Just When I Thought I'd Left the Ghetto Behind
No, I am NOT referring to any delusions I may have of possessing a ghetto booty. I am instead talking about the fact that I had hoped that Kaiser would be a more civilized workplace than SF General. Clearly I was, once again, delusional. Perhaps that's just my basic, Becca at rest state. In any case, a week and a half ago, I ended up intervening in a brawl in the Intensive Care Unit.
No, it wasn't between patients - that would've been more like Crip Fight. And how can you kick some serious ass when you're intubated anyway? This was between a patient's two sons, who ran out of a family meeting to shout appalling comments at each other in the hall (Fun sample: "Who spent years in prison??" "Oh yeah, who smokes pot with his kids?"). Then they proceeded to get into position to beat the shit out of one another. Cue "You smell real pretty" and other SuperTroopers quotes.
I wanted desperately to call security, but I hadn't been working there long enough to remember the damn phone code. By the time I pulled off my badge and scanned it, looking for the number, they were about to rumble. Rather than have the ICU waiting room be filled with hot Jerry Springer action (mercifully minus the ubiquitous spandex miniskirts), I decided to put a stop to the madness. So I inserted my not terribly large body between the two angry men and proceeded to berate them in social worker-ese. "This is not OK! I have sick people and their families here. If you want to work out your family issues, I'm willing to support you, but this behavior is totally inappropriate!" Yes, I really said that. Can you see why I don't want to be a social worker anymore? I should've had my mouth rinsed out with a self-help book.
Regardless, I am not a redhead for nothing, and they finally shut up and slunk off. The remaining family members didn't even have the grace to be embarrassed. I was shaking from all of the adrenaline and then had to try and figure out the best way to document all of this in the patient's medical record.
At least they didn't steal my purse.
No, it wasn't between patients - that would've been more like Crip Fight. And how can you kick some serious ass when you're intubated anyway? This was between a patient's two sons, who ran out of a family meeting to shout appalling comments at each other in the hall (Fun sample: "Who spent years in prison??" "Oh yeah, who smokes pot with his kids?"). Then they proceeded to get into position to beat the shit out of one another. Cue "You smell real pretty" and other SuperTroopers quotes.
I wanted desperately to call security, but I hadn't been working there long enough to remember the damn phone code. By the time I pulled off my badge and scanned it, looking for the number, they were about to rumble. Rather than have the ICU waiting room be filled with hot Jerry Springer action (mercifully minus the ubiquitous spandex miniskirts), I decided to put a stop to the madness. So I inserted my not terribly large body between the two angry men and proceeded to berate them in social worker-ese. "This is not OK! I have sick people and their families here. If you want to work out your family issues, I'm willing to support you, but this behavior is totally inappropriate!" Yes, I really said that. Can you see why I don't want to be a social worker anymore? I should've had my mouth rinsed out with a self-help book.
Regardless, I am not a redhead for nothing, and they finally shut up and slunk off. The remaining family members didn't even have the grace to be embarrassed. I was shaking from all of the adrenaline and then had to try and figure out the best way to document all of this in the patient's medical record.
At least they didn't steal my purse.