only exists is the awareness of truth and love.
truth is not some idea OUT THERE. truth is not an idea in someone's head.
truth is perfect. truth is now. truth is flowing. flowing. flowing.
maybe i dont know. and i need to know that i dont know.
and with the not knowing, i let in deeper knowledge? and deeper understanding?
let experience flow. dont force things. let them arise, learn, see, be open to what it reveals, never judge or dismiss. let it flow in. . feel it through. . and let it flow out. . and with that. . comes awareness . . and with that comes the knowledge of being. . and with that we're closer to living and life. . and we start to rise from our sleeping state. . our dismal consciousness that is limited by structured thoughts. . by society's statements of what should be. . by fear and competition. . by the ambition to get somewhere else. . to become something other than what we are not. .
we are holy. we can rest assured in that. and come what may, i stand here.. open with my arm's wide. . letting go of my misperceptions. . and cleansing my heart to be free for you and me.
love.
~
really full. quiet. reflective.
my plants arent too healthy. is this a reflection of my lifestyle?
office work is wearing at me. the repetitive motions. the routine. the flourescent lights. the same energies swirling around.
i feel like my life is being swallowed by some idea that i have to be there. i know that in a few months i wont be there anymore. but then what? it's the fear of unknown. something different. change. but what about security? life is abundant this i know. but there must be a plan. sigh.
it's not so much what we do but HOW we do it.
i think i've been spending more time trying to notice how i react to people. the things i say. the vibe i give. it does require a lot of energy at times, and sometimes i wonder if this should be spontaneous. but it does involve mastery of the mind. am i half assing it?
open to limitless possibilities.
emptying my mind and heart, so that God can fill me to the brim.
LOVE. there is SO MUCH to see. to feel. to learn. to understand. it's ENDLESS. it's incredible this awareness.
but i wonder what that perception is based on?
your beliefs create the reality you are in.
dissect, understand, evolve.
a complete THOUGHT. no conflict.
am i just living in conflict?
peace is no conflict of the mind, heart, soul. harmonizing. in peace.
AWARENESS - PEACE ?
how are they related?
one can be excited about the future. . but the future is indeed imaginary. yes tomorrow i shall wake up . . but that is a conditioned response. . expected. .
what about now?
always now.
there is no where to go. stay here in the moment.
notice what's going on now.
my neck feels stiff. my tummy feels full. my shoulders slightly ache. my head hurts. i feel a little dull from mindnumbing activities all day long in front of the computer.
what i want:
my plants to be alive, healthy, and thriving.
a different lifestyle - where im learning things im passionate about, and interested in.
this will give me the feeling that indeed i AM ALIVE.
we are ALL ALIVE.
why have i chosen to be this actress? can i play a different role?
so far i like my role, but i want to hone some things. .
like: being calm, being at ease, understanding myself, being humble and open to let in the light of THE SOURCE and The Great Unseen.
GOD. Life is So Amazing. So Incredible. It Makes Me Weep In Gratitude.
sometimes im overcome with this feeling of uncertainty - like what am i to do?
what am i to do to be free?
how do i be liberal with myself and extend that to others?
acceptance and non judgement.
but these things are to be effortless, and with the desire to do these things - come the selfish desire of one's own progress - is that selfish? is it selfish progess to want to open up?
to exert good energy into the world?
i want to understand my desire. the desire of his lean, tall body.
the desire for comfort, and sleep.
the desire for fulfillment and satisfaction.
what we all seek (right?)
is there a battle of good vs. evil?
do i have to "fight" the evil? or can i just let them be in peace?
can i just rest assured that ultimately all will be saved. and that disharmony, and disaccord will settle. . and that what only exists is the awareness of truth and love.
truth is not some idea OUT THERE. truth is not an idea in someone's head.
truth is perfect. truth is now. truth is flowing. flowing. flowing.
maybe i dont know. and i need to know that i dont know.
and with the not knowing, i let in deeper knowledge? and deeper understanding?
let experience flow. dont force things. let them arise, learn, see, be open to what it reveals, never judge or dismiss. let it flow in. . feel it through. . and let it flow out. . and with that. . comes awareness . . and with that comes the knowledge of being. . and with that we're closer to living and life. . and we start to rise from our sleeping state. . our dismal consciousness that is limited by structured thoughts. . by society's statements of what should be. . by fear and competition. . by the ambition to get somewhere else. . to become something other than what we are not. .
we are holy. we can rest assured in that. and come what may, i stand here.. open with my arm's wide. . letting go of my misperceptions. . and cleansing my heart to be free for you and me.
love.
~