My longest entry EVER
First and foremost, I have been invited to a louge(lounge?)/ birthday party for someone who goes by the name of seamus. Seamus lives on some street called Senator (that is apparently in Roseville) But unfourntunately this mystery man wants me to bring my own liquor. Even though he insists that there will be a keg (and goodys!) Right about now I'll bet you are saying "what the hell is that? and who the hell is Seamus?" I'd like to know too. So if you know anything about Seamus, please let me know... I do have a small amount of liqour (ja ha ha)
Even though I've been really busy lately, I'm finding time to update twice in one day... can you tell how much I want to stop with the Algebra? ha ha...
Anyways tomorrow will be quite the eventful day in the life of Julianne. Math test... job interview (if I decide to go...it sounds far far too good to be true)... work...for an extra hour because the sadist (if you're Shannon you know who I mean, and if you aren't, you don't really want to know) wants me to work, even though she said one of the other women wanted me too. (lying creep!) And why is that? because Santa is finding time in his busy toy-making schedule to visit EPL, tomorrow night only. Joy. I can hear all those screaming kids now...
But anyways, now for the real point of this entry. To post my long awaited memoir that I wrote way back in September. I read it in class yesterday and am now enthusiastic about it again. i was afraid everyone would call me an idiot because it's stupid, i was so afraid of this that I made Cassie agree to pretend to laugh at the funny parts. I told her I would wink when it was a funny part. But as it turns out... she didn't have too, because everyone laughed at it anyways... maybe that's because I was laughing at it...ha ha... but I'd like to believe that the paper had merit as well, because Angela did say it was funny too... hmmm... anyways... here it is... hidden behind and LJ cut, because it's damn long. Read it anyways, you'll laugh, you'll cry...you'll cringe...
How I Escaped Marriage to the “Very Manly Rooster”
Gather closely children and you shall hear the story of the four most harrowing months of my life. This is not a pleasant story, and is not for the weak of heart.
I was barely fifteen when I first met Josh. I was just beginning tenth grade, finally in high school, and it was already shaping up to be a great year. I was finally involved in school activities, I was getting A’s in honors classes, and my small circle of friends had expanded considerably. Yes, everything was almost perfect. But when things are almost perfect, they always feel much worse than they are. I felt as though something was missing in my life. I decided that missing thing was a boyfriend. At fifteen I had never had a boyfriend.
Enter Josh. Josh seemed like everything I had wanted in a boyfriend. He was nice, he played guitar in a band, and he liked Nirvana-which was the only band I could listen to at the time. Josh was acquainted with both my brother and my childhood best friend, and they both held the belief that we would make a good couple. But being the shy fifteen-year-old adult that I was, I was afraid to ask Josh out. As the time passed and I became even busier with school and activities, I nearly forgot about the boyfriend void that I had previously wanted so desperately to fill.
And then quite unexpectedly one day Josh asked me out. He did not ask me out in the traditional way, however, instead he asked me out by proxy, through my brother! Although this seemed slightly odd I agreed to go out with him. That Friday night was our first time hanging out together. We decided to talk and watch television in his basement, a place that I was to spend the majority of my free time over the next sixth months, and which I cannot think of even now without some sense of horror. Josh asked me how I felt about having a relationship. I wasn’t sure exactly, him being my first boyfriend, and so I told him, “I don’t want a serious relationship right now.” Josh cocked his head, and seemed to ponder for a moment before answering, “What do you mean? I think of a serious relationship as marriage.”
And thus I left behind my life of sanity and embarked into unknown territory of the mentally unsound, what I have since named the Josh zone. We had been dating one week to the day when Josh decided it was high time he told me he loved me. He followed me to chemistry class, sat down in the desk beside me, despite the fact that his own class was only moments from starting, and spoke to me in a soft voice. “Julianne, I love you.” He gazed expectantly at me, his eyes all aglow with some false adoration, as though he could not wait for the words to echo back to him. But I stated softly that I could not love him. His face hardened, and he sighed. “Why don’t you love me?” Ah, such simple words… yet they seemed so inept in that context.
And so life continued this way from day to day, week to week. I tried to explain my feelings-or lack thereof- for Josh, and he argued with everything I said. Soon he was asking me how many things I felt we had to “go through” before we could be a real couple, and suggesting we buy one Slurpee at 7-11 with two straws so that we could become a “super couple” whatever the hell that was supposed to be. He had suggested several times that we get married as well. When I didn’t answer him either way, he assumed that meant that I had said yes, and that we were going to get married right after high school. When I didn’t know the answer to one of his inquiries he would ask the extremely intelligent question: “Why don’t you know?” Another weird quirk of his was his strange bouncy walk. Most people said he walked like a chicken. When he questioned me self-consciously one day I told him, no he did not walk like a chicken, but instead like a very manly rooster. In hindsight it seems very mean, but at the time it was a way of survival.
However this all came to a head about three months into our relationship when his grandmother began calling me on the phone to discuss her day. I had only seen glimpses of his grandmother before, for even though he lived with her she rarely came out in daylight, and to this day I’m not quite sure that she wasn’t a vampire. Josh had been late to his classes repetitively because he was so busy following me to my classes, and he was in danger of failing. His grandmother wanted to know what I was going to do about it. I tried to calm her down, and after a twenty-minute conversation she was slightly appeased. After that there were less mysterious clicks, as if the other line were being hung up whenever I spoke to Josh on the phone… Next Josh took my roller-skating, which I did not want to do. I had never learned to skate, but Josh insisted we go. For three hours he zoomed around the rink, while I tried my best to stand…and got knocked over by skaters half my size. Ah, what a horrible night. As were leaving the rink, we went to pick up our shoes as one is accustomed to after a night of skating. However Josh’s shoes were nowhere to be found. He laid down on one of the Great Skate benches and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes not seeing and his ears not hearing. He uttered only one short sentence, “I love you.” I felt bad for him and so I told him softly that I loved him; I thought that it would be a little white lie, which he would forget in the shadow of his purloined shoes. And I felt guilty for not loving him, when he was always saying he loved me, perhaps, I reasoned it would make us both feel better. Oh was I ever wrong. Josh stated continuously for the next half an hour that he “couldn’t believe that I loved him…” so that at last I was forced to admit the truth. “I don’t love you Josh, I lied.”
That night as I watched him walk out of my car, his feet curled into balls as they made contact with the snow I realized something. I would never love Josh, and neither of us would ever be happy. So the next day I broke up with him. He fought me about it, as was expected for at least fifteen minutes, but at last the conversation ended with him saying that he “quit too” and slamming down the phone. I smiled as I heard that loud click. Never again would I have to see Josh. It felt wonderful.
Of course things were not that simple. For the next year I had to put up with Josh calling me about his new relationships and trying to get me to come over to his basement so he could play my guitar. I had to listen to his grandma tell him to clean his pants. I had to keep receiving notes from him, in which he could not spell simple words, and in which he never really did get the fact that I had broken up with him. But as I entered twelfth grade, these occurrences tapered at last, and I reentered the world of the sane.
In some ways I did grow from the relationship. I learned that I must trust my instincts, instead of waiting and hoping things will work out right way, because they rarely do. I knew from the beginning that Josh wasn’t right for me, but I spent four months being his girlfriend. I also realized that when something is missing in your life, sometimes there’s a reason for that… the time isn’t always right, and you shouldn’t force things that aren’t meant to be. I shouldn’t have tried to change Josh, and I shouldn’t have tired to change myself for him. If I had never dated Josh, I may never have learned any of this and for that I thank him. But that’s the only thing.
woo, if you read that...you rock.
Now...back to Algebra.
Even though I've been really busy lately, I'm finding time to update twice in one day... can you tell how much I want to stop with the Algebra? ha ha...
Anyways tomorrow will be quite the eventful day in the life of Julianne. Math test... job interview (if I decide to go...it sounds far far too good to be true)... work...for an extra hour because the sadist (if you're Shannon you know who I mean, and if you aren't, you don't really want to know) wants me to work, even though she said one of the other women wanted me too. (lying creep!) And why is that? because Santa is finding time in his busy toy-making schedule to visit EPL, tomorrow night only. Joy. I can hear all those screaming kids now...
But anyways, now for the real point of this entry. To post my long awaited memoir that I wrote way back in September. I read it in class yesterday and am now enthusiastic about it again. i was afraid everyone would call me an idiot because it's stupid, i was so afraid of this that I made Cassie agree to pretend to laugh at the funny parts. I told her I would wink when it was a funny part. But as it turns out... she didn't have too, because everyone laughed at it anyways... maybe that's because I was laughing at it...ha ha... but I'd like to believe that the paper had merit as well, because Angela did say it was funny too... hmmm... anyways... here it is... hidden behind and LJ cut, because it's damn long. Read it anyways, you'll laugh, you'll cry...you'll cringe...
How I Escaped Marriage to the “Very Manly Rooster”
Gather closely children and you shall hear the story of the four most harrowing months of my life. This is not a pleasant story, and is not for the weak of heart.
I was barely fifteen when I first met Josh. I was just beginning tenth grade, finally in high school, and it was already shaping up to be a great year. I was finally involved in school activities, I was getting A’s in honors classes, and my small circle of friends had expanded considerably. Yes, everything was almost perfect. But when things are almost perfect, they always feel much worse than they are. I felt as though something was missing in my life. I decided that missing thing was a boyfriend. At fifteen I had never had a boyfriend.
Enter Josh. Josh seemed like everything I had wanted in a boyfriend. He was nice, he played guitar in a band, and he liked Nirvana-which was the only band I could listen to at the time. Josh was acquainted with both my brother and my childhood best friend, and they both held the belief that we would make a good couple. But being the shy fifteen-year-old adult that I was, I was afraid to ask Josh out. As the time passed and I became even busier with school and activities, I nearly forgot about the boyfriend void that I had previously wanted so desperately to fill.
And then quite unexpectedly one day Josh asked me out. He did not ask me out in the traditional way, however, instead he asked me out by proxy, through my brother! Although this seemed slightly odd I agreed to go out with him. That Friday night was our first time hanging out together. We decided to talk and watch television in his basement, a place that I was to spend the majority of my free time over the next sixth months, and which I cannot think of even now without some sense of horror. Josh asked me how I felt about having a relationship. I wasn’t sure exactly, him being my first boyfriend, and so I told him, “I don’t want a serious relationship right now.” Josh cocked his head, and seemed to ponder for a moment before answering, “What do you mean? I think of a serious relationship as marriage.”
And thus I left behind my life of sanity and embarked into unknown territory of the mentally unsound, what I have since named the Josh zone. We had been dating one week to the day when Josh decided it was high time he told me he loved me. He followed me to chemistry class, sat down in the desk beside me, despite the fact that his own class was only moments from starting, and spoke to me in a soft voice. “Julianne, I love you.” He gazed expectantly at me, his eyes all aglow with some false adoration, as though he could not wait for the words to echo back to him. But I stated softly that I could not love him. His face hardened, and he sighed. “Why don’t you love me?” Ah, such simple words… yet they seemed so inept in that context.
And so life continued this way from day to day, week to week. I tried to explain my feelings-or lack thereof- for Josh, and he argued with everything I said. Soon he was asking me how many things I felt we had to “go through” before we could be a real couple, and suggesting we buy one Slurpee at 7-11 with two straws so that we could become a “super couple” whatever the hell that was supposed to be. He had suggested several times that we get married as well. When I didn’t answer him either way, he assumed that meant that I had said yes, and that we were going to get married right after high school. When I didn’t know the answer to one of his inquiries he would ask the extremely intelligent question: “Why don’t you know?” Another weird quirk of his was his strange bouncy walk. Most people said he walked like a chicken. When he questioned me self-consciously one day I told him, no he did not walk like a chicken, but instead like a very manly rooster. In hindsight it seems very mean, but at the time it was a way of survival.
However this all came to a head about three months into our relationship when his grandmother began calling me on the phone to discuss her day. I had only seen glimpses of his grandmother before, for even though he lived with her she rarely came out in daylight, and to this day I’m not quite sure that she wasn’t a vampire. Josh had been late to his classes repetitively because he was so busy following me to my classes, and he was in danger of failing. His grandmother wanted to know what I was going to do about it. I tried to calm her down, and after a twenty-minute conversation she was slightly appeased. After that there were less mysterious clicks, as if the other line were being hung up whenever I spoke to Josh on the phone… Next Josh took my roller-skating, which I did not want to do. I had never learned to skate, but Josh insisted we go. For three hours he zoomed around the rink, while I tried my best to stand…and got knocked over by skaters half my size. Ah, what a horrible night. As were leaving the rink, we went to pick up our shoes as one is accustomed to after a night of skating. However Josh’s shoes were nowhere to be found. He laid down on one of the Great Skate benches and stared up at the ceiling, his eyes not seeing and his ears not hearing. He uttered only one short sentence, “I love you.” I felt bad for him and so I told him softly that I loved him; I thought that it would be a little white lie, which he would forget in the shadow of his purloined shoes. And I felt guilty for not loving him, when he was always saying he loved me, perhaps, I reasoned it would make us both feel better. Oh was I ever wrong. Josh stated continuously for the next half an hour that he “couldn’t believe that I loved him…” so that at last I was forced to admit the truth. “I don’t love you Josh, I lied.”
That night as I watched him walk out of my car, his feet curled into balls as they made contact with the snow I realized something. I would never love Josh, and neither of us would ever be happy. So the next day I broke up with him. He fought me about it, as was expected for at least fifteen minutes, but at last the conversation ended with him saying that he “quit too” and slamming down the phone. I smiled as I heard that loud click. Never again would I have to see Josh. It felt wonderful.
Of course things were not that simple. For the next year I had to put up with Josh calling me about his new relationships and trying to get me to come over to his basement so he could play my guitar. I had to listen to his grandma tell him to clean his pants. I had to keep receiving notes from him, in which he could not spell simple words, and in which he never really did get the fact that I had broken up with him. But as I entered twelfth grade, these occurrences tapered at last, and I reentered the world of the sane.
In some ways I did grow from the relationship. I learned that I must trust my instincts, instead of waiting and hoping things will work out right way, because they rarely do. I knew from the beginning that Josh wasn’t right for me, but I spent four months being his girlfriend. I also realized that when something is missing in your life, sometimes there’s a reason for that… the time isn’t always right, and you shouldn’t force things that aren’t meant to be. I shouldn’t have tried to change Josh, and I shouldn’t have tired to change myself for him. If I had never dated Josh, I may never have learned any of this and for that I thank him. But that’s the only thing.
woo, if you read that...you rock.
Now...back to Algebra.