short story
susie's eyes look so blue when i check them in the rear view mirror. so clear. i take the turns gently and her eyelids droop with the motions. i smile at her sleeping face and think about what i'll make her for dinner.
abby, my other baby, is at home. nobody's watching her, but i don't mind. she's been sleeping for months now. she's not going to get up and get into trouble. she's just going to stay in her chair and sleep more. she used to be a good baby.
in the supermarket, i push susie along in her stroller. we stop at the produce aisle, wood crates loaded with shining eggplants and glistening fresh tomatoes. i'm careful not to walk too far from her sleeping form. no one is going to steel my baby on my watch. i select the reddest, gentlest fruit for her and myself and wheel along.
susie wakes up and cries when we're in the cereal aisle. i'm reaching up to the top shelf for some grape nuts when i look down to check on her. her eyes are open and watching me move precariously, trying to grasp the box. as soon as my gaze meets hers, she lets loose a wail of anxiety intended to stop me in my tracks. i drop the cereal into my basket and attempt to soothe her. she seems to want nothing but be held. i take her out and hold her close until her cries melt into quiet breathing and put her back into her seat. i cover her with her blanket and finish the rest of my shopping quietly. she must be hungry for dinner.
when we're at home, i see the red blink of the answering machine from the door. susie's awake again and i put her in front of the tv in the living room. looks like barney's on for a few hours so i'm in luck. i heat the water for the pasta and slice the tomatoes with some sea salt and organic oil. i only make organic food for me and susie. i'm raising her healthier than the rest of the country, that's for sure. she only watches tv when i can't entertain her myself. we only eat natural foods. i don't let people come into the house because their germs would be in the air for days. that might do something bad to susie. she's small for her age and i read an article online talking about certain undetected parasites stunting children's growth. so i wisely keep people out. one day she'll be normal and everyone will see i'm right. a mother always knows what's best for her child.
the answering machine's message is from my parents. i roll my eyes. for years now they've been trying to ruin my life. they don't understand the way i need to raise my child. they object to the ban on visits to the house, claiming that susie couldn't possibly be harmed from germs. as if i made up the concept myself! they insist that i'm far too involved in susie's life and have been trying to get me to talk to someone for as long as i can remember. they insist that what i'm doing is crazy and think i don't hear their whispers when i'm in the other room at their house. i know they're conspiriting to get me locked up or something. i've never been quite sure what their plan is, but i know i'm too smart for them to actually accomplish it. they used to talk about abby the same way, but since susie came into my life they seem to have forgetten about her and fixate on susie now. but it's ok. i'm going to continue to be a good mother no matter what they say, no matter what anyone says. a mother always knows what's best for her child.
my brother is there this time. we're having a tense argument. i tell him to lower his voice or he'll wake up my daughter. he gives me a look of disgust and slams the door as he leaves the room. i shake my head and bend down to adjust her blanket and admire her beauty. what a perfect child i have. i ignore his yelling to my mother, but i always hear it anyway. she gently tries to calm him, but he won't give up. "susie's a fucking doll!" he yells. "a fucking doll! i will not lower my voice so i don't disturb an inanimate object!" the same old problems. i don't want to be around it. i pick up susie's car seat and carry her out of the house. i'm ready to go home and have some dinner. susie's ready, too. i can just tell. i'm her mother.
abby, my other baby, is at home. nobody's watching her, but i don't mind. she's been sleeping for months now. she's not going to get up and get into trouble. she's just going to stay in her chair and sleep more. she used to be a good baby.
in the supermarket, i push susie along in her stroller. we stop at the produce aisle, wood crates loaded with shining eggplants and glistening fresh tomatoes. i'm careful not to walk too far from her sleeping form. no one is going to steel my baby on my watch. i select the reddest, gentlest fruit for her and myself and wheel along.
susie wakes up and cries when we're in the cereal aisle. i'm reaching up to the top shelf for some grape nuts when i look down to check on her. her eyes are open and watching me move precariously, trying to grasp the box. as soon as my gaze meets hers, she lets loose a wail of anxiety intended to stop me in my tracks. i drop the cereal into my basket and attempt to soothe her. she seems to want nothing but be held. i take her out and hold her close until her cries melt into quiet breathing and put her back into her seat. i cover her with her blanket and finish the rest of my shopping quietly. she must be hungry for dinner.
when we're at home, i see the red blink of the answering machine from the door. susie's awake again and i put her in front of the tv in the living room. looks like barney's on for a few hours so i'm in luck. i heat the water for the pasta and slice the tomatoes with some sea salt and organic oil. i only make organic food for me and susie. i'm raising her healthier than the rest of the country, that's for sure. she only watches tv when i can't entertain her myself. we only eat natural foods. i don't let people come into the house because their germs would be in the air for days. that might do something bad to susie. she's small for her age and i read an article online talking about certain undetected parasites stunting children's growth. so i wisely keep people out. one day she'll be normal and everyone will see i'm right. a mother always knows what's best for her child.
the answering machine's message is from my parents. i roll my eyes. for years now they've been trying to ruin my life. they don't understand the way i need to raise my child. they object to the ban on visits to the house, claiming that susie couldn't possibly be harmed from germs. as if i made up the concept myself! they insist that i'm far too involved in susie's life and have been trying to get me to talk to someone for as long as i can remember. they insist that what i'm doing is crazy and think i don't hear their whispers when i'm in the other room at their house. i know they're conspiriting to get me locked up or something. i've never been quite sure what their plan is, but i know i'm too smart for them to actually accomplish it. they used to talk about abby the same way, but since susie came into my life they seem to have forgetten about her and fixate on susie now. but it's ok. i'm going to continue to be a good mother no matter what they say, no matter what anyone says. a mother always knows what's best for her child.
my brother is there this time. we're having a tense argument. i tell him to lower his voice or he'll wake up my daughter. he gives me a look of disgust and slams the door as he leaves the room. i shake my head and bend down to adjust her blanket and admire her beauty. what a perfect child i have. i ignore his yelling to my mother, but i always hear it anyway. she gently tries to calm him, but he won't give up. "susie's a fucking doll!" he yells. "a fucking doll! i will not lower my voice so i don't disturb an inanimate object!" the same old problems. i don't want to be around it. i pick up susie's car seat and carry her out of the house. i'm ready to go home and have some dinner. susie's ready, too. i can just tell. i'm her mother.