"rearrange me 'till i'm sane...."...
So I've been quite well for a while now, and I think perhaps I never had mono to begin with, which I'd be okay with. But I went for another insanely cold walk today so that can't be good for my health. I certainly hope it has no bad effects...
Anyways I've had a good couple of days. I've hung out with some of my cool friends-yes, there is a disctinction- and I've done a lot of other intersting things too. People who I supposed drink green tea things. If you don't know the story, screw you because I'm not explaining what that meant. But anyways I've been pretty good.
I've FINALLY done some painting too-probably because I've almost given up on writing for a while because it's such a hopeless case and i have to have some way to express myself. But anyways, i've been painting. I've been using a lot of nail polish-despite the fact that it has gelatin, shut up- and though I am getting some lovely results I think maybe the fumes are starting to get to my brain. I think I need to ventilate my room better. haha. Turn on the fan or something, even if it is colder than death in here.
But seriously guys.... sometimes I don't know what is going on inside my head. Am I doing what's right? Am I making mistakes? Will things ever ever EVER fall perfectly into place? Or is part of life the fear that we have in what we do? I've gone great lengths to develop my sense of self and really listen to myself this year, i'm doing a superb job I must say, and over all I'm very happy....but....there's that nagging feeling. I've become a lot more impulsive....but I don't know how to feel about that. Am I going to regret this? How will it change things?
And then...does it matter at all?
Anyways I've had a good couple of days. I've hung out with some of my cool friends-yes, there is a disctinction- and I've done a lot of other intersting things too. People who I supposed drink green tea things. If you don't know the story, screw you because I'm not explaining what that meant. But anyways I've been pretty good.
I've FINALLY done some painting too-probably because I've almost given up on writing for a while because it's such a hopeless case and i have to have some way to express myself. But anyways, i've been painting. I've been using a lot of nail polish-despite the fact that it has gelatin, shut up- and though I am getting some lovely results I think maybe the fumes are starting to get to my brain. I think I need to ventilate my room better. haha. Turn on the fan or something, even if it is colder than death in here.
But seriously guys.... sometimes I don't know what is going on inside my head. Am I doing what's right? Am I making mistakes? Will things ever ever EVER fall perfectly into place? Or is part of life the fear that we have in what we do? I've gone great lengths to develop my sense of self and really listen to myself this year, i'm doing a superb job I must say, and over all I'm very happy....but....there's that nagging feeling. I've become a lot more impulsive....but I don't know how to feel about that. Am I going to regret this? How will it change things?
And then...does it matter at all?