(no subject)
Facebook and Livejournal serve as good analogies of circumstances in my life. I've been spending a lot of time looking at facebook, reading the short, usually pointless status updates and posting short, often misunderstood, usually pointless sometimes inappropriately emotional status updates.
While livejournal...
I do my best self-reflection when I write, and I've often thought that I did my best self-reflection in livejournal. Lately I've realized that I have not been doing much self-reflection. I haven't neatened up the pathways in my head. I haven't organized my thoughts the way I should pick up my shoes and dirty socks from the living room and put them where they belong. The result is I've been moving around the cave of my mind totally unable to find anything. And issues that should be confronted are sitting in the sink of my mind like smelly, moldy food encrusted on dishes. Attracting flies the way my unresolved issues slowly accumulate self-doubts.
So now I've gone months without real contribution to livejournal, which is therapeutic, and I've spent too much time loitering on facebook. And in my real life, I keep my apartment clean, but I've neglected the nooks and crannies and my kitchen has attracted flies that I just can't get rid of. My every thought is echoed by doubt. I greet compliments with thoughts of why this person is blowing smoke up my ass. I've been much less depressed lately--I don't know if that is improved health and I don't know if that improved health is owed to Olive leaf Extract, but I really think that is part of it--but that is seriously despite my thought process most of the time.
So. I've said goodbye to facebook for the time being. It is not a break-up. It is not a bad friend because it never claimed to be a friend in the first place, but, just like in my life, most of the conversations I have are with acquaintances and I seem to be mistaking acquaintances for friends. Yet I am not trying to cultivate any friendships of those acquaintances. So I'm living on social and intellectual junkfood both in and out of the home. I could bitch and moan that none of the acquaintances make an effort to cultivate a friendship with me, but what does that prove, other than the possibility that these people are engaged in the same sorts of lives that I am?
This is kind of a forward. I am going to try to spend a lot of time on here. I might be full of shit. I might find myself needing to moderate how much time I spend on here inasmuch as I come to spend too much time here writing about life and not enough time living it. Who the fuck knows? It's time to start cleaning up.
While livejournal...
I do my best self-reflection when I write, and I've often thought that I did my best self-reflection in livejournal. Lately I've realized that I have not been doing much self-reflection. I haven't neatened up the pathways in my head. I haven't organized my thoughts the way I should pick up my shoes and dirty socks from the living room and put them where they belong. The result is I've been moving around the cave of my mind totally unable to find anything. And issues that should be confronted are sitting in the sink of my mind like smelly, moldy food encrusted on dishes. Attracting flies the way my unresolved issues slowly accumulate self-doubts.
So now I've gone months without real contribution to livejournal, which is therapeutic, and I've spent too much time loitering on facebook. And in my real life, I keep my apartment clean, but I've neglected the nooks and crannies and my kitchen has attracted flies that I just can't get rid of. My every thought is echoed by doubt. I greet compliments with thoughts of why this person is blowing smoke up my ass. I've been much less depressed lately--I don't know if that is improved health and I don't know if that improved health is owed to Olive leaf Extract, but I really think that is part of it--but that is seriously despite my thought process most of the time.
So. I've said goodbye to facebook for the time being. It is not a break-up. It is not a bad friend because it never claimed to be a friend in the first place, but, just like in my life, most of the conversations I have are with acquaintances and I seem to be mistaking acquaintances for friends. Yet I am not trying to cultivate any friendships of those acquaintances. So I'm living on social and intellectual junkfood both in and out of the home. I could bitch and moan that none of the acquaintances make an effort to cultivate a friendship with me, but what does that prove, other than the possibility that these people are engaged in the same sorts of lives that I am?
This is kind of a forward. I am going to try to spend a lot of time on here. I might be full of shit. I might find myself needing to moderate how much time I spend on here inasmuch as I come to spend too much time here writing about life and not enough time living it. Who the fuck knows? It's time to start cleaning up.