Crowley's Covert Christmas Fic
TITLE: Moose and Squirrel
SUMMARY: Crowley turns Sam and Dean into a real moose and squirrel. Chaos ensues.
RECIPIENT: smalltrolven
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS: Sam, Dean, Crowley, Cas, Bobby, Gabe
GENRE: Humor
RATING: R for language and brief nudity
SPOILERS (if any): None
The fabulous artwork was drawn by the very talented siennavie
They had a fire going in the fireplace and everyone was just chilling out a bit after a long day. A few beers had been drunk and Crowley made a remark about Sam being as big as a moose. This did not set well with Sam since he had a pretty bad headache after fighting with a couple of demons, one of which had gotten the drop on him and kicked his butt until Bobby got a chance to help him out.
Sam snapped at Crowley and called him a has-been demon with who wasn't as smart as he thought. Of course, this set Crowley off and he asked Sam if he'd like to be an actual moose and see how he liked that. Dean and Bobby were trying to intervene between the two who had both had just a little too much to drink. But neither was backing down.
Sam glared across the table at Crowley and said, "Bring it on, jackass.!" That did it. Suddenly, in Dean's chair at the table was a handsome grey squirrel. It was slightly large than your average squirrel, but still within the normal range. But no one was paying attention to the poor squirrel. All eyes were fixed on the over-sized moose on the loose in the room.
"Holy Crap!" Bobby yelled.. "Crowley, turn him back right now, you idjit! We can't have a live moose running around in here!" But Crowley just sat there laughing loudly. His laugh only got louder as Cas joined Gabe in trying to wrestle the moose out the too-small door for an animal with such large antlers. Bobby kept calling for Dean to come help them, but he was too distracted to really realize that Dean wasn't there.
Finally, Bobby figured out that the best way to get the moose out the door was to back it out, tilt it's head and work the antlers out as best they could. They finally got Sam turned around and mostly out the door. Bobby backed his wheel chair up against the moose to keep it from coming back inside. Cas was outside trying to tilt the animal's head and got kicked a couple of times for his trouble. But after an hour of work, they finally managed to get the moose completely outside. None of the three had known that a moose could bellow that loud. Knowing it was Sam, they didn't want to just let it run free, so Cas got a rope from the car and they tied the moose to a nearby tree. They hadn't even taken four steps back towards the door when the moose bucked up and broke the rope. It ran off into the woods before anyone could reach it.
Crowley stood in the doorway, tears running down his face from laughing so hard. Suddenly, he stopped laughing and began cursing and dancing around, shaking his right leg in a very un-Crowley-like jig. "What the hell?!?" he bellowed as loudly as the moose. "What is going on? Damn squirrel ran up my pants leg! Get it out!" He swatted at it and got bit on the leg for his trouble. The squirrel started doing laps from one leg back to the other, first up the front, then around to the back. Now it was Bobby, Cas and Gabe's turn to laugh hysterically. "Help me you fucknuts! Get this squirrel out of my pants!"
Suddenly the squirrel ran up out of Crowley's pants, up his back and onto his head where it grabbed hold of his hair and sat down. "Get him off my head!" he yelled, swinging his arms wildly, scaring the squirrel back down into his pants. "Hellfire and damnation! I can't take this again! I'm going to turn them back to humans again!"
Very logically and quietly, Cas said, "You should probably wait until he's out of your pants before you change him back into Dean"
It was far too late for that. Crowley's left pants leg suddenly ripped into small shreds like the Hulk breaking out of Bruce Banner's clothes. Dean appeared on his knees facing Crowley. "Oh, my god!" he screamed in horror, falling back onto his butt. "Jesus Christ, Crowley!" He scrambled backwards like a crab. Cas grabbed his hand to help him to his feet. "That was something I did not need to see EVER! Excuse me while I go gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty screwdriver!" With a shudder, he went over to the table, poured himself a shot of whiskey and downed it, then followed that with another one.
Gabe were literally rolling on the floor laughing when they heard a noise at the door. It opened and Sam stumbled in, looking very confused, blood running down his forehead and face. "What's going on? I suddenly found myself out in the woods trying to head-butt a full-grown moose! You should have seen the size of those antlers! Man, I was lucky to get away from him in one piece. I had to climb a tree and wait for him to leave before I could come back here." Cas hurried to get some water and the first aid kit to fix Sam up with. "Crowley, why are your pants all torn to pieces? Your boxers are showing, man," Sam observed
Crowley grabbed the quilt off the back of the sofa to cover up with and sat down at the table as far away from Dean as possible. His face was beet red.
Gabe had managed to get up and sit down at the table, but this remark set both him and Bobby off into gales of laughter again. Cas answered, "Dean was inside Crowley's pants while you were gone."
Dean had poured Sam a shot of whiskey, and hearing this, he immediately choked on it. He looked at his brother in horror. "I think I missed something. Something important."
"Oh," Gabe said, now that he had himself under control, "Remember the argument you and your buddy Crowley got into over him calling you a moose?"
"Vaguely," Sam answered.
"Well, you challenged him to do it and he did. You turned into a moose and Dean became 'Squirrel'. We had to wrestle you out the door and then Sam decided running up Crowley's pants was a good idea. Crowley didn't,. So...he turned you back to your human form while Dean was still in his pants. You should have been here it was hysterical. Both before and after. So, Crowley, going to make that threat again? Eh?"
"Shut up you winged freak!" But there was no fire behind the remark. Crowley was too busy getting even drunker than before.
Okay, my journal is usually Friends Only, but I made this entry an open entry. Only LJ wouldn't let me make comments open, so I had to lock them so anyone who wanted to could comment. I will unlock any that need to be unlocked. Sorry.
SUMMARY: Crowley turns Sam and Dean into a real moose and squirrel. Chaos ensues.
RECIPIENT: smalltrolven
CHARACTERS/PAIRINGS: Sam, Dean, Crowley, Cas, Bobby, Gabe
GENRE: Humor
RATING: R for language and brief nudity
SPOILERS (if any): None
The fabulous artwork was drawn by the very talented siennavie
They had a fire going in the fireplace and everyone was just chilling out a bit after a long day. A few beers had been drunk and Crowley made a remark about Sam being as big as a moose. This did not set well with Sam since he had a pretty bad headache after fighting with a couple of demons, one of which had gotten the drop on him and kicked his butt until Bobby got a chance to help him out.
Sam snapped at Crowley and called him a has-been demon with who wasn't as smart as he thought. Of course, this set Crowley off and he asked Sam if he'd like to be an actual moose and see how he liked that. Dean and Bobby were trying to intervene between the two who had both had just a little too much to drink. But neither was backing down.
Sam glared across the table at Crowley and said, "Bring it on, jackass.!" That did it. Suddenly, in Dean's chair at the table was a handsome grey squirrel. It was slightly large than your average squirrel, but still within the normal range. But no one was paying attention to the poor squirrel. All eyes were fixed on the over-sized moose on the loose in the room.
"Holy Crap!" Bobby yelled.. "Crowley, turn him back right now, you idjit! We can't have a live moose running around in here!" But Crowley just sat there laughing loudly. His laugh only got louder as Cas joined Gabe in trying to wrestle the moose out the too-small door for an animal with such large antlers. Bobby kept calling for Dean to come help them, but he was too distracted to really realize that Dean wasn't there.
Finally, Bobby figured out that the best way to get the moose out the door was to back it out, tilt it's head and work the antlers out as best they could. They finally got Sam turned around and mostly out the door. Bobby backed his wheel chair up against the moose to keep it from coming back inside. Cas was outside trying to tilt the animal's head and got kicked a couple of times for his trouble. But after an hour of work, they finally managed to get the moose completely outside. None of the three had known that a moose could bellow that loud. Knowing it was Sam, they didn't want to just let it run free, so Cas got a rope from the car and they tied the moose to a nearby tree. They hadn't even taken four steps back towards the door when the moose bucked up and broke the rope. It ran off into the woods before anyone could reach it.
Crowley stood in the doorway, tears running down his face from laughing so hard. Suddenly, he stopped laughing and began cursing and dancing around, shaking his right leg in a very un-Crowley-like jig. "What the hell?!?" he bellowed as loudly as the moose. "What is going on? Damn squirrel ran up my pants leg! Get it out!" He swatted at it and got bit on the leg for his trouble. The squirrel started doing laps from one leg back to the other, first up the front, then around to the back. Now it was Bobby, Cas and Gabe's turn to laugh hysterically. "Help me you fucknuts! Get this squirrel out of my pants!"
Suddenly the squirrel ran up out of Crowley's pants, up his back and onto his head where it grabbed hold of his hair and sat down. "Get him off my head!" he yelled, swinging his arms wildly, scaring the squirrel back down into his pants. "Hellfire and damnation! I can't take this again! I'm going to turn them back to humans again!"
Very logically and quietly, Cas said, "You should probably wait until he's out of your pants before you change him back into Dean"
It was far too late for that. Crowley's left pants leg suddenly ripped into small shreds like the Hulk breaking out of Bruce Banner's clothes. Dean appeared on his knees facing Crowley. "Oh, my god!" he screamed in horror, falling back onto his butt. "Jesus Christ, Crowley!" He scrambled backwards like a crab. Cas grabbed his hand to help him to his feet. "That was something I did not need to see EVER! Excuse me while I go gouge my eyeballs out with a rusty screwdriver!" With a shudder, he went over to the table, poured himself a shot of whiskey and downed it, then followed that with another one.
Gabe were literally rolling on the floor laughing when they heard a noise at the door. It opened and Sam stumbled in, looking very confused, blood running down his forehead and face. "What's going on? I suddenly found myself out in the woods trying to head-butt a full-grown moose! You should have seen the size of those antlers! Man, I was lucky to get away from him in one piece. I had to climb a tree and wait for him to leave before I could come back here." Cas hurried to get some water and the first aid kit to fix Sam up with. "Crowley, why are your pants all torn to pieces? Your boxers are showing, man," Sam observed
Crowley grabbed the quilt off the back of the sofa to cover up with and sat down at the table as far away from Dean as possible. His face was beet red.
Gabe had managed to get up and sit down at the table, but this remark set both him and Bobby off into gales of laughter again. Cas answered, "Dean was inside Crowley's pants while you were gone."
Dean had poured Sam a shot of whiskey, and hearing this, he immediately choked on it. He looked at his brother in horror. "I think I missed something. Something important."
"Oh," Gabe said, now that he had himself under control, "Remember the argument you and your buddy Crowley got into over him calling you a moose?"
"Vaguely," Sam answered.
"Well, you challenged him to do it and he did. You turned into a moose and Dean became 'Squirrel'. We had to wrestle you out the door and then Sam decided running up Crowley's pants was a good idea. Crowley didn't,. So...he turned you back to your human form while Dean was still in his pants. You should have been here it was hysterical. Both before and after. So, Crowley, going to make that threat again? Eh?"
"Shut up you winged freak!" But there was no fire behind the remark. Crowley was too busy getting even drunker than before.
Okay, my journal is usually Friends Only, but I made this entry an open entry. Only LJ wouldn't let me make comments open, so I had to lock them so anyone who wanted to could comment. I will unlock any that need to be unlocked. Sorry.