Long time

[jewelbox151]

Wow, it has been a while since I posted and actually wrote something....Well, I am living in Fort Collins again for a while anyway. Russ and I are taking a much needed break, which couldn't have come at a better time for my parents are in Florida. Since they are gone I am staying in their house with my dogs, which is nice. I have been a bum since I got up here though, I haven't left the house much and have been sleeping in way to late. I went to the book store yesterday and got some books on being married and all that....the thing I really need to determine is if I want to stay with him or not. How do you go about determining something of that magnitude? Do I want to start over? I know it sounds stupid, but I just HATE dating!! Granted it has been about 5 1/2 years since I have done so. A friend of mine that I have wanted since the day I met him (I should clarify..he is one of my best friends, someone I can truely be 100% myself around) He is getting married in May! That really sucks, I always thought that if Russ and I didn't work out that maybe he and I would take our friendship to another level. I told him he shouldn't marry her, she is a total hag/bitch/slut who doesn't deserve a man half his caliber. I can say this honestly because I lived with her and I know she has cheated on him.
Urg...sorry I am just rambling....I guess there are a few people I have met in my life that I thought I could see myself ending up with and I don't know.....
......I really would be happy he was getting married, if it was just to someone worthy of being with someone so amazing! And in all these ramblings don't take me wrong I love Russ very much....we are just lacking so much that we aren't giving each other and it has been going on for so long now I just don't know if it is beyond repair. I just wish I could take a vacation from myself, to get away from the thoughts in my head, to just have some peace.
I'll shut up now.