Feb 19, 2007 19:59
i gave up pretty much everything for you. today, i keep asking myself: why?
i had everything, blah blah blah, etc etc. but the thing is, i really did. and it was nothing compared to you. everything is nothing compared to you. i want you more than anything. ryan will forever be > everything else. ryan > everything. i can't stand how much i love you, it fucking really drives me crazy, and the fact that others have loved you too, well, that really kills me. i can't even talk about it. but i just wait for you; wait for you to love me, recognize me, acknowledge me, praise me, want me. i hunger for you more than any food. or drink, or really just anything, ever. i can't stand it because there's no certainty. i want you to swallow me up. i want you to go crazy with love for me.
i really should just give up.
i don't know what to do. i feel more desperate lately. like when i was sleeping i swallowed some ticking time bomb and it's just running out. you never feel like me. in some ways, i envy you that.
in the name of love....