emergencies only
my how i've been cheating on live journal. I used to write here everyday, but not as of late. But on this restless thursday evening as my head hangs low I write a tale of the birthday failure.
It all started on the eve of october fourth, 2006. The belated birthday dinner was said to commence at roughly 7:30 that evening. At around half past eight that evening, they all met at the mexican restaurant the birthday failure enjoyed the most. So many good memories there, years of torturous birthday dinners all ending with the birthday song with the maracas and the ever famous sombrero.
She loved that sombrero.
All intentions were seemingly innocent at the start of this birthday extravaganza. Conversation was polite, just small talk and catching up. Until the first bomb falls.
She should have seen it coming.
After some small talk with him and his schooling and job and his ability to be so successfull, she turned her head to the birthday failure.
Here it comes.
"So, how is your one class?"
If you were the birthday failure you would see the sarcasm in her face, She wanted to scream.
Yes mother, we all know that the birthday failure fucked up in highschool, 3.0 not enough, fucked up in collge...bad semester... get cut off....a couple minor partying strikes on the record...my god she's human! And we can't forget any of those mishaps in her life, because her mother would prefer to bring them up in some way or another every single god forsaken time we meet. Fuck her pride, fuck the fact that she's paying for school, one class yes, but its a god damn start, paying rent, paying loans, paying bills, and listening to her mother belittle her absentmindedly on her FUCKING birthday dinner.
Birthday failure kept all that in however, and held back tears. She already deals with the guilt of the things she's done in her life, but to be constantly reminded that she isnt a 4.o student, that she didn't get scholarships, that she wast that straight edged afterall, is just torture.
She's sorry that her first priority wasn't school, but to be independent. She's sorry that she's broken her parents heart countless times because of poor decisions, she's sorry that her parents can't let her grow up and make her own mistakes. She's sorry.
what she needs to be doing is living her life. enjoying the wonderful man that has swept her off of her feet, not worrying about her parents looking at her as a failure, not as a work in progress. She wants to enjoy her self, not fight.
The birthday failure held tears in all the way to the car once her mother was out of site. She let out a sigh of frustration, and then came the tears. She feels worthless. And it won't go away.
It all started on the eve of october fourth, 2006. The belated birthday dinner was said to commence at roughly 7:30 that evening. At around half past eight that evening, they all met at the mexican restaurant the birthday failure enjoyed the most. So many good memories there, years of torturous birthday dinners all ending with the birthday song with the maracas and the ever famous sombrero.
She loved that sombrero.
All intentions were seemingly innocent at the start of this birthday extravaganza. Conversation was polite, just small talk and catching up. Until the first bomb falls.
She should have seen it coming.
After some small talk with him and his schooling and job and his ability to be so successfull, she turned her head to the birthday failure.
Here it comes.
"So, how is your one class?"
If you were the birthday failure you would see the sarcasm in her face, She wanted to scream.
Yes mother, we all know that the birthday failure fucked up in highschool, 3.0 not enough, fucked up in collge...bad semester... get cut off....a couple minor partying strikes on the record...my god she's human! And we can't forget any of those mishaps in her life, because her mother would prefer to bring them up in some way or another every single god forsaken time we meet. Fuck her pride, fuck the fact that she's paying for school, one class yes, but its a god damn start, paying rent, paying loans, paying bills, and listening to her mother belittle her absentmindedly on her FUCKING birthday dinner.
Birthday failure kept all that in however, and held back tears. She already deals with the guilt of the things she's done in her life, but to be constantly reminded that she isnt a 4.o student, that she didn't get scholarships, that she wast that straight edged afterall, is just torture.
She's sorry that her first priority wasn't school, but to be independent. She's sorry that she's broken her parents heart countless times because of poor decisions, she's sorry that her parents can't let her grow up and make her own mistakes. She's sorry.
what she needs to be doing is living her life. enjoying the wonderful man that has swept her off of her feet, not worrying about her parents looking at her as a failure, not as a work in progress. She wants to enjoy her self, not fight.
The birthday failure held tears in all the way to the car once her mother was out of site. She let out a sigh of frustration, and then came the tears. She feels worthless. And it won't go away.