(no subject)

[jewelianne]

Lately I've been too busy to think ... and i've almost been too busy to feel. I certainly haven't had time to read all the wonderful books people keep lending to me. But I suppose that I have been having a lot of interesting... um...adventures. Although I don't know if you could really call my experiences adventures...hmmm.

Tonight I finally have time to sleep, but of course I can't. And so I am being hit head on with "the void" and lots of thoughts. But my thoughts are always cirrcular and never accomplish anything. I thought money would make me happy but that's only good for material things. I thought alcohol would make me happy, but you can only drink so much. I thought lovers would make me complete but it only lasts while you're with them. I thought lots of friends would make me happy, but now I feel like I am constantly letting everyone down. I thought reading books would make me wise and intellectually fufilled, but there's always so much more to learn. I love the questions, I honestly do, but sometimes I want some fucking answers.

I don't mean to sound depressed, I'm not...at least I don't think I am. But is this what it is to live? Does anyone ever really understand?