yeah....
i keep asking myself why i bother....when i hate you for treating me like i don't matter. i hate how you leave me here for months and act like it's ok and it's normal, and plan on doing it again when you know it's not ok for us. but you'd hate staying here when you have a better opportunity elsewhere. and your better opportunities won't just be about school, they're going to be about other people, other places, another life. i'm not a part of that life-- how do you not see that? it's not okay to have two people in a "relationship" when they're in two different states, in two different places. where's the togetherness? how is that acceptable? it's not. i hate that i can't get you out of my heart. even if i were to tell you i can't take that anymore, i'd kick myself over and over for letting you go. i can never just let you go. and i fucking hate that. there are no circumstances under which i'd find it acceptable to see you go. and that's why it hurts me so badly when you choose to leave. you don't have to always go, but you do, and it doesn't really bother you, or you'd stay. that's the bottom line...you always choose to leave. and i don't know what you're really doing there, who you're really with, why you don't answer your phone and later have excuses for it. i don't find this three month gap acceptable. at all. it's unbearable, and bad for our relationship. normal relationships do not undergo these strange gaps where one person just leaves for months and does it again even when they know it's unacceptable to one person. why do i even care about you? i wish you cared but you never really will, and i choose to stay, but i wish i didn't......i wish i could leave you like i should...i fucking hate you