And then the lasagana exploded....for real!
Please, dear reader, sit back while I tell you the 'Tale of the Exploding Lasagna'. Or, 'How Laziness Saved my Life.'
My uncle, aunt and cousin are all coming over tomorrow because my grandfather's birthday is on Monday and he chose to celebrate it Sunday instead, so we're going to have lunch and cake and what not.
So, my grandfather spends hours preparing a lovely lasagna in a glass casserole dish. He browned some meat, he made fresh ricotta cheese, he made homemade sauce. The only thing not authentically home-made was the noodles and the mozzarella.
And then he left it on the stove top, on top of one of the burners where it sat, for hours, before he left.
So, after vacuuming the whole house, including the kitchen, I had retreated in my room for a few hours to read.
Upon hearing my grandfather depart for whereabouts unknown, my brother left the sanctuary of his bedroom, to enter the kitchen and proceed to make himself an espresso.
While in the kitchen, he calls out my name and I responded with a mumbled 'What?' He then calls out again, and I yell louder. He says something to me, which I fail to hear, and I mumble 'Huh?' in response. I consider going into the kitchen to ask him what he's going on about, but laziness wins over and I simply go back to reading my book.
So seconds later, he enters my room and starts telling me about how he had watched a story about a haunting on TV and before he can delve into it, the sound of shattering glass echos loudly throughout the house. It sounded as though someone had taken all the plates out of our cupboard and dropped them onto the floor.
So we stare at each other in silence, eyes wide and identical looks of horror on our faces before I manage to hiss a 'What did you do?!' at him. He then runs into the kitchen.
Now, watch as we handle ourselves in a crisis.
Joey: Oh fuuuucccckkk. The lasagna!
Me: What?! What about the lasagna?
Joey: It exploded!
Me: [enters the kitchen and sees the lasagna] Holy crap! What did you do?!
The lasagna, you see, was sitting on the stove top, in the remains of what was once a glass casserole dish. The dish had exploded into a million pieces. There was glass under the lasagna, in the lasagna, on the counters, on the floor, and some found their way into the pot of sauce left on the stove. Big pieces of glass, little pieces of glass, and thin jagged shards of glass were everywhere.
Me: Duuuude, what the hell did you do?
Joey: Nothing! I didn't touch anything!
Me: [realizing that the lasagna is sizzling on the burner] Did you turn on the stove to light your cigarette up again?
Joey: No! It was on. Grandpa must have forgotten to turn it off.
Me: [in awe and disbelief] Dude, you killed the lasagna!
Joey: What do we do? I've never seen anything like this. This doesn't make any sense.
Me: Dude, you came into the kitchen and two minutes later the lasagna exploded. You're the biggest jinx that ever jinxed!
Joey: I didn't do anything!
Me: Where's a broom? Why can't I find a broom! I just cleaned the kitchen! OMG, WHAT WILL WE EAT TOMORROW?!?!
Joey: Forget the broom, help me put the lasagna into another dish before grandpa comes home!
Me: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! THE LASAGNA IS COVERED IN GLASS. WE CAN'T PUT IT IN ANOTHER DISH AND EAT IT TOMORROW! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANOTHER DISH! AND HOW WILL WE PICK IT UP?! IT'S NOT A FRIGGIN' PIZZA! IT'S A BUNCH OF LOOSE NOODLES COVERED IN GLASS!!!
Joey: Dude, let me get the vacuum.
Minutes later, the sound of the door opening fills the house. My brother and I stare at each other in horror.
Me: He's back! OMG, what do we do? What do we do?!
Joey: [turns around, runs into my room, and shuts the door in my face leaving me alone in the hall]
Me: What are you doing? Let me in!
Me: [opens the door and hisses] Come out here with me!
Grandpa comes up the stairs as we stare at him nervously.
Me: [speaking in broken English to my Italian grandfather to explain the situation to him as simply as possible] Uh, grandpa? The lasagna blow up!
Grandpa: What?
Me: [makes an exploding motion with my arms] The lasagna explode! Glass everywhere!
Grandpa: [Walks into the kitchen] Son of a gun! What the hell?! How this happen?!
Needless to say, it took a half hour to clean up the mess and now poor grandpa has to wake up extra early to make another lasagna.
As my brother and I were leaving I was like 'You know, had you not come into my room when you did, you would have probably ended up with a face full of glass. Especially if you'd decided to light up a cigarette on the stove top when the glass exploded. And then I also realized that had I not been lazy, and decided to go into the kitchen to see what my brother had wanted, I would have probably been hit with hundreds of pieces of exploding glass as well.
And they say laziness is a bad thing. Pfft.
My uncle, aunt and cousin are all coming over tomorrow because my grandfather's birthday is on Monday and he chose to celebrate it Sunday instead, so we're going to have lunch and cake and what not.
So, my grandfather spends hours preparing a lovely lasagna in a glass casserole dish. He browned some meat, he made fresh ricotta cheese, he made homemade sauce. The only thing not authentically home-made was the noodles and the mozzarella.
And then he left it on the stove top, on top of one of the burners where it sat, for hours, before he left.
So, after vacuuming the whole house, including the kitchen, I had retreated in my room for a few hours to read.
Upon hearing my grandfather depart for whereabouts unknown, my brother left the sanctuary of his bedroom, to enter the kitchen and proceed to make himself an espresso.
While in the kitchen, he calls out my name and I responded with a mumbled 'What?' He then calls out again, and I yell louder. He says something to me, which I fail to hear, and I mumble 'Huh?' in response. I consider going into the kitchen to ask him what he's going on about, but laziness wins over and I simply go back to reading my book.
So seconds later, he enters my room and starts telling me about how he had watched a story about a haunting on TV and before he can delve into it, the sound of shattering glass echos loudly throughout the house. It sounded as though someone had taken all the plates out of our cupboard and dropped them onto the floor.
So we stare at each other in silence, eyes wide and identical looks of horror on our faces before I manage to hiss a 'What did you do?!' at him. He then runs into the kitchen.
Now, watch as we handle ourselves in a crisis.
Joey: Oh fuuuucccckkk. The lasagna!
Me: What?! What about the lasagna?
Joey: It exploded!
Me: [enters the kitchen and sees the lasagna] Holy crap! What did you do?!
The lasagna, you see, was sitting on the stove top, in the remains of what was once a glass casserole dish. The dish had exploded into a million pieces. There was glass under the lasagna, in the lasagna, on the counters, on the floor, and some found their way into the pot of sauce left on the stove. Big pieces of glass, little pieces of glass, and thin jagged shards of glass were everywhere.
Me: Duuuude, what the hell did you do?
Joey: Nothing! I didn't touch anything!
Me: [realizing that the lasagna is sizzling on the burner] Did you turn on the stove to light your cigarette up again?
Joey: No! It was on. Grandpa must have forgotten to turn it off.
Me: [in awe and disbelief] Dude, you killed the lasagna!
Joey: What do we do? I've never seen anything like this. This doesn't make any sense.
Me: Dude, you came into the kitchen and two minutes later the lasagna exploded. You're the biggest jinx that ever jinxed!
Joey: I didn't do anything!
Me: Where's a broom? Why can't I find a broom! I just cleaned the kitchen! OMG, WHAT WILL WE EAT TOMORROW?!?!
Joey: Forget the broom, help me put the lasagna into another dish before grandpa comes home!
Me: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?! THE LASAGNA IS COVERED IN GLASS. WE CAN'T PUT IT IN ANOTHER DISH AND EAT IT TOMORROW! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE ANOTHER DISH! AND HOW WILL WE PICK IT UP?! IT'S NOT A FRIGGIN' PIZZA! IT'S A BUNCH OF LOOSE NOODLES COVERED IN GLASS!!!
Joey: Dude, let me get the vacuum.
Minutes later, the sound of the door opening fills the house. My brother and I stare at each other in horror.
Me: He's back! OMG, what do we do? What do we do?!
Joey: [turns around, runs into my room, and shuts the door in my face leaving me alone in the hall]
Me: What are you doing? Let me in!
Me: [opens the door and hisses] Come out here with me!
Grandpa comes up the stairs as we stare at him nervously.
Me: [speaking in broken English to my Italian grandfather to explain the situation to him as simply as possible] Uh, grandpa? The lasagna blow up!
Grandpa: What?
Me: [makes an exploding motion with my arms] The lasagna explode! Glass everywhere!
Grandpa: [Walks into the kitchen] Son of a gun! What the hell?! How this happen?!
Needless to say, it took a half hour to clean up the mess and now poor grandpa has to wake up extra early to make another lasagna.
As my brother and I were leaving I was like 'You know, had you not come into my room when you did, you would have probably ended up with a face full of glass. Especially if you'd decided to light up a cigarette on the stove top when the glass exploded. And then I also realized that had I not been lazy, and decided to go into the kitchen to see what my brother had wanted, I would have probably been hit with hundreds of pieces of exploding glass as well.
And they say laziness is a bad thing. Pfft.