so what if i tried to kill him?
ok heres something shitty: ( no i didnt try to kill nobody)ok right im sitting here thinking hmm maybe we'll see if james has updated his LJ so i go on there to be informed that he switched it to friends only lol so i write anyways and then it dont work! so then i was like fine so i add him but i have to wait for him to add me lol i guess he didnt know i had an LJ lol anyways yeah so thats all sucks ( james you dork) anyways no hes not really i chewed him out for something really bad and i shouldent have it was SO stupid but i can turn anything wrong in my head. fucking paraniod and hes the one who smakes weed! lol speaking of weed when we were at someones house ( still not naming names lol) michelle told everyone there was cops near and they were watching the house.....it cleared out pretty quickly lol anyways not alot has happened since my last post. michael will be home soon. daniel called me from jail so i could get his adress. tina , ernies aunt called and i told her what was up it was so sad though becuase she sounded like she was gonna cry and she was like " Emma, please whatever you do if Lorretta leaves with him dont let her take Julie please she cant live like that and she'll take his side" i dont want her to have to go live with a billidgerant (spelling) ass drunk of a father who is always drunk and violent ( ok well hes not now but he might) sad thing is lorretta has told everyone this is moms fault becuase mom yelled at him for knocking over julies doll house. well if the fucker wasnt drunk it wouldent have been a problem but my brother sais that mom intaganeted him. bull shit he was gonna blow up anyways becuase he wasnt gonna ever find the bottle becuase he drank it! so i mean come on. thats so bull shit. i rarely take my moms side but this time she was not wrong and she didnt even really yell at him she told him that she paid for the dolls house and he shouldent be wrecking it and if he was gonna be drunk he needed to go live somewhere else and she knew he was flipping out erlier than that becuase she was listening to him in the kitchen and she knew. so yeah i dunno what the fuck is up with that. mom sais i cant apply for govt houseing becuase im not that good and i just wont make it and shes geting 3 bedroom house for me so i shouldent leave becuase shell just be wasting her money. but i was like do you expect me to live with you forever? shes like you cant move right now becuase you have to go to colledge and she doesent think i can handle getting my GED and a job at the same time but GED classes are only 2 days a week and ill just use those 2 days as my days off. so yeah she just dont want us to leave becuase shes scared of being alone. i hate that she feels like we should all bow down to her like we worship her and were scum but when we go to leave she tells us she needs us and we cant be without her anyways. like ok. ive lived without her all my life, my brothers raised me. in a way i had a dad more than i did a mom becuase she was never around. the only really good memories i have of her was when she used to brush my hair, once we made a cake just for the hell of it. she used to let my cook with her sometimes if she wasnt drunk already, one time she coloured with me and one time we had a picknick and we ran throught the srinklers when they came on and we got all wet and i remember woking out in the garden sometimes. she wasnt ever around alot. if she wasnt at work she was at the bar or getting the fuck beat out of her. i really dont remember too much specific gthings from living there. i remember getting my tooth knocked out for puking. i remember having to eat alot when he made us. i remember my 5th birthday cake but i dont rmemeber what i got or what the party was like. i rmemeber christmas eve once. it was good we only got to open a small present but we were just happy things were ok. then christmas was good until they both started drinking. he locked moms out and called his ex wife and beath the fuck out of mom. then we had to leave. he locked me inside i was so scared he was gonna kill me or something. i remember one time she locked herself in our room. i remember lorretta going out the wimdow to call the cops. i remember mom screwing some guy on the couch ( not a fond memeory :& *puke*) i rmemeber thanksgiving. i rmemeber beverly and lawren coming to see us. i rmemeber chris beating mom with a belt once. i remember daniel always getting in trouble for stuff. playing out in the back yard. i had one friend. i always went to her house. halloween, the bad night before tyke came to save us. then the really bad stuff. i dont remember alot of good or bad. more bad than good. but something i remember vividly, my grandpa Earl he died in that house. we had a grandfather clock. we never had to wind it after he died becuase he wound it himself. mom used to ask me who i was talking to and she just thought that was my way of dealing with his death and the Dr said it was ok. i remember asking why things were this way he told me something like things will turn out ok in the end. i belived him. and they did eventually. for some of us. but its not over yet. when christ finally dies then it will be over. i mean no im not gonna kill the guy but he'll go. he'll get what he deserves. sorry to plauge you guys with my fucked up childhood lol just was thinking about it alot lately. well anyways time to get off here michael should be home soon ttyl have fun CAR CRASHES ARE BAD(my new saying) -love emma