i don't mind you hangin out... and wastin all my time...
READER ADVISORY: WARNING! THE VIEWS AND EXPRESSIONS IN THIS RANT ARE TOTALLY FUCK'D...
with that said lets begin... here i am again.. on the fucking razors edge, on one had i have found a way to compleetly remove my self from any present or imeadit danger.. and on the other i really just wannna fall and get cut in half... so the dilema then becomes that i'd really rather not choose.. i'd rather whatever is going to happen just happen.. i'm still lacking that motivation... the motivation to actually make a reasonable and rashonal choice... and with out it i fear that i'll fall and get cut.. if only there were some why for me to make the right choice.. all the time... i think that i want to make good choices about my life.. but then after all the bad gets through with me all im left with is feeling like shit and wanting it to all go away.. the more i think about it the more i realise that if i want to actually change my life, in a positive way i'll have to ditch all my friends, the life style i've chosen for the past 6 years, and i supose worst of all i'll have to give up all the drugs... and the booze too.. or.. i can keep doing what i've been doing... which has gotten me oh so far.. so im stuck.. i wanna keep my friends and keep things the way i've been doing it.. but how will that change anything? it won't probablly.. man thats a drag...
well... how hard could it be to find all new friends... cuz thats the only part thats got me bum'd... would i really miss any of them... or is the only reason we get along beacuse we all share a common bond in drugs? and if thats the case would i even want to be around those people if i wasn't all doped up too?
dose any of this shit matter? i mean really? after all the only "drug" i do now days is smokin pot.. everyday.. all day.. :/ hmmmm... mayhaps i have what some people would call a problem with marijuwana... but then.. compaired to being addicted to cocain, crystal meth, or being an alchaholic... i supose its not to bad... besides that i don't smoke it all day everyday anymore anyhow... now i just smoke it when i have money... which is hard to come by when one has no job... i guess... no.. what i want then is to find a happy medium.. a place where i can still have my friends and smoke pot and drink now and then... and still be able to feel confident in myself that im moving forward in my life... so if i add up all the negative stuff.. i'll know how much positive stuff i'll have to have going on too to make sure that the good out weighs the bad.. so keeping my friends should mean that i need a job.. and keeping my pot means that i'll be needin to do a lil bit of comunity service.. and the booze means that i'll need to get that last class i need to grad.. that all looks pretty fair.. i guess all i need to do now is get started...
with that said lets begin... here i am again.. on the fucking razors edge, on one had i have found a way to compleetly remove my self from any present or imeadit danger.. and on the other i really just wannna fall and get cut in half... so the dilema then becomes that i'd really rather not choose.. i'd rather whatever is going to happen just happen.. i'm still lacking that motivation... the motivation to actually make a reasonable and rashonal choice... and with out it i fear that i'll fall and get cut.. if only there were some why for me to make the right choice.. all the time... i think that i want to make good choices about my life.. but then after all the bad gets through with me all im left with is feeling like shit and wanting it to all go away.. the more i think about it the more i realise that if i want to actually change my life, in a positive way i'll have to ditch all my friends, the life style i've chosen for the past 6 years, and i supose worst of all i'll have to give up all the drugs... and the booze too.. or.. i can keep doing what i've been doing... which has gotten me oh so far.. so im stuck.. i wanna keep my friends and keep things the way i've been doing it.. but how will that change anything? it won't probablly.. man thats a drag...
well... how hard could it be to find all new friends... cuz thats the only part thats got me bum'd... would i really miss any of them... or is the only reason we get along beacuse we all share a common bond in drugs? and if thats the case would i even want to be around those people if i wasn't all doped up too?
dose any of this shit matter? i mean really? after all the only "drug" i do now days is smokin pot.. everyday.. all day.. :/ hmmmm... mayhaps i have what some people would call a problem with marijuwana... but then.. compaired to being addicted to cocain, crystal meth, or being an alchaholic... i supose its not to bad... besides that i don't smoke it all day everyday anymore anyhow... now i just smoke it when i have money... which is hard to come by when one has no job... i guess... no.. what i want then is to find a happy medium.. a place where i can still have my friends and smoke pot and drink now and then... and still be able to feel confident in myself that im moving forward in my life... so if i add up all the negative stuff.. i'll know how much positive stuff i'll have to have going on too to make sure that the good out weighs the bad.. so keeping my friends should mean that i need a job.. and keeping my pot means that i'll be needin to do a lil bit of comunity service.. and the booze means that i'll need to get that last class i need to grad.. that all looks pretty fair.. i guess all i need to do now is get started...