(no subject)
Oh God. I'm just thrilled by this fucked up timing.
I met a girl at Pride, who I'm now pretty much dating, and she's almost perfect. She's a little on the shy side, and a little on the butch side in the way she dresses (slthough apparently it used to be worse, she dressed like a gansta and rapped) but I think I want to hold on to her. This may be partially motivated by the fact that I've been unable to find a girlfriend for the past YEAR and I'm really lonely, although I'm not settling. I've met some other cool people here, I just got my licence back, my little sister and my Mom kind of need me, and I know my way around Baltimore. Even so, after her trial for stealing money from her job we're going to leave together , I think. I told her flat out, I'm only staying for you. My friend in Arizona had a place and possibly a job lined up for me where he lives in a tiny town an hour from flagstaff, which sounded cool at first only because of the low cost of living and the people he's friends with, but its no grand adventure. It would have been a good starting place, and pulled me out of this place.
Staying in one place because its convenient is not me. Staying for a person is more excuseable. But I have to remember to get out of here soon. There is still so much to see.
My stint here in Baltimore has mulitplied my issues. I'm more forgetful, my mind doesn't move as quickly or naturally after that one night when I blacked out on percoset and long islands, I'm probably borderline anorexic. The time I've spent unemployed, the times my mother has had to bail me out, make my confidence a little lower, make my disgust with this whole system that much deeper. I've wanted to close my eyes and make it go away, make the rest of them see that this stupid dance is getting them nowhere, that there are more important things.
When I get another job, get another place, I'll feel better, be working the system again. Can't forget to leave...
I met a girl at Pride, who I'm now pretty much dating, and she's almost perfect. She's a little on the shy side, and a little on the butch side in the way she dresses (slthough apparently it used to be worse, she dressed like a gansta and rapped) but I think I want to hold on to her. This may be partially motivated by the fact that I've been unable to find a girlfriend for the past YEAR and I'm really lonely, although I'm not settling. I've met some other cool people here, I just got my licence back, my little sister and my Mom kind of need me, and I know my way around Baltimore. Even so, after her trial for stealing money from her job we're going to leave together , I think. I told her flat out, I'm only staying for you. My friend in Arizona had a place and possibly a job lined up for me where he lives in a tiny town an hour from flagstaff, which sounded cool at first only because of the low cost of living and the people he's friends with, but its no grand adventure. It would have been a good starting place, and pulled me out of this place.
Staying in one place because its convenient is not me. Staying for a person is more excuseable. But I have to remember to get out of here soon. There is still so much to see.
My stint here in Baltimore has mulitplied my issues. I'm more forgetful, my mind doesn't move as quickly or naturally after that one night when I blacked out on percoset and long islands, I'm probably borderline anorexic. The time I've spent unemployed, the times my mother has had to bail me out, make my confidence a little lower, make my disgust with this whole system that much deeper. I've wanted to close my eyes and make it go away, make the rest of them see that this stupid dance is getting them nowhere, that there are more important things.
When I get another job, get another place, I'll feel better, be working the system again. Can't forget to leave...